An Arthritic, Asthmatic, Accident Prone Ectomorph's Guide to Overcoming Odds.

New Domain

2011-06-21T10:23:00.003-07:00

This website has moved to www.racerwesson.com. Come visit me there!

123 Days Till The Rock N River 50 Miler

2011-06-14T12:09:00.000-07:00

"Well? What was SO special that Eric could only discuss it with the girls?" Tommy asked as we raced up Chantry Flats.

"Mountain lions," I said. "He knows how much faster us gals are and wanted to make sure we watched out for you guys on the trails. Didn't want to scare you by telling you!"

Tommy rolled his eyes and Jill laughed. As one of the fastest on our team, he was quickly on his way as Jill and I took off together at a milder pace for our Saturday morning Bastard adventure. We spent the next 30 minutes or so discussing nutrition - Paleo versus weighed and measured and how to incorporate proper nutrition into our daily life. I liked Jill. Along with being a cool person in general, she was just enough faster than me to push me outside of my comfort zone trying to keep up with her. Once I fully recovered from my 100 miles of muscular destruction, she would be a great training partner in this group. Hopefully in a few more weeks I would be able to push her too!

What Eric did pull the women aside to say was that he was holding a 'ladies only' impromptu Paleo seminar that afternoon and we were all welcome. Conveniently enough, my mom happened to be in town, wedding dress shopping with me, so we canceled one of our appointments to be able to attend. It was worth it to both of us for two very different reasons.

This will probably be my last blog entry at this particular site. One of my old high school friends, Jared, has been helping me transfer this blog over to my new domain: racerwesson.com. I will keep up with this blog on there, but I will also be utilizing it as a tool to help others, especially in the area of nutrition. Although I believe strongly in the Paleo diet, I am currently studying to take my Venice Nutrition Coach test, which bases their program around balancing hormones using certain ratios of protein, carbohydrates and fat, similar to The Zone. First - because I'd like some kind of credentials behind my name and Second - because I need a program that will give me some technical training on anatomy, etc.

It's been a rough year, on a lot of levels. But I have my team back, I deadlifted again for the first time in 6 months this morning... only 43 lbs but it's something! And I'm an ultrarunner again. In 123 days, I will be running my qualifier for Western States and as soon as I get my legs back underneath me, I have a certain coach whose 5k time is going down too. Yep... I'd say it's official. I'm making my comeback!

Bastardization and Reflections of the Nanny Goat 100

2011-06-02T10:37:00.000-07:00

The day before the Nanny Goat 100, I did something that was well overdo. With a batch of red gerber daisies in one hand and a map in the other, I hiked up a steep slope to visit an old friend. Figures there would be a hill climb of some sort involved in visiting the Moose's grave. I sat down in the grass next to him and began to talk. It felt strange at first, but the more I sat there, the more I realized I wanted to tell him. Was it weird to think he was actually hearing me? And that I could almost make out his voice 'Oh Summer, this is great... this is just great!'

It always takes a few days to process what has happened after a 100 mile race. As my adrenals start to settle and my sleep schedule becomes normal, the swelling decreases in my body and I start walking like a normal human being again, my mind drifts back over the two days that forever changed me.

The stories that have begun to emerge from my pacers are pretty funny. According to Katelyn I mumbled and sang all night and at one point I saw an elephant. When she told me there was nothing there it completely broke my heart. Eric has stories about me having full conversations with people that weren't there. I am starting to remember certain thoughts I had in the moment too. One that sticks out is that I really wanted to stop at mile 95. In my head it made perfect sense. I thought 'Eric can't be upset with me for 95 miles. That is TOTALLY legit!' I was going to open my mouth to tell him I was stopping but he was mid conversation with someone else so I didn't want to be considered rude. I also had fantasies of cutting off both my arms and giving them to him to carry for me and wondered if that would be against the rules in any way.

I remember another piece of our conversation too... telling him I didn't know if I was strong enough to do a race like this on my own and in that moment, I was pulling from his strength, not mine. I do wonder if that is true or not though. I needed his strength as well as the rest of my friends because I had rehearsed Nanny Goat in my mind over and over again with them as a part of it. I was mentally prepared to finish, but to finish with my friends, my fiance and my coach by my side. When preparing for a marathon, if you asked me at mile 25 to continue to a 50k, I don't know if I could do it, because I didn't prepare for it. It is the same with a race like that. My mind will give me what it prepared for, no more, but no less.

Somewhere between mile 1 and 100 I fell in love with ultrarunning again. I realize after the results of what I pulled off that the long distance training that I did in the past was not to prepare my body, it was to prepare my mind. I also realized where I went wrong when I tried to only utilize CrossFit and CFE to get ready for my races. It had NOTHING to do with those programs and everything to do with my nutrition. I thought eating clean meant that I had to do it during these events too which was about the stupidest thing I could have done. It lead me to several DNFs due to stomach issues, heat exhaustion, injuries and after the fact at Javelina, rhabdomyolysis. I was not educated enough with this type of thing to utilize it properly. I also put too much pressure on myself to excel. I am a newborn in 100 mile racing and I am not ready yet to have the pressure of both finishing events AND trying to do anything beyond race myself and my own realistic goals.

I have pretty much never been so excited to show up somewhere as I was to my very first Arrogant Bastards practice on Tuesday. It will be a good week or two before I'm actually able to start doing the prescribed runs with them, but just being there, walking and loosening up my legs on the trails that they are pounding makes me feel like I belong to something again. My first order of business will be to select my Western States qualifying run and began to focus my training towards that. And if all goes well, I'm hoping to slowly ween my way back into CrossFit too. The moment that I get full range of motion on all lifts, even if it is slow, calculated and with the 15 lb bar, I will rejoin Team 6am. It may be a month or it may be a year, but fortunately I am patient. Regardless, I have been reunited with my first love. I can't even believe it... I'm a 100 mile racer again!!

The Nanny Goat 100

2011-05-30T12:53:00.000-07:00

"Did you just call us pussies??"

Katelyn burst out laughing... "No Summer, he said he had BLISTERS."

That was the first of many humorous moments that the two of us shared that evening, although they all seem like one big blur to me, sandwiched by Steve Harvey, one of my favorite race directors, sounding a bull horn to start the race and handing me a 100 mile belt buckle 26 hours and 35 minutes later.

I arose at 5am on Saturday morning, although the race did not start until 8am and was only an hour away from our apartment. I'd been doing math in my head for the last hour, deciding where I needed to be when, what my pace per mile should be, how long my breaks should be, all things that had been well over thought for the last few weeks. But it was better than the one thing that was nagging at the back of my head: I was about to attempt to PR my 100 mile race on 1 month of training.

Carl and I arrived at the Nanny Goat 100 course about 45 minutes before the race started, enough time to secure him a good spot in front of the aid station, get me checked in and line up to the start line with less than 100 other runners. There were a few different events going on. There were two 12 hour races, one that started at 8am and one that started at 8pm, there was a 24 hour option and there was also a 100 mile option, for anyone who made it to mile 86 within a 24 hour period and could complete all 100 miles in 28 hours.

It takes a special kind of crazy person to sign up for an event like this. The course was a 1 mile loop that we lapped over and over again. To be honest, I think the ones that really had it hard were the people that just signed up for 12 or 24 hours without a distance goal. It is so easy to drop or sit down for long periods of time on a course like this... which is exactly what I did in my last 24 hour (not drop, but I did sit down for several hours).

I took off fast, but I did it on purpose. I knew my only shot at pulling this off was to go as hard as I could (relatively speaking) for as long as I could, so that I could buy myself the ability to walk a good portion of the race when lack of training sunk like lead into the bottom of my legs. I zoned out on my iPod, stopping to talk to people here and there, a mix of old friends and new acquaintances. Among some of my many favorites, Greg, Ted, Mike and Vinnie, all very accomplished ultrarunners, a woman named Lucy, dressed in boots and utes, who carried an American flag and the team 'Slow and Drunk,' 4 men dressed all in pink, there to do the relay, who only lived up to half their name (I will let you guess which half!).

The first 25 miles came and went quickly in about 4:45... perfect! Carl was on my nutrition and hydration like a hawk and it was working. I had a little 'down' around mile 18, as I always seem to at that point, and Carl paced me for one lap. I became a big baby around him so we decided that we should only utilize his pacing duties sparingly.

The next 25 miles went without a hitch as well. Carl told me what to eat/drink and cheered for me every mile. I even PRed my 50 mile time by exactly 20 minutes at 10 hours and 18 minutes. As soon as this happened, I realized that no matter what went down at this point, all I had to do was keep moving. I was totally going to pull this off!

Suddenly, I recognized a red Team CrossFit Academy sweatshirt... it was Dr. Gary there to give me my adjustment. Total Nascar style! Seeing him reminded me of how far I had come since the beginning of the year. I had been to 6 different doctors prior to him, all of whom had told me that this type of thing was out of the question. His knowledge and experience combined with a minor miracle was the reason I was capable of doing this. Not only did he help me, he also adjusted my friend Greg who was having lower back issues early on. After Gary's help, he continued on to run 105 miles in 24 hours!

About another 5 miles down the road, the Team CrossFit Academy crew arrived, consisting of Eric, Vanessa, Kellie and a surprise guest, Hope!

"The shit I do to get to train with you!" I said to Eric, laughing.

At that point, I started slowing down to a fast paced walk. When I tried to run, my legs would sieze and cramp. Fine, I expected this. I just had to keep moving. Quite a few had already dropped and the first of the two 12 hour events was winding down, so Kellie and Hope tag team paced me for a while. Their energy brought something really wonderful to the experience. Both of them were 50k finishers and definitely had a respect for the sport as a result. Their excitement and enthusiam perked me up as the sun faded away and it began to be past my bedtime, when the pain and exhaustion typically begins to set in.

Before I knew it, Katelyn had arrived to pace me through the night. After a lap or two with her, Eric, Vanessa and Carl all went to sleep. That was oddly comforting to me. I knew that if they were worried about me in any way, at least one of them would have stayed up to see me through the night. But they knew I was ok. So did I.

I remember my evening with Katelyn similar to the night I spent with Donn as my first round Javelina pacer. There were stories, laughter, oddly not a lot of tiredness or depression, both of which I commonly fight overnight in these races. I had a few minor hallucinations between my time with Kellie, Hope and Katelyn - a small black bear, a large black bear with a white stripe, an Indian, a pack of tiny Shih Tzus, a snake. Details of our conversations are blurred, but I remember Katelyn's positive attitude pushing me to dawn. The sun began to rise as I rapidly approached the mile 86 cut off two hours ahead of schedule. We had talked earlier that evening about how cool it would be to watch the sun come up. In the distance I could see the sky began to change colors and she quickly confirmed that this was not another hallucination. "Look Katelyn, our sunrise together!"

Eric was still asleep just as the sun was beginning to creep out and it quickly became my goal to come in so far ahead of schedule that we had to wake him up. I achieved it. He took off with me just before 6am. In my mind, getting to Eric meant that I was going to finish the race. Failure was not and will never be in his vocabulary.

Our first 3 miles together were really fun. I liked having Eric there with me because although he is not an ultrarunner himself, he understands this sport. We were not acknowledging it to my recollection, but he knew how much pain I was in and at the same time understood why I was doing it. His own choices in life had lead him to similar circumstances that he had perservered through as well. I was feeling good, telling stories, and suddenly everying came crashing down somewhere around mile 89. My mind and body were both collapsing. As an ultrarunner, I know that highs and lows are to be expected but this low was something I was having a really hard time coming back from. Of the races I have completed, it is the worst I have ever felt. I knew I wouldn't quit, but at the same time, my mind started dancing around what my friend's reactions would be if I dropped. Everything within me was trying to make me stop. Everything but one... in some sick and twisted way, I was enjoying this, finding comfort in the pain, knowing that this is the worst it has ever gotten for me and that I was beating it, right there, in front of my coach, my fiance and my friends. I tried hard to focus on Eric's words, knowing these were memories I would want to keep but my mind kept struggling and fighting with what was internally taking place. All I could hear was 'head up, back straight, swing your arms, stay with me.' I could do that. I remember asking him not to give up on me, but I was really asking that of myself. Vanessa, Kellie, Hope and Carl joined in for a few laps with us here and there. We had passed the 24 hour mark so there were only 3 runners left on the course, all doing the death march with their army of pacers/crew next to them. I saw my old friend Bob supporting another runner as well. Seeing him reminded me of the adventures we shared together with the Moose and that boosted my spirit. It wasn't until the end of lap 97 that I began to embrace the pain as something that in that moment, oddly felt good. For miles 98 and 99, Eric and I charged on alone. I remember the feelings that his words created, I know they were sentimental and great, but I don't remember any of them. What I do remember is holding on to something he told me a long time ago... he said that if someone DNFs a work out the first round in, then physically they cannot handle it, however if they DNF on the last one, it means that they did not have the mental capacity to continue on. I was on my own version of the last round of this WOD. All I needed was tenacity.

Kellie, Hope, Vanessa and Carl joined us for the last lap. 100 miles in 26 hours and 35 minutes... a 3 hour and 13 minute PR. I sat down and began to cry. I was officially an Arrogant Bastard, on SO many levels!

Steve and his wife Annie put on a GREAT event! I also need to give a huge thank you to Mix 1 All Natural Protein Shakes for sending me off to the race with some amazing product! As clean as I eat, it is hard for me to find shakes that get me what I need fuel-wise that don't tear up my stomach. Their shakes were my best friend when I couldn't take down solid food after the race and didn't upset my stomach like some other products I've used in the past.

Ultrarunners are only as successful as their crews and I can't even begin to express how much mine meant to me. Gary is 100% responsible for getting me to that start line healthy and physically capable of doing this, something that at one time, I didn't know would be a possibility again. No amount of words would ever be enough to thank him for giving this back to me. With Katelyn, somehow my mood never dropped in the night... I'm not entirely sure how she pulled that off, but she did. I hope I get the chance to repay the favor in future events! Hope, Kellie and Vanessa, all ridiculously accomplished female athletes, were there not only supporting, cheering, but also giving me an example to follow as I perservered. Eric... I think it's safe to say 'the devil made me do this.' More than a coach, more than a friend, always daring to believe in the impossible in his athletes and somehow being able to pull that out of people like me. And Carl, who I fell in love with all over again, who never stopped supporting me, and who never once thought I wouldn't pull this off. What an epic adventure. Thank you so much!

Setting yourself up to succeed

2011-05-09T16:26:00.000-07:00

Chosing the people to be by your side during a 100 mile race is a big deal. I think that is why ultrarunners become so close... they share laughter and tears, success and failure, through an amazing spiritual journey that I've only once experienced for myself, although I've been a part of it with others before. If you are ready to come face to face with your true self, run 100 miles.

When the right people chose me this time, I felt like an adventure that began as a crazy idea suddenly became a reality. I was very excited when Katelyn offered to pace me. From the moment I met her at the Ridgecrest 50k, I had this feeling that we might end up being friends. The two of us had our first of hopefully many adventures together early Saturday morning as we enjoyed a short trail run. As I started to get to know her I realized she was exactly the type of person that I needed to get me through the night. She loved the experience of being out there, a part of something greater than herself. I imagine the stories we will share, the ups and downs, the sunrise of our second day together. She's the perfect person to have by my side.

When I faced my doctor, Gary, to tell him of my plans, he couldn't have been more supportive, even offering to come out and adjust me during the race itself. Seriously... a kick ass pacer AND a doctor... how much better could this get?

Well, it did! Carl was in by default, although I didn't really expect him to spend the night out there. When he excitedly started preparing the tent I realized I was about to get more support than originally anticipated. And within the week both Eric and Kellie had contacted me, wanting to be a part of my little adventure too. If for some reason I was feeling left out of the Team CrossFit Academy community, I sure as hell felt like a part of it now!

I will pull this off for a lot of reasons now. For myself, for sure, because I NEED this. But now because of my friends too. I know what it's like to commit to pacing/crewing for a runner and feel partially responsible for their success. These are people that do not like to fail and that I do not want to see me fail. I also want to take them for along for a 'trip through Wonderland' as I see it. Ultrarunning is very much my world, a world that I LOVE, and I can't think of anything more fun than to introduce them to something that means so much to me and something I know they will understand.

In order to be able to continue on to run 100 miles, I must run 86 miles in under 24 hours. When I make that cut off, Eric offered to pace me for the last 14 miles of the race. I like that it worked out that way because it feels like an honor that I have to earn. At least I'm viewing it that way.

So here we go... I have a tough week of training ahead but after that, I will rest, relax and trust my mind to get me through this. Going into a 100 mile race, I would take my head being in a good place over my body any day! But my body's actually functioning pretty darn good right now. Thanks Dr. Gary for that! Things are looking up...

The Day I Pulled A Marathon Out Of My Ass!

2011-05-02T09:33:00.000-07:00

It was a cool morning in Orange County as my friend Alexa and I lined up at the start of the OC Marathon, but it wouldn't stay that way for long. I was excited to have some pre-race bonding time with a girl that I really liked... a strong athlete but someone whose head was even stronger. It's hard to find women in my life that I truly relate to, I was quickly learning that Alexa was one of them. "Here it is," the announcer called out, "All that hard work and training boils down to today!"

"I signed up yesterday," Alexa giggled.

"Crap, I think I forgot to eat breakfast!" I suddenly realized.

We both burst out laughing. Unprepared was an understatement! It had been less than a week since somehow the two of us had talked each other into meeting here, and we were equally responsible for this madness. Neither one of us had run distance in a while, Alexa down with a piriformis issue and me with my obvious back injuries. Leave it to two arrogant 100 mile racers to think 'Why not? It's just a marathon.'

"You realize this is going to go one of two ways," I said to Alexa. "Either this is going to be the worst race of our lives and we will be cursing each other's names by mile 20, or we will both PR!"

She laughed, "I totally know!"

The gun went off as we weaved our way through the crowds. We had been stuck in the back due to a last minute bathroom break so I utilized Alexa to get us a little farther up in the pack as the race began. Less than a mile out, she had faded off on the distance, my Ipod was blaring, and I was ready to enjoy this day.

I had a lot to think about and as I faded into a happy, endorphine driven state, I was ready to process some of those things. I thought a lot about my friends at Team CrossFit Academy, wishing there were a few red shirts out there to chase. I invisioned how my life would be a year from now, possibly preparing for Western States or the AC 100, maybe even able to lift again. Then my mind floated back to today... I felt really good. What if I PRed my marathon? I was already crafting my finish line text to Eric in my mind. And before I knew it, I had just PRed my half marathon!

I had been VERY smart with my pacing, my nutrition and hydration... that is the one thing I really did right yesterday. And my body didn't want to slow down. I was having a blast. There wasn't even mild temptation to turn down the shaded path with the half marathoners rather than go up over the freeway pass, in the heat to turn onto the full marathon course. I even had a runner come up to me and ask me to pace him for a 4 hour finish! Ha! My first quasi 'bonk' hit at mile 17.5, where I slowed down for a walk. I realized my electrolytes were a little off, took some Cliff Shot blocks and I was up and running again.

I started to bonk again around mile 20... the aid stations ran out of Gatorade and I had run out of shot blocks so that perfect mixture of Gatorade, water, salt tablets and shot blocks was no longer an option. It also got really hot and the Santa Ana winds started to kick up. I looked at my watch and realized that even if I slowed down, I was on pace to PR my entire marathon.

At mile 24, heat illness set in. I could tell this was happening because I started to become very angry... at the hills, the miles, everything around me. That is one great advantage to my ultrarunning experience. I know my body VERY well and automatically know what is wrong with me based on emotional/physical reactions during a race. I also became very sick to my stomach. I text Carl, who I had been staying in touch with throughout the day, that I was just going to walk it in. Before I knew it, I had reached mile 25 at 4:24. The only way to PR my marathon was to run. "Not with THAT attitude, Racer," I could hear my coach say. And I picked up the pace... I was a 100 mile racer for God's sake! I could do anything for a mile.

The finish line came quickly, tears streamed down my cheeks as I realized I had just accomplished an 8 minute marathon PR at 4:38. I immediately searched for Alexa who had also PRed by 9 minutes and qualified for the Boston Marathon!

Seeing Carl to my right as I sprinted towards the finish meant so much to me. He never once tried to talk me out of this, and things could have gone VERY wrong that day. But he trusted me to know my body and he believed in me. I couldn't have made it across that finish line without his constant support. And having Eric brag on me a little on the Team CrossFit Academy facebook page made me realize that he still considered me his 'racer'... it silenced my fears and encouraged me beyond words.

It was a perfect day. It was a big risk but it was worth it. I managed to get some of my identity back, in my own mind, having done something that most people were not able to do. This gave me confidence, happiness and an overall sense of achievement. Yesterday I proved to myself that my mind is stronger than my body. I needed a 'win' in my life, so I created one.

Today I am a little sore, a little tired, but as happy as I could possibly be. My 100 mile race is in less 4 weeks... and I'm starting to believe I'm actually going to pull this off!

It is better to burn out than to fade away...

2011-04-28T09:34:00.000-07:00

I stole that title from an article I read on the CrossFit Football site yesterday. It addresses two separate emails written to John Wellborne, the issues of physical limitations and working around a body that no longer does what it once did. The article was directly applicable to people dealing with their bodies as they age, but is certainly applicable to someone like me as well.

As I've started to come to an acceptance point of my injury, I have gone through a few days of some pretty deep rooted sadness. My physical capabilities largely encompass my identity and coming to the realization that CrossFit was no longer something my body could handle, I was left feeling a little lost. I've been injured before, but with a few weeks of down time, I was typically back on my feet. But not this time.

So at that point I had a decision to make. Paying my monthy fee, pretending this was temporary and it would just be another week or so before I entered the doors of Team CrossFit Academy again, was doing me no good. But that place was more to me than a place I went to work out and those people had slowly become my family. When I came in there at 6am, I wasn't a casting director or a manager of 8 employees who all looked at me the way that these people looked at Eric. There, I was the student. Having never gone through any formal management training, I would take the skills I learned from him some days and bring them back to my work place. And although my employees were sick of doing burpees every time they didn't introduce themselves to a new member of the team, some of what I learned actually translated quite well!

The positive note in all of this is that I had not lost the ability to run. And on Easter Sunday morning, I found myself reunited with two old ultrarunning friends, Jean and Froggie, for a '3 hour tour' through Alhmanson Ranch, one of my favorite places. As we ran at a (God forbid) 'converstational' pace, admiring the birds and flowers, talking about upcoming races that we wanted to do in equally beautiful places, I realized that I could find happiness here too.

With Carl, I brainstormed, and we plotted a 'CrossFit physical therapy program' I would begin at home as I turned back to my old friend, long slow distance running. In a perfect world, I would love to utilize the CrossFit and CFE programming to revisit ultrarunning, but without the ability to lift heavy, the CFE program would do me no good in preparing for events like that. So I have to go long.

My vision is that in a year from now, after completing a few 50ks and 50 milers, re-establishing that base, I come knocking at the doors of TCFA, having recovered enough to utilize their coaching to get ready for my next big mountain 100, ideally Western States or Angeles Crest. I've read this as a 'forever' thing, but it doesn't necessarily have to be. The truth is that the Team CrossFit Academy community is stuck with me, whether they like it or not, and I'll never stop calling Eric my coach, even if I'm not in there every Tuesday and Thursday.

It's times like these that I remember The Moose. Even when he knew he was dying, he ran a 50k the day before brain surgery, and when he lost the ability to run, he walked entire marathons. When a news reporter wrote an article about him walking what perceived to be the Moose's last marathon due to his health, he got a wild hair up his butt and invited us all out to Catalina Island to walk one more with him a few weeks later. And even on his death bed, he would get up each day and walk to the end of his block. He never, EVER gave up.

I promise, I won't give up either, Moosie...

How to Run 100 Miles - The Cliff Notes Version

2011-04-20T09:42:00.000-07:00

Every night it was the same... as I fell asleep and drifted off, I was on the trails again, conquering vast mountain ranges, crossing rivers and having incredible adventures. Tonight brought me back to one of my favorite dreams, a 6 day staged race called Trans Rockies which my ultrarunning friend Erich and I had contemplated running next year. I'd read so much about that run that I could easily visualize it. Teams of two cross the Rocky Mountains, 115 miles total in one of the most beautiful places on earth, camping along the way. I wanted to be on those trails so much I could taste it.

Prior to running the Ragnar Relay Race, a seed had already been planted in my mind. I opted to restart my ultrarunning career in a timed event rather than an organized point to point race. In a timed event, typically a runner is given 12 or 24 hours to run a 1 mile loop as many times as possible, or in the case of an event I did a few years ago, a half kilometer. The beauty in an event like this is that you can't DNF... the race results simply state how many miles you cover in your given period of time. So if things didn't go well, it wouldn't be the end of the world. If all went well for me at Ragnar, I was going to sign up for a 12 hour race at the end of May. And it did.

As I sat at my desk at work on Monday, watching the office wind down for hiatus, I excitedly plotted my training for the next few months. I was feeling strong, healthy and motivated. CrossFit was still out indefinitely, most lifts still remained 6 months + out in my future, but running, even at a somewhat extreme level, wasn't. There is a trail racing team out of Team CrossFit Academy known as the Arrogant Bastards that I very much wanted to be a part of. Due to the fact that I still cannot lift, it was my one real opportunity to remain a part of our community and I wanted that. Every few months, Eric allows people wanting to join the team a chance to qualify. Well, due to my injuries and trying to remain conservative before Ragnar, I missed the last qualifier, meaning I had to wait till July to qualify. July... when work gets busy again and I can't take off work early to meet up with the team. Awesome. There had to be a way around it.

Several months ago, when guests were being invited to the Arrogant Bastard's practices without approval, Eric made what I think he meant to be a joke... he said for a woman to attend practice without previously qualifying she had to either A) Beat Corlyn in a deadlift (who FYI can beat most of our guys in a deadlift), or B) Beat me in a 100 mile race. Looking again at the 12 hour event I was contemplating, I saw that the 24 hour event allowed a 100 mile option. If you made it to 86 miles by the 24 hour mark, they would allow you to continue to 100. If I PRed my 100 miler, then technically that was 'me' beating 'me' in a 100 mile race. And suddenly, a dream was born!

Within 24 hours, I had an entire crew, pacer, and doctor to be present for adjustments. In speaking with my doctor, he agreed that there is nothing about me running/walking/hobbling for 28 hours that should affect my healing in a negative way. Sitting for 8 hours a day at work is way more detrimental!

So here I go, training for a 100 mile race in just 1 month. This could go very wrong for me, but it could also end up being one of my defining moments! Quite honestly, the things worth having in life are those things that you achieve when the odds are stacked against you. I have the long distance base, for sure, my biggest concern is not the mileage, but proper nutrition and hydration. If I get that right, I might just pull it off!

Some things you should know about me... when it comes to athletic endeavors I'm not happy unless I'm pursuing something that there's a good chance I won't achieve. I'm arrogant and stubborn and I'm not always that smart. I do things like signing up for a 100 mile race just to beat the system and be a punk. My energy and motivation feeds off of people thinking I won't pull something off. Sometimes I fail, but a lot of times, I succeed. And it is the journey I love, even more than the outcome. In the words of my friend and mentor, Dean Karnazes, "I run because long after my footprints fade away, maybe I will have inspired a few to reject the easy past... and come to the same conclusion I did: I run because it always takes me where I want to go."

100 Miles... I've missed you, my friend. Here we go again!

The 2011 So Cal Ragnar Relay Race

2011-04-17T13:24:00.000-07:00

It was about 2am when I was awoken from a very peaceful sleep, by the sound of Eric's voice followed by a noise that mimicked the noise the Titanic made just before it sunk. But what was Eric doing in my bedroom and what the hell was that noise? It took me a few moments to get my bearings, before I realized I was laying across a bench in a van, somewhere between Redondo Beach and Coronado Island, attempting to get a little sleep to recover from the day before and prepare for the day ahead. Eric had insisted on sleeping on top of the van and we were all pretty convinced he had brought a pair of tap shoes with him up there. But oddly, the sleep that I did get between his 'dance numbers' came with a peace I hadn't felt in a while, removed from the craziness of work, finding stillness in the chaos of the thing that I love the most... racing.

Here I was, about 1/3 of the way through a 200 mile adventure. But this time the pressure of the full mileage was off my shoulders and I had it to share with 11 other people, all who I respected and loved. I was still hurting a little from my injury but I knew it would hurt more not to compete. I needed this adventure.

On Thursday morning, I woke up to a strange, stressed feeling. Maybe I was concerned about my ability levels a little but something just didn't feel right. I grabbed breakfast and a cup of coffee before receiving a text from Eric, finalizing plans for van pick up for the 4 vans that would be home two of our Ragnar teams for the next two days.

I called to confirm pick up when I received horrible news... only two of the four vans would be available to us now, due to a corporate account taking almost all of the Enterprise vans. I immediately called Eric, assuring him that finding stuff that was hard to find was what I did for a living and I would figure this out for him. In the meantime, we received word that two of the other TCFA teams had lost their vans as well through Enterprise. How was this happening? I hit every angle... called every car/van rental company, faked shooting a documentary through 'Academy Productions' with award winning director/producer Eric LeClair and needing 'transpo vans.' I called Uhaul to see if they could put the seats into a utility van... and finally it all came together! Enterprise came through with a third van, upgrading all three to 15 passenger and I located a 15 passenger transpo van from someone who is a teamster on the show 'The United States of Tara.' First obstacle of the race... resolved!

I arrived at the Academy about 3 hours before take off on Friday morning. Eric wanted the vans there early and I gave him no resistance... the sooner those vans were all accounted for and where they needed to be, the sooner I felt I could relax and enjoy the adventure that was waiting for me. And that is exactly what happened.

The first 6 people in our team started the race at 1pm and the rest of them met at that time, ready for take off. Val was our van driver and among the runners were myself, Trish, Hope, Eric, Michael and Colin. I knew everyone pretty well in advance, except for Colin, who was a high school sprinter that Eric coached, now in college. He had also done a few 50ks and was interested in doing longer ultra distance races as well. A friendship with him was promising!

Even with those I seemed to know well, I learned more... I learned how much I loved Michael sense of humor and Val's patience. I learned how much I loved Trish's tenacity and competitive nature and Hope's consistent desire to pursue new adventures with an open mind and heart. And although I probably know Eric the best of the bunch, I learned how much I related to his spirit of fun and excitement yet ability to problem solve in the face of plans going sideways and resolving issues as they arise.

The 28 hours and 17 minutes that followed were a blur of laughter, stories, focus, hard work, sleeplessness and in the end, victory. My personal victory was taking my predicted 9-10 minute mile pace and turning it into 8 minutes during the night hours, and 8:30s in the heat of the day. Other than a bad cramp in my left calf/foot that reduced me to an aggressive hobble about 400 meters from the end of my last leg, I am really happy with the way things panned out. I was beyond honored to be asked to be on one of the racing teams with some of the most gifted runners I know, and my biggest fear was letting Eric and the rest of the team down. Going in rested and maybe a little undertrained was the right decision.

I asked Eric about his knuckle tattoos this weekend... one hand says 'with' and another says 'upon,' coming from the quote: "Return with your shield or upon it." He explained to me the meaning: when a soldier goes to battle they must have the same regard to their fellow soldiers life as they do for their own, otherwise death is eminent. Not all of us are faced with life and death rules like this, but we can learn from those that have gone before us, and faced those situations so that we do not have to. These rules seem to apply to every social aspect of life, whether it be a war or simply a relay race. The runners in our van didn't even start till a little later in the day, but as the night progressed, we watched as team members became self involved, falling apart because a fight broke out or someone got injured and no one wanted to step up and fill in. In regards to our team, as we problem solved through minor issues, like being 2 minutes late to an exchange, having a runner get lost and the crew losing another, overall I felt the team worked together the way that they should... making our teammates as big a priority as ourselves.

I remember at one point Hope mentioning she felt sorry for the teams that were facing adversity. Eric told her not to be, that was all part of the game. All aspects of how we were feeling were, whether we felt great or had some kind of issue we were working through. It was an eye opener for me, comparing that to myself. I understood after this weekend, that I'm the only person that loses if I can't come back from this injury... there are no special exceptions made for me so that I can do the things I want to do in life. Problems that arise are all part of the game. I fell in love with distance running again this weekend and I want to go back to covering those type of distances on my own. It makes me who I am. I have to get more aggressive and more creative about trying to get well. Now that Ragnar is over, I feel better about experimenting, less afraid I will aggravate the issues and let my team down.

In the end, our team did amazingly well. We covered 200 miles in 28 hours and 17 minutes, placing 8th out of over 300 and 20th overall our of 479. Pretty legit! I had a wonderful adventure. I have not laughed that hard or felt more in my element than I did with my team in a long time. Well, it's officially time to 'get my butt in gear' for the Alcatraz Challenge. And it might be fun to revisit Operation Beat Eric's 5k in the process. Watching him this weekend, I couldn't help but notice how much he has progressed as I'm sure will continue to. I couldn't ask for a better Rabbit!

Thank you to all my teammates on High Speed Low Drag 1, for giving me something that I needed very much. I would happily go into battle with any of you, and maybe even bigger, I'd happily spend two days in a van with you all again!

21 Days - “To wish to be well is a part of becoming well.”

2011-03-20T12:37:00.000-07:00

There's this really gifted ultrarunning named Jorge Pacheco. He's won multiple 100 mile + races, including the Angeles Crest 100. One year, at AC, he ran into issues about halfway through the race and laid down at an aid station. He stayed there so long that the person running the aid station began to shut it down and assuming Jorge had dropped, offered him a ride back. He said 'no thank you,' filled his bottles and finished just under the cut off for the race. Typically if an elite runner is having a bad day, he will just drop and save himself for the next one. But when asked why he still finished, Jorge's response was "That wouldn't be fair to the people that came here to beat me."

I ended up back in the hospital about a week ago, when my back pain returned, a little different this time, with pain shooting down both my legs and causing me to lose feeling in some of my toes and the sides of my feet. After a little cohersion, we were able to convince an RN to order an MRI. After receiving the MRI results, and bringing them to Dr Gary, my chiropractor and friend and also the only doctor I really trust right now, we discovered a bulging disc between L4 and L5. According to Gary, as the swelling went down from the initial injury, my spine settled back down and pushed a disc out. Am I ever going to stop paying for falling off that pull up bar?

The good news is that I can run. The bad news is that it is pretty much the only thing I can do right now. I'm not going to use the pain that I'm in as an excuse to sedentary. I'm going to do what I can.

On April 9, 2011 I will not beat Eric across the finish line of the Derby Day 5k. I say that not because I don't believe in myself, my own mental tenacity and my ability to one day do it, but because I do believe in Eric, the programming he's been following and his physical capabilities right now. He's better than one of his athletes that's been down as much as I have been, for sure. I would love nothing more than to see him break 20 minutes in this race, and have something that great to aspire to as my back begins to heal. But I owe it to him, by placing the challenge, to show up and try and God knows I will try! However Ragnar has shifted to my priority now and dependent on my pain levels on that day, I may not run DD if I feel it will affect my performance at Ragnar.

At the end of the day, what I am experiencing is nothing different than what everyone goes through at one point or another. We all get injured or sick. But it's the choices that we make that define us. Do we use it as an excuse to stay in bed all day and take pain pills, or do we fight for answers and do what we can, even through discomfort? Lucky for me, Derby Day comes once a year. So don't think you're off the hook, Eric! I WILL beat your 5k... it just may not happen in the time frame I had originally anticipated. :)

38 Days - Taking Delight in the Impossible

2011-03-02T17:45:00.000-08:00

I wasn't going to race on Sunday morning. It was cold, I was a little tired, but something pushed me out of bed, warm and comfy, snuggled up with Carl, newly my fiance, and to the start line of yet another 5k.

I set a goal for each of these. Today my goal was not a time goal, it was a racing goal. I heard that awards were only going to be given out to the top 3 men and women. I wanted to run smart and place top 3. I eyed the crowd and immediately located my competitors. A strong looking Asian girl, a blonde about my size, a thin, lanky brunette with a marathon shirt on. I wasn't wrong about their speed.

We took off and I let the three of them go ahead of me. I knew I would need to pass at least 1. I was a half mile in when I passed the tall brunette. The blonde was in my sights. I decided to draft off of her, playing with what my day would be like on Derby Day, keeping her close but not letting her determine my stride. And conveniently enough, her pace was similar to Eric's as well. I kept her close through the entirety of the race, but could not pass her, holding my 3rd place spot right behind her, accomplishing my goal. As I crossed the finish line, I looked behind me and saw the line of girls trying to catch me and smiled. Mission accomplished.

All things considered I'm actually quite happy with my progress. Although I'm still struggling with my injury and scaling my CrossFit work outs from home, my running PRs have returned and I don't suck. I know I will be a good competitor for my Ragnar Team and at one point, that was definitely a concern. However it would almost be disrespectful to Eric's programming to say I was confident that I would still pull this off by April. He's uninjured, strong, training hard. I'd say with the forced down time I had recently, if he's improving even a little, in a word, I'm f*ed.

Don't take that to mean that I'm accepting defeat. What I am accepting is that this may not happen in the time frame I originally established... pre-jacked up tailbone. When I took this on, I knew it would not be easy. Quite honestly, I never wanted it to be. The day that I beat Eric across the finish line of a 5k, I want to have to dig as deep as I did the first time that I finished a 100 mile race. And that day will come...

In the meantime, I am nowhere near throwing in the towel. I delight in the impossible! Sometimes those perfect running days happen for me... like the day I qualified for Western States by PRing my 50 miler by an hour. I remember that day well, sprinting uphill to the finish line of American River, tears streaming down my face, knowing my dream had come true. And I do have a few little tricks up my sleeve for these last few weeks. On March 9th, I will be tweaking both my nutrition and training in a way that I know will boost my speed in the month leading up to the big day.

April 9th, I will show up ready for battle! The underdog, for sure, but chasing a dream that you will not see me give up on. If I can dig deep enough to run 100 miles, I can beat my coach in a damn 5k!

59 Days - Gone But Not Forgotten...

2011-02-09T17:00:00.000-08:00

"Partner up... Indian Runs to the fire station and back... GO!"

"I have a better idea," I whispered to Corlyn as we took off. "Let's Indian Run around all the other teams!"

Corlyn and I giggled as we would catch up to each team of two and pass them, one by one. As the first team back, we came racing up to the Academy, past a smiling Eric.

That morning, I had cried my entire way to Team CrossFit Academy. Monday I had to be strong for my coworkers. As a manager and leader at my company I needed to be prepared for whatever my employees were feeling and put my own emotions aside. It was the first day that Vanessa's absense was truly apparent and any of us would have lied to say we weren't affected. But on Tuesday morning, at TCFA, I could be me. I could be sad, angry, I could beat the crap out of Eric if I needed to... and I think I did a little of all of those things.

When I got home and into the shower, I scrubbed away at one of my knuckles on my left hand, until I realized it wasn't dirt. It was puffing up and turning a blue-ish purple color. I thought back through my work out... pull ups, deadlifts, double unders... how the crap did I do this to myself? I mean, I had punched Eric halfway through my WOD, but, wait... had I punched him THAT hard? I'm still not entirely convinced that Eric's 'abs of steel' could have done this to my hand, but it did give me my first laugh in about 3 days.

The next morning, sadness hit again when I received the news that Vanessa's sister had passed away as well. I did not know her, but it was devistating and something I had no idea how to repond to. I almost feel guilty when waves of happiness hit me, knowing how much people in my life are hurting and afraid that happiness may mean that Vanessa's imprint on the world is slipping away. But if I died like she had, I wouldn't want people to be sad for me. I'd just want them to remember me.

I've given a lot of thought as to how I can honor her life. I think I will do an event to raise money for the Los Angeles Epilepsy Foundation. Everything is still really fresh right now though. In time, the right thing will come to me, I am sure.

For now, Vanessa, please know that you may be gone, but you are not forgotten...

Going through the motions...

2011-02-07T17:22:00.000-08:00

It was a cool and perfect morning as I lined up with several hundred other runners in preparation to run yet another 5k. There was nothing in me that wanted to run and I was questioning again my decision to do this. Bronchitis had put me down for two weeks prior to this and there was an even bigger issue that was holding me back...

I got the call on Saturday evening... through the sound of a friend's voice I knew immediately something was terrribly wrong. One of my coworkers, Vanessa, was dead.

Vanessa was beautiful, healthy, young, sweet... and someone I talked to every day. That morning, she had fallen in her shower, hit her head and her boyfriend found her dead a few hours later. She had been epileptic and it is speculated that she had a seizure, but the autopsy reports have not been released yet. She was the last person I'd ever expect to get this call about. I was shocked. I paced from living room to bedroom and back, till I finally landed on my couch in front of a blank TV screen, staring, tears streaming down my cheeks. How was I supposed to accept this?

I didn't sleep well that night. Thoughts of Vanessa would wake me and when I did drift back to sleep, I dreamed of death and loss. As I woke the next morning I knew this race was not going to go well and I didn't care. But I still went. I would do it for her, in honor of her life.

As the gun went off, I felt no spark, no excitement. I did everything I could do get my mind into a place I could race. I tried to play my 'Eric head' game... imagining a little Eric head on the back of a woman in front of me, catching, passing her and putting an Eric head on the next girl. That was always fun. But I couldn't help thinking how trivial our little bet was. I thought running in her honor would make me cherish life, grasp the moment, and maybe even do something great. But not today. I was just going through the motions. There were only three little words that raced through my head as I ran 'Vanessa is dead.'

I'm not sure how I placed as high as I did... my time was crap. But somehow I ended up winning my division and placing 4th overall. There was no excitement in it for me... no heckling text message to Eric. I accepted my medal and went home, layed on the couch, and stared at a blank TV screen once again. This morning I got up, checked the Academy blog, decided I still wanted to play hermit, and did the work out at home. It was crap. I came to the office and faced my first work day without Vanessa in it.

I can't shake this pain, as hard as I try. I want to say that her death has made me truly cherish every moment. I want to say that it inspired me to live my life to its fullest. But quite honestly, all I feel is sadness, anger and fear. I'm hurting, my friends are hurting. Right now, no one is ok.

I'm sorry, Vanessa. I know you wouldn't want it to be this way. I promise it will not be like this forever and I will do something great in your honor. I just need to be sad right now.

76 Days - Running like a (CrossFit) Girl!

2011-01-23T15:07:00.000-08:00

"Ya ready for this?" I asked Amanda, as we stood on the Burbank track on an early Sunday morning.

"Whenever you are!"

"3...2...1... GO!"

I liked Amanda a lot... she had a past that created her into a pretty bad ass person in general. She had served in the Army and had recently passed the Bar and been hired by a local firm. And besides all of those things, she was one of the toughest CrossFit women I knew. Amanda had recently signed up for one of our Academy Ragnar racing teams and she didn't typically train with CFE WODs. It was the perfect opportunity for some 'girl time,' CrossFit style!

Our work out was called 'Tosh' : 3 x 200m, 400m, 600m. I was really happy that overall, my pace stayed consistent... that was a huge win for me. Amanda did great too... the energy of having someone else to do my runs with definitely pushed me to achieve more than I would have otherwise. That is important right now.

It was a successful weekend of training. On Saturday morning, I did my first swim to train for the Alcatraz Challenge and it went very well. I was happy to discover that I haven't completely lost my speed in the water. It does make me nervous in regards to my overall improvements that lifting is such an issue for me right now, but at least I can do what I really love and that is training for my events. I signed up for my first 5k of 2011 today... watch out, Eric, here I come!

81 Days - Crunch Time

2011-01-16T15:38:00.000-08:00

I can't exactly explain what originally attracted me to CrossFit. I was happy with the way I was training, the high volume mileage, the weekend adventures with friends. But it wasn't enough. There were things I wanted to accomplish... big races like Wasatch, Badwater and Hardrock, and on the path that I was on, those races would never happen for me. I needed to be stronger and faster. I did quite a bit of research before I chose Team CrossFit Academy, exchanging emails with a few different coaches. I was doing this about a month out from my first 100 miler and what impressed me about Eric the most is that he asked me to wait until I had finished my race to come to him. To me, that meant he was truly interested in the success of his athletes, not just about making money.

Over the last few years, my paths have changed, but CrossFit has stayed consistent. And among my many challenges, I have not forgotten my first love, ultrarunning. Which is why I have thought more and more about going back and running another 100 mile or 24 hour race. Most people would do this the traditional way... upping their mileage, running a 50k, then a 50 miler... but this time my journey will be different.

After a good talk with Carl about our goals this weekend, I decided that I would sign up for another 100 mile race... but not until I 'qualified.' For me, qualifying means that A) I must either beat Eric in a 5k or, since I really have no contol over how fast he is getting, B) I must break 21 minutes in a 5k. A strange goal for someone pursuing another ultra, but for me, a very applicable one.

It will be interesting to see how this year plays out for me. My number 1 goal is to stay healthy and uninjured.. everything else from there will fall into place. I see 12 months of being doubled over, throwing up and smiling at the finish line of many 5ks, I see myself surviving the choppy waters of the San Francisco Bay with Elise, one of my fellow bad ass female CrossFit friends... and I DO see myself starting to ween back into the world of long distance running, different this time. Stronger, faster, and overall a better athlete.

For now, there is only one place where my mind is focused. And that would be the finish line of the Derby Day 5k. It's crunch time, and with the time I had down, I'm going to need to fight harder than I ever have. My body is not where it was pre-injury, but there is a lot I can still do... like run! And I'm getting faster and faster every day. I might just pull this off...

95 Days - Goals for 2011

2011-01-05T06:06:00.000-08:00

Lets keep this simple...

1) Beat Eric's 5k! Preferably at Derby Day but really, any 5k will do.

2) Help my team place at the Ragnar Relay Race.

3)Survive/make it in under the cut off time for The Alcatraz Challenge.

One week till I return to the Academy... Game On!

108 Days - Baby, there's a shark in the water!

2010-12-22T11:00:00.000-08:00

It was my last day of 2010 at Team CrossFit Academy and I was excited that I was able to start hanging with the likes of Elise on some of the lifts. We were paired together for deads and presses that day and I happened to ask her about her athletic background. When she said swimming, a light switch went off in my head. I'd been wanting an excuse to start swimming again and this seemed the perfect opportunity. Before I knew it, we were planning our first event together... the Alcatraz Challenge!

I don't believe in New Years resolutions. I do, however, believe in setting goals with deadlines. Tomorrow I leave for Atlanta and that trip every year marks the end of another year. I didn't hit any of the goals I set out to achieve at the end of last year, although I came very close to a few of them. No one can knock me for setting the bar too low on the things I set out to achieve! But truthfully, many of them shifted as the year progressed and I no longer wanted to pursue them. But I did accomplish a few things I didn't think I would. I competed in a figure competition. I learned a valuable lesson... that my heart was in performance, not in how I looked. I shelfed ultrarunning in place of finding my home in a sport where I could feel more competitive. I played coach with some online programming for some hungry, out of state athletes and had a blast with that.

I'm getting better and better every day. I was fortunate enough to get to know another Academy member named Gary Vitullo, a chiropractor, who helped me identify my injury as not only an avulsion fracture but a rotated sacrum. That is where most of my pain was resonating from. And with his help, it looks like I will be back to training again within about 3 more weeks!

As I look forward to next year, three different goals seem to stand out to me. And I intend to achieve all of them. First and foremost, beating Eric at Derby Day. Yes, my injury set me back but my head is still in the game and I will come back mid January fighting. And training for that is just fun... really fun! I also want to become a strong enough runner to help me Ragnar Relay team place in April. But those two goals work hand in hand. The next is my Alcatraz crossing with Elise. I'm excited about that for a lot of reasons. I love the idea of two bad ass CrossFit women, training hard together towards a challenging goal. I also want to see if I'm still the swimmer that I once was. I left it, as well as my shot at training for the Olympic team years ago when I was paired up with the wrong coach who made me hate the sport. Well, now I have the right one, for sure. And it's about time I get back into the water and see what I'm capable of. Maybe this will be my opportunity to do something great. Only one way to find out! Welcome, 2011. I've been waiting for you...

121 Days - A little hiccup...

2010-12-09T10:10:00.000-08:00

Let me preface this entry with a little disclaimer. CrossFit IS NOT dangerous! Athletes get hurt no matter what sport they choose. If I walked into my CrossFit facility every day and did everything that my coach told me to do perfectly, I would never be injured... EVER. But we are human and we make mistakes. The day I fell off the pull up bar I did not listen to my instructors and chalk up before jumping in the bar. The bar itself did not jump out of the wall and break my tailbone. If you are in a car accident, it is not the car's fault, and you wouldn't stop using a car because of it. Being more physically active than the next person does expose you to more instances to getting injured... it's a fact of life. And being a little clumsy myself, it really ends up being me that's dangerous to me, not my sport.

With all that being said, I begin my story. Things had been going great... like really great. I had been moving more load then ever before, I was getting stronger and faster. I was starting on the road to becoming the racer I'd always wanted to be. On Thursday, when I headed to class after a day full of heavy squats, I was definitely hurting a little but excited about the advances I was making. Besides, my doctor had told me it was ok to push through to tolerance with my tailbone pain. I loaded up the bar to do deadlifts at 155... with my max being 215, it really wasn't that high a weight for me to be moving. But something didn't feel right. As I finished up, I went to practice my pull ups and snapping my hip became incredibly painful. I decided to call it a day and headed home. By the time I was home I could barely walk.

Four doctors and 6 types of drugs later, none of which were doing a bit of good, I finally started to get some answers. I finally saw the x-rays that showed my broken tailbone and for the first time, realized how bad the break actually was. The bone was manipulated pretty far to the left. But that wasn't the problem. The ligaments attached to the bone on the right side were overstretched and now starting to tear. My muscles in that area had become stronger than the ligaments could support.

As hard headed as I can be, hearing the words 'you will never be able to lift heavy weights again' still felt like I'd been kicked in the stomach. I've laughed it off to my friends the last few days, saying 'Screw the doc, clearly he doesn't know me that well!' I do believe that I will overcome this somehow, but I know I have a long road ahead and I'm sad. I don't want to be the broken athlete... I want to be the one that overcomes all my little hiccups and rises to the top and does something really great.

As you can see, I'm still counting down the days till April and have not given up that goal. Fortunately, the first thing I should be able to do is run. I am grateful for that and I can't wait to start recovering. 7 days into this I still feel the same amount of pain. Right now my big goal is just to get well enough to make the flight back home to Atlanta for Christmas.

So yeah, I'm a little broken right now... physically and mentally. But I know somehow I will come back stronger, with more life experience to help others that go through this too. I know keeping a positive attitude is important and I'm trying. I miss the support of my friends and starting my day in Monrovia... I feel like a better person in general when I do that. We don't quit and we don't give up when we hit a bump in the road. Those people and my life there is my inspiration to figure this out as quick as I can.

132 Days - The Run For The Hungry 5k

2010-11-28T10:47:00.000-08:00

"How do I keep from getting bruises on my shins when I do dips?" I asked Carl one day.

"Get strong enough so that you don't have to use the band."

I gave him a sideways look "Have you been hanging out with LeClair, smart ass?"

But on Friday, the day after the Run For The Hungry 5k, I did just that... I achieved my very first bar dip!

As certainly as CrossFit will suddenly surprise you with a strength you never knew you had, it will answer back, revealing things that are still weaknesses. I both love and hate it for that.

I wouldn't say that the 5k went badly. There were some definite wins that day, but mostly, I was just made hyper aware of things that I needed to work on. Carl and I had a plan going into that day. It was really my only opportunity to run a race like that with Eric before Derby Day. Since I wasn't strong enough yet to stay with him the whole way, my plan was to tail him to the turn around to get used to his pace, learn how he races, etc. Carl was going to run with me and when I fell off, just to have a little fun, Carl was going to stay behind Eric, shouting encouragements to me, as if I was still behind him. However, the night before the race, I received a text from Eric that was about to change my mind as to how I would run the race.

I didn't sleep well that night. Racing my own PRs was one thing, but the idea of racing other people now was something I definitely wasn't used to. I arrived to the race a little nervous, and that was quickly amplified by Eric's idea of pitting Shannon and I against each other. Shannon was the #2 fastest girl in the Academy, right before me, and her 5k time was almost as strong as Eric's.

I felt strong in the beginning of the race and kept wanting to go faster. Carl paced me and helped me not take off too fast, something that I do often. As I raced up the first climb, I felt great. I kept Eric in my sights for about the first 2 miles of the race and was excited to see that although I was still a little ways back, he wasn't that far ahead. We were over two miles into the race when I asked Carl how far back Shannon was. "About 10 feet," he said. My race ended when he said that. She passed me and I detonated. I finished about 25 seconds behind her at 24:16.

I learned a few things about myself that day... the way I ran the first half of that race with ease, I'm stronger than I think I am which is a good thing. But the bad side of that is that I need to start believing that I am as strong as I am or I'm setting myself up to be passed by people I've convinced myself are faster than me. If racing Shannon is mentally getting to me, what's going to happen when I take on Eric, who is pretty much mental strength personified!

The next few months will be filled with some of the hardest work of my life. I'm fairly certain most people still don't think I can pull this off. I can't wait to prove them wrong!

149 Days - Threshold

2010-11-11T11:57:00.000-08:00

One thing that always really interests me about people is learning about their different abilities to manage pain and meet challenges. What is their threshold? When do they break? When they are met with that challenge, do they back off or do they challenge back, two fold? And what experiences in life will one person face versus another and how does that shape them? For me, the most intense athletic endeavors I will ever face are probably both my 100 mile race and lining up to the start line of Derby Day in a few months. But what about those that stand at the start line of an Olympic event, representing their entire country? I couldn't dare to imagine that! And you think I'M nervous about my new challenge? That's a whole new level.

On the topic of representing your country, today is Veteran's Day. I've always held my friends that served in the military at a higher level entirely. My threshold of being able to last through a 16 hour work day is nothing in comparison to theirs of serving 6 months in Iraq. I feel that the people that I train with every day have brought a new standard into my life from their years of service. It has made me a better athlete and a better person. They've taught me how to work hard and helped me meet my potential in all aspects. I feel really grateful that my life has taken the turn that it has and lead me to my friends in Monrovia.

So another week is almost down... can you believe it's been three weeks since I opened my big mouth and bet Eric I could beat him in a 5k? What has happened in those weeks? I got 3rd out of 162 gals in a 5k, I PRed both my deadlift and my bench press. Hmmm... I'd say I'm on a good path! And the most important part... I'm happy, motivated and inspired. Back to work, and hopefully off to see my wonderful friends tonight to celebrate Veteran's Day together. Thank you, to each of you, for all that you have given to me and how much better my life is for knowing you!

157 Days Till I Beat Eric at the Derby Day 5k!

2010-11-03T19:50:00.000-07:00

Okay, so it's not that I'm not looking forward to my race with Shannon... I'm actually super stoked about that. But something else has developed a life of it's own over the past few weeks and as I prepare for my next big goal, there's only one appropriate day to be counting down to on this blog... my race with Eric!

On Sunday morning I lined up to the first of many in a series of 5k races I would take on in the next few months, in the attempt to become a pro at racing that distance. If I ever had a tendency to take off too fast, God knows it would happen at Derby Day and I needed to learn how to pace myself well. The gun went off and so did we, up a steep half mile incline... okay, apparently not a PR race. I didn't check out the course prior to signing up and I'm actually rather glad that I didn't. On a flatter course, I might PR or at least match my old one, but I wasn't going to come close to Eric's yet, not without some practice on challenging courses. This was definitely one of those. I pushed HARD... every moment of that run was painful. I crossed the finish line pissed at a time that was two minutes slower than my PR and even moreso that I found myself in the bushes throwing up only a few moments after finishing. That was new.

"Unacceptable," I said to Carl as he approached me after the race, referring to my time. He took my hand as we headed over to the results booth. I had placed 3rd out of 162 girls in my age group. And 4th was over a minute behind me. I breathed a sigh of relief... I guess the course had been pretty hard after all.

This week of training has been fun... really fun! Between the new nutrition program kicking in, 4 lbs of weight loss, the return of my olympic lift PRs and the playful, public banter between Eric and I, I'm feeling motivated, for sure. Just a few weeks ago I sat in his office fighting some kind of weird quasi post-competition eating disorder and depressed that I didn't have a goal. I think that problem is solved! Fasten your seat belts folks... it's going to be a bumpy 5 months!!

43 Days - Healthy Competition

2010-10-30T17:56:00.000-07:00

It was a rough time for all of us, for sure. Brian and I had just broken up, the Moose had died and just 3 weeks after I had just run the Mt. Disappointment 50 Miler, my legs didn't want to move. But Donn had promised he would stay with me that day, as we lined up at the start line of the Bulldog 50k, Froggie at our side. She was probably hurting worse than any of us, but certainly wasn't showing it. Moping was never her style or her way of dealing with things.

She challenged me to a 'race to the death' at the start line. I thought she was kidding but she took it very seriously. When Nancy, the race director, announced the start, Froggie was off and even 10 miles into the race, we still hadn't seen her. "She must be behind us. We must have passed her at an aid station or something..." I said to Donn and he nodded. I mean, my speed wasn't great that day but there was no way she was that far ahead.

Then in the distance, we saw a flash of white hair. "Holy crap... THAT'S FROGGIE! We HAVE to catch her, Donn!"

With a little extra push I made my way close behind our speedy little friend, who spent most races enjoying scenery and picking wild flowers. Apparently not today.

The race consisted of two 15.5 mile laps and I raced with everything I could to catch her at the first lap. She ran silent and focused and crossed the first lap just before I did.

Froggie never let me forget that day, claiming that the 'real' race was at the end of the first lap and that last half didn't really count. No one would have pegged Froggie to pull off what she did that day, but the reality of the situation was that she just wanted it more than I did. There is something to be said for that.

Erich didn't make it to the finish line of Javelina this year. Funny that a marathon distance beyond his longest distance ever run would be considered 'not enough.' I'm proud of his attempt out there and it was hard to watch him not reach the goal that he set out to accomplish. But that is part of the appeal of all the challenges that we set for ourselves. Oddly enough being out there didn't make me miss ultrarunning anymore, and I came back even more motivated towards my new goal.

I like the glazed over smiles I get at the Academy when people learn of my challenge to take on Eric's 5k. It's the same look that I got when I signed up for my first marathon and then my first 100 mile. People thought I had lost my mind. There's some fuel in that for me.

I will never forget that day with Froggie, nor will I ever forget what Barry did for me in July when I challenged him and we both PRed our races significantly trying to chase each other down. We both became better athletes that day because of the other person. I'm hoping the same thing happens for Shannon and I when we go head to head in December, preparing me for my ultimate goal!

Tomorrow is Halloween and also my first in a series of 5k trial runs I will do between now and April. I-pod cocked and loaded, hydrated, glycogen topped off, TCFA shirt clean and ready to wear. I'm ready to 'run like a girl!'

50 Days - "I can't change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination.”

2010-10-23T13:04:00.000-07:00

It was Saturday morning, way too early to be up after a very long week at work, as I stared out an airplane window, bound for Phoenix. My mind drifted back over the last few days. Did I have everything I needed? Water bottles? Check. Running gear - cold and warm? Check. Javelina 100 mile finisher belt buckle? I looked down and smiled. Check! When Erich had asked me to pace him, I was hesitant at first. Not because I didn't want to be there, but I had taken quite a hit after my figure competition and I honestly didn't know what I was capable of at that moment. But there was really nowhere else I would rather be. If I had an opportunity to give him the experience he had helped me have two years ago, I wanted to do it.

What else had happened this week? My days were a blur of set visits, production meetings, casting, managerial issues, sandwiched by mornings at the Academy. Oh yeah... now I remembered.

"I have a new goal!" I said to Eric on Wednesday, as both of us delivered our well wishes to each other. Just as I was getting ready for my adventure, he was off for a relay race in Vegas.

"Oh yeah?"

"What's your 5k?" I smiled.

"18 minutes," he fired back. I gave him a look showing I'd caught his BS. I followed him over to the 5k leader board and there it was... 21:06... 1 minute and 18 seconds off my PR.

"Wanna race?" he asked.

"Thanksgiving! At the Run for the Hungry!" Kellie shouted from the back office. Great... now there was a witness!

After thinking through the time that I would need to prepare, we settled on Derby Day, in April, a challenging course, but with 6 months to prepare I would be ready. Sitting in that airplane, I realized that once again a goal had chosen me. I can't explain exactly why beating Eric is so important to me or why I've somehow recaptured my motivation with the idea of it. Maybe I finally found something that will challenge me as much as my ultras did. How ironic... I thought, staring down at my buckle... the 100 mile finisher plotting out 6 months of nutrition and training to take on a 5k. Eric is a better athlete than me, for sure, but I promise I want it more than he does!

This weekend, I had a big job ahead. I would do everything in my power to give Erich the race he gave me. But when I return, it was time to focus. Tomorrow Jaquelyn will email me my nutrition plan and Carl has started helping my plan my CFE training. Ultrarunning taught me mental strength, and through my figure competition, I learned how nutrition can affect me both positively and negatively. I would need to apply all of this if I was going to accomplish my new goal!

55 Days - Round 2!

2010-10-18T08:22:00.000-07:00

It was a rainy, dreary Sunday morning as I found myself racing up a hill behind one of my Team CrossFit Academy coaches, Jeff. We'd been here before, Jeff and I, in 5ks, half marathons, mud runs, leap frogging each other through an event, pushing us to achieve probably more than we would otherwise. A few years ago I never would have attempted a run like this on a rainy day. My joints have always been a factor in my work out regime, often aggravated by a change in barometric pressure. But since my gluten discovery, those issues were now almost non existent. I had to feel a little grateful for my run in the rain that beautiful morning with all of my friends.

Not half an hour before this, Carl and I had met 50+ CrossFitters at a local bar down the road, undeterred by the weather for the famous Beer to Bear to Beer run. Traditionally, you drink a beer... tag a bear at a trailhead and drink another beer. Some of us less alchoholically inclined would be passing on the beer and going straight for the run. And others, the opposite! We sat at one of the tables, guessing our time for the challenging 5 mile run. Carl grabbed my card and chuckled as he wrote in his prediction for me.... one second faster than Eric.

"Yeah, you laugh because you don't have to live with the consequences of that in class next week!" I said giving him a crooked smile. But I appreciated the attempt at restoring my motivation. I must say it worked a little.

On a perfect day, the people I would be chasing were Trish and Hope. I did to a degree but I still felt that my body was lacking some of the strength and speed it once had. But finding my place among the pack with Jeff helped. He was a strong, steady runner and I fed off of his pace up and down the steep hill. I lost him in the distance about three miles in, until I saw another girl coming up behind me. That was all the motivation I needed. I took off as fast as I could. "Hey!!" Jeff smirked as I passed him a few hundred feet from the finish. I sprinted towards the end.

I finished in exactly 48 minutes, toward the front but not as close as I would like to have been. 2 minutes and 32 seconds behind Eric... but who's counting?

This week I finally get to start with Jaquelyn Kay. After talking back and forth, it was a relief to know that she is happy with my programming at the Academy for what I am trying to achieve, plus I can still do short distance races while putting on muscle. My overall excitement and competitive spirit seems to be coming back and I absolutely can't wait to see the changes in my body and performance by doing this a healthier way. Let's do this!

57 Days - Motivated People Only

2010-10-16T14:47:00.000-07:00

I usually loved Tuesday and Thursday mornings at the Academy. I'd been known to switch around meetings or opening duties in the office just so that I could start my day getting my ass kicked by Eric, surrounded by my favorite people in the world. I learned all sorts of things in those classes. Not just how to throw weight around, but I learned about honesty, integrity, and everything I needed to face the challenges I had as a leader in my office. But it had been over a month since my competition and my body still didn't seem to be running properly. I was still insanely hungry all the time, weighing myself a ridiculous amount of times a day, not to mention that my performance was crap. I had gained 14 lbs and NOT in a good way. And I didn't want to go to class.

On Tuesday, I walked past the "Motivated People Only" sign on the front door and felt like an imposter. After my talk with Eric last week, I had felt better about everything, at least psychologically. I had stopped fighting my body and let it be where it was. I had accepted the fact that my 'rebuild' was not going to go at my pace and that I may feel a little crazy for a while. But for some reason it was still hard to walk in that door.

I was prepared for the usual... a few linear progression lifts followed by a met-con. But Eric had something else in mind for us. We took a gamble on 3 different unknown choices, and landed on a workout called 'Fran,' a WOD with a nasty reputation.

Fran consists of 21-15-9 reps of thrusters and pull ups. I asked Eric to help me pick a scaled weight for me and he chose 53 lbs. Even in my healthier, stronger days, I had never done this work out at more than 30 lbs. But I trusted him and loaded my bar. I was halfway through my second set of thrusters, struggling a little, Donna was counting and cheering for me, and suddenly a light switch flipped in my head.

Jackie, my new nutritionist had been out of town and unavailable to help me till her return. I had been waiting for her, thinking that her programming would be the solution to all my problems, and did very little to help myself while I was waiting. Then it dawned on me that I had an even better resource than even Jackie could give me at that moment. There was someone who knew me better than anyone, someone who had researched what I had been through and knew a LOT about nutrition and how to regulate my body. That person was me.

When I got home from class that day, I went back through my records and started programming my nutrition based on when I felt the best and incorporated things I had learned from both Joanne and Robb Wolf. I began to take the vitamins and suppliments that I had good responses from before and within just a few days, I had taken 3 lbs off, my energy was up and I was no longer craving food like I was.

Although I have a long way to go to get healthy again, I feel like I'm back on a good path. At night, I dream about new PRs and my race with Franklin in December. I'm slowly coming back to a good base point that will be easier for Jackie to help me build upon. At the end of the day, the goals that I choose are here to enhance my life and I need to make decisions based on that.

As I left the Academy on Thursday this week, I watched Eric proudly scan the new PRs on his spreadsheet. There weren't many places that I could grace the tops of those pages for now, but there will be someday. And there is one area that I know I can do that, sooner rather than later. 57 Days...

72 Days till my race with Shannon Franklin!

2010-10-03T16:34:00.000-07:00

It was an early, foggy morning when Corlyn and I set out on yet another adventure. She was getting to be a good buddy for this type of thing! We arrived at Point Mugu only a few minutes before the start of the 18k. She would start the 11k about 20 minutes after me. I started at a great pace - for a flat 5k!! Someone forgot to tell me that I wasn't a contender to win this one, especially since this was my first real trail run in over 6 months. It took me about 2 miles of uphill to find my correct place among the pack and I reminded myself why I was doing this. In just a few weeks, I would be pacing Erich in Javelina. I needed to know I hadn't completely lost the ability to go long. My time wasn't anything to speak of, but even with the fast start, I was pleasantly surprised to make it the whole 11 miles without a single bonk-like feeling.

I had two hours to myself out on those trails today and they were two hours that were desperately needed to sort through some things going on in my head. It had been a rough few weeks and things didn't seem to be getting any better. This is a hard thing for me to 'go public' with but I feel like I need to share the good with the bad on here, since it is because of other people's blogs that I realize I'm not the only person that has every gone through this. So here goes...

Since my competition I've been completely preoccupied with food. I expected it the first few days, but weeks later I was still fighting my desire to eat more, no matter how much I would eat. I could literally take down 2000 calories in one meal and STILL be hungry. I started feeling depressed, anxious, I'd developed body dismorphia, seeing myself as legitimately fat every time I looked in the mirror and didn't know who to talk to about it. It's hard to explain how bad it has gotten or how out of control I truly feel. I felt like like I was going crazy and that no end of this food obsession was in sight. Had I somehow created an eating disorder?

Then I came across this: http://www.mindandmuscle.net/node/227 It explains in great detail exactly what I have been experiencing the past few weeks. I also found blog post after blog post of women that had gone through this same thing post competition. One woman even said it was worse than childbirth. Although I cannot speak for that, I realized that in order to fix it I needed to come up with some things that would be more important to me than eating ridiculous amounts of food. First I set a firm date with Franklin for our race to the death - December 12th at the Make Room For Santa 5k. The second thing was to immediately get in touch with someone who can help me program my nutrition... working on that one now!

Now that I understand what my body is going through, this is easier for me to control, although I still feel like it is going to take me a while to overcome. I've been honest with Carl and my coaches and I just have to face this head on to get past it.

Most difficult challenge overall award, mentally and physically, between 100 mile race and figure competition... and the winner is: figure competition. Who knew?

Setting Goals

2010-10-01T11:12:00.000-07:00

It was early Wednesday morning as I raced around the block, trying to keep up with some of our strongest men at Team CrossFit Academy. Mile repeats... one of my favorites, but that day my legs just weren't working. I watched them disappear in the distance as I struggled to maintain good form as well as push as hard as I could. When Jeff told me my first lap was 8:28, my heart dropped. How could that possibly be? Round 2 I bettered that mile by a minute, but still significantly different than the 7 minute miles I was used to holding on these, telling me a few things... I'd both lost a lot of speed as well as my ability to pace myself. Two very important things in my world!

Coming back from this figure competition has been harder than I ever thought. It's been almost three weeks and I'm still struggling to do things that came easy to me just a few weeks before the show. My motivation is also rather low, as a result of really having no firm goals in place. There's no race or competition for my mind to drift towards when I'm pushing through a work out. I need to change that pretty quickly.

I'm torn between two worlds right now. One is that I have unfinished business in the figure world. It's not something I'm good at which is all the more reason I want to do it. What I'm learning about this is what an art it really is. You DON'T get the formula right on your first try, no matter who you are. And the more you do it, the more you get it it right and the more trophies you bring home! :)

The other stares me in the face every day when I walk out of the Academy... the leader boards. I'm the #3 gal in the 5k run right now, 1 minute and 34 seconds from being #1. And I want that #1 spot. So I contacted one of my favorite female athletes and fellow CrossFitter, Shannon Franklin, who also happens to be #2 on that list. I talked her in to doing something similar with me that Barry did when we raced each other and PRed substantially back in July. We are going to choose a November or December 5k and go for it!

The idea of racing with Shannon has definitely peaked my desire to get my head back into the game. This weekend we will select our race and then my real training for this will begin. Sub 22 by the end of the year was a goal I set in January... here I come!

The Malibu Dirt Dash 5k

2010-09-26T07:57:00.000-07:00

Fall had snuck up on all of us quickly, and disappeared just as fast, for a few days at least. Enough time to create the perfect morning in the Malibu Canyon for my first post figure competition race. Corlyn and I had piled in to my little Toyota Echo around 6am and arrived about an hour before our little 5k begun.

I had committed to myself that my return to Team CrossFit Academy would be a slow one, so I had taken Thursday off for a tabata run in lieu of class. When I found out what had happened that day, I was sorry that I had. It was Eric's birthday and instead of putting the class through a death WOD of some sort, he read from The Paleo Solution, Robb Wolf's book, for the first 30 minutes of class. His birthday wish was that we would all pay attention to proper nutrition as a result.

It amazes me that any coach stays in business without enforcing diet of some sort. The last few months of my life I have become hyper aware of what nutrition will do to your body... from a performance and an aesthetic perspective. And what other reason would someone even go to a coach/personal trainer? I'm really glad that I followed the program that I did because by shooting performance in the foot by simply reducing my carbs, I'm 100% more aware of the important role that they play. And you will NEVER see me miss a meal that's designed to replenish my glycogen.

So here we were, Corlyn and I.... two peas in a pod... giggling, sharing our stories as to how we both found TCFA, getting lost, sneaking off to find a secret bathroom that I think the volunteers were only supposed to use.

As I lined up to the start of the race and ran in to some old ultra friends, I remembered that this was the last race that I had done with The Moose before he died. He felt present here today with all of us, since in that group, none of us would have met without him. This was also the last 5k that I did before joining Team CrossFit Academy. I looked over at Corlyn, scoping out the women in her age group, smiling. We laughed about how we considered Eric thoroughly responsible for our competitive natures as we eyed the other runners and listened to their conversations about how they were there 'just there to have fun.' We were too, in our own way. We just thought collecting medals was fun!

"2 minutes till the start!" The race director announced. I looked up to the sky. I will enjoy today, because you taught me how to love the trails, Moose. But I will bring home some hardware because Eric has taught me how much I love to win. And we were off...

It was an incredible feeling to be racing again on what was definitely a challenging course. I fought to keep my position among the women leaders but I still wasn't 100% back on my A game. I passed a few women that I would later find out were in my age group. My efforts were enough to earn me 6th overall and 3rd in my age group. The best part was knowing I had crossed that finish line 3 minutes faster than I had two years ago. So by basis of comparison, CrossFit has made me THAT much faster.

Corlyn did amazing as well... 10th overall and 1st in her age group. It was awesome to see how far she had come in the past year. She had gotten SO much faster! Enough so that I realize I better keep improving or she is going to catch me soon!

As soon as that race was over, it immediately hit me how much of a performance based athlete I truly am, and that I will never give that up again for a sport based completely on what you look like. That doesn't mean I am not going to do another figure competition or that I'm not willing to give that up temporarily for certain results, but never for months on end. And from my research, I don't think that I will have to.

Corlyn and I rode home with our medals around our necks, plotting out next weekend. An 11k for her and an 18k for me... I don't have high expectations for this upcoming race, but I know I need to get my head back into the idea of going long, especially since I will be pacing my friend Erich at Javelina in just a few short weeks. Funny, if Summer two years ago heard me say that an 18k was long, she would have laughed and asked if I forgot a '0' somewhere. Of course, Summer two years ago would also have been insanely jealous of the medal I was wearing too.

Thank you. Moose, for teaching me how to love this sport. Thank you, Eric, for making me better at this than I ever thought I could be. I hope someday I can do for someone else what you have done for me.

How to gain 10 lbs in 10 days!

2010-09-23T11:23:00.000-07:00

A) Sign up for a figure competition. Over the course of 5 months, reduce your carbohydrates and sodium dramatically and the month before reduce calories to 1300 a day (mostly protein) and 22 grams of carbs.

B) Show up to said figure competition and parade around in a tiny bikini in front of all your friends... Woo hoo!

C) Go back to a healthy amount of carbohydrates, double your sodium intake and watch yourself blow up like a balloon!

Why exactly does this happen? Well, for every gram of carbohydrate in your body, you need 3 grams of water to bind it to the muscle. By dramatically reducing your carbs, water is minimal so what happens when you start eating any carbs again? You guessed it! Now why the heck would I double my sodium, you ask? Well, a 'healthy' amount of calories a day for me would be about 2200 - 2500 a day, based on my goals. That's twice what I was eating two weeks ago. So by eating exactly the same type of food I was before I just multiplied my sodium by two!

So basically I starved myself for 5 months to look a certain way for 24 hours. Was it worth it? Totally. I'm plotting the next one. But not at the expense of my performance this time.

After much research I have found the organization I would like to compete in next.... Musclemania! Not only do they prefer a more natural physique (such as the gals in the above photo) and require drug testing, the name is just cool... don't you think?

Its amazing how much my body has changed in less than two weeks. I don't look bad, but definitely very soft all around. I immediately started The Zone to get myself on a program but the carbohydrates (even healthy ones) made me look like the stay puft marshmallow woman. So I altered it a little, upping my protein and reducing my carbs slightly... it's still dramatically more than what I had in my diet pre-comp. And I feel GREAT! Two weeks back to CrossFit , taking it SLOWLY, I've gotten both my enthusiasm and a little bit of strength back.

I start working with Jackie Kay next week and I'm really excited. I'm looking at a May date for my next competition, so that I have time to put on some lasting muscle and hopefully stand a chance at doing well. In the meantime, Corlyn and I will head off to a local 5k on Saturday to kick some major butt together. Today I was able to run farther on my tabata than I ever have before. Maybe a little time away from my sport of choice was exactly what I needed. Game on!

The Tournament of Champions Figure Competition

2010-09-13T12:06:00.001-07:00

Wow... what an amazing adventure!

It all started early Friday morning. I did my last 'cardio' run and headed out the door for my nail and hair appointments. My mom had come into town and from there we would head out to the event hotel for my tan and check in. I had no idea what to expect.

I knocked at the door of the hotel room that had been emailed to me. A small, blonde woman pulled me in quickly and checked my name off the list. She told me to follow her as she snuck me down a hallway into another room. I was greeted by a tall black man who ushered me in through a plastic drape.

"Take off your clothes" he said as he brought me past 3 other naked women, all in various stages of tanning. He directed me left, right, arms up, legs apart... welcome to the figure competition world!

As I stood in front of a fan, shivering and drying for almost an hour I suddenly realized that all expectations of the next 36 hours of my life were about to be disproven. And I wasn't wrong.

Saturday morning, Carl, my mom and I arrived at the venue, a large auditorium, to start getting ready. I looked around at my competition. I was clearly the smallest and least experienced girl among the group. I expected that to a degree but not to the extreme that it was. These girls were BIG and not naturally so. I took a deep breath and vowed to give this my all no matter what the results would be.

The day seemed to fly by for me. Prejudging was at 11am. When the competition began and the other categories were competing, I got my tan touched up, slipped into my heels, superglued my bikini and was on stage before I even realized what had happened. Joanne showed up and got a quick picture with me backstage before they called for my group. I didn't expect to get as nervous as I did and my poses were a little off, but I had survived the morning.

The three of us headed back to my apartment to wait. I was tired but napping was out of the question due to my painted on tan. I sat in a rather uncomfortable position on the couch, watching a movie with my mom. 5:15 came quickly and we headed back out to Culver City for the finals.

So many of my friends came... I couldn't believe it. I let go of the notion that I might actually do well in this competition and enjoyed it for the experience. I knew what they were looking for and it was not me. Plus I apparently chose the only organization that does not drug test, which tends to attract the bigger girls. I stood no chance. But I was damn proud of how far I had brought my body and the work that I had put in to it. When I placed last in my division, I didn't even get feel sad. I felt happy as I exited the stage, looking at that group of people, yelling and cheering for me, the underdog. The support I had was incredible.

While it's true that I am proud of my accomplishment, I still don't feel like I'm done. I succeeded in the same way that I succeeded in running my first 50 mile race. I did it, but I didn't actually do it THAT well... not to the degree I know I could. So... round 2!

What I learned was that cardio is a BAD idea for me. What it did was completely whittle away my muscles away to nothing, as you can see above. I didn't look like a muscular figure competitor, I looked like I hadn't eaten in 2 months, which is pretty much true! I know what Joanne was trying to do... if she leaned me out enough, my muscles would pop more. But the muscles went too. My body responded differently. That's the amazing thing about the human body. What works on one, will not on the other and vice versa.

I contacted Jackie Kay, a girl I've spoken about several times on this blog. She's a pro figure competitor and CrossFitter who can work with Eric's programming to help me with my nutrition. After 2 days of eating a ridiculously large amount of food, I am temporarily going on The Zone and awaiting further details from her. We will start working together the end of the month and at that time she will help me figure out a realistic time frame and I will pick a show that DOES do drug testing so I actually stand a chance!

Today was my first day back at the Academy and we ran a 5k. Boy that was humbling! Almost two minutes behind my usual PR. But I expected that. It's so good to be back!

10 Days - It's the final COUNTDOWN!!

2010-09-01T09:54:00.000-07:00

I always had this somewhat silly goal. I love Oxygen Magazine and I would always turn to the 'Future of Fitness' section to check out the girls they selected and how far I had to go to be one of them. Basically they pick out 6 ordinary gals like me each issue and feature them in the magazine. I dreamed of having a body like theirs so that I could at least submit. Well, here are the photos! Obviously, I don't know what will happen but it was a huge win for me to finally feel like I was in a place I could enter!

I don't really have any great stories to tell this week. Actually, my secret bad-ass CrossFit life has become virtually extinct. There's nothing great to tell about how I got conquered my first pull up or hand stand, or PRed a ground to overhead lift. And quite honestly, I don't care. I'm exhausted. My life is full of way too much cardio and way too many reps of push ups, pull ups, sit ups, presses, squats, push ups... the list goes on. If you put me in a CrossFit class right now, I would crash and burn, big time! I can't even imagine wanting to go, other than to see my friends. But as sure as my overtrained, underfed body is rejecting all things high intensity right now, it will be back. A few days after the competition, I will rise from carbohydrate comatose state and be ready to start lifting heavy stuff really fast again. I look forward to that.

With all that being said, I couldn't be happier. What I have gained from this experience is an incredible knowledge of my body and how it responds to what I eat or what I deprive myself of. And what more perfect way to enter into my last two weeks than to once again experience the teachings of my nutrition mentor, Robb Wolf. We were fortunate enough to have him back at Team CrossFit Academy for a seminar on Saturday. I am completely convinced that man is the reason behind years being added to my life. After I met him last year, I dropped gluten from my diet, as well as all the pain I had been experiencing all my life from an out of control auto immune disease. I never looked back.

10 Days... I can't believe it's almost here. On so many levels this has been just as challenging, if not moreso, than most of my ultra training. I can't wait to compete on such a different level than I ever have before. And most importantly... I can't wait to eat CARBS!!

17 Days - When your 'Get up and Go!' gets up and leaves...

2010-08-25T10:23:00.000-07:00

"See..." Carl said as we drove back from Gold's Gym on Sunday afternoon, "Eric never would have been able to tell you that you are supposed to super glue your bikini on..."

"Oh I wouldn't put it past him!" I laughed. We had just come from a posing session with Joanne. Somehow I always felt like I was cheating on Team CrossFit Academy whenever I stepped into "The Mecca of Bodybuilding" as it states on the outside of the gym.

My last adventure with my TCFA friends was the morning before at a local Mud Run. Trish, Anel, Corlyn and I had joined forces to tackle a new race in Pasadena. I was nervous about my ability to keep up with them with the pre show diet down but I wanted to be there. Trish, of course, took off and lead the race and I thought for sure I was in trouble. On a perfect day, I would have been on her heels, pushing myself towards my goal of being the fastest girl in the Academy. Today, I would let Anel do that and I opted to run with Corlyn. The two of them took off and Corlyn and I ran together, fighting through the obstacles and racing around the Rose Bowl. All in all a poorly organized race, but a lot of fun to be out there with those 3 outstanding women!

From this point out, due to my diet, I am no longer able to go to Team CrossFit Academy until the competition is over. It makes me really sad but at the same time, it has been the ultimate experiment for me. I'm learning how much nutrition truly affects overall performance. When I finally let go of trying to balance both worlds and just embrace what Joanne was telling me to do, I became a lot calmer about everything. Yes, my performance has gone to hell but it will come back. In less than 3 weeks, Eric will be barking at me again every Tuesday and Thursday morning, just like old times. I feel really good about how much I have changed my body, what I have learned by doing this, and especially excited about plotting my next step in all of this!

24 Days -

2010-08-18T13:11:00.000-07:00

4 Weeks Out - 119 lbs. Show weight will be 112. I will lose about 3 more actual pounds of fat and the rest will be water depletion. I'm down to 1300 calories a day, two days in a row, 1600 calories one day, and repeat. Up to 6 days/week cardio (ugh!), 2 days/week CrossFit (it's all my body can handle at this point), 2-3 days of 'parts' training and lots of ab work. I'm starving!

"Wow... he's hot!" One of my coworkers said, peering over my homage to Team CrossFit Academy on the side of my cubicle. She was checking out Eric.

I laughed. "See how hot you think he is when you are stuck in the bottom of a push up halfway through a hero work out!"

It was true though... I was surrounded by some really beautiful men. From my coach, to the guys I train with like Brian and Lawrence that are not only physically perfect, they are complete beasts. And then of course the one that tops them all in my mind, Carl. I'll be honest, it was a little intimidating to become involved with someone who quite literally looked like he'd been chisled out of a block of stone, while living in the body I had created with overtraining and poor nutrition. I wouldn't say that is the ONLY reason that I decided to go the route that I have, but it was certainly an encouraging factor.

I'm learning that for most people, how they look is extremely important. Even moreso than performance at times. When I was training for my first ultramarathon, people weren't really that interested in how I did it... but now that my body has changed so much, I get daily emails from women with questions as to how make their bodies do that too.

It's been an interesting journey for me and it has made me realize that you can literally make your body look like pretty much anything if your commitment level is there. But don't underestimate the body's fight to maintain itself. Pushing against your natural and healthy cravings for food can do the same thing to your mind that running 100 miles will do.

Next week is my trial run of show week. That means no CrossFit and no fruit, the two things in life that I love the most right now (other than Carl)! So by a week from Sunday, if I successfully pull off the water and sodium, I will finally look like a figure competitor. Round 1 is coming to its 3 final weeks...

29 Days - Beyond September 11th...

2010-08-13T16:03:00.000-07:00

Jaqueline Kay... first picture pre-CrossFit (her first NPC), second picture, pure CrossFit/Zone. Hmmm....

At 6:30am this morning I had successfully slept in (at least in my world) and was off for yet another 'cardio' run. As I turned the block, another runner joined me on my path of oxidative destruction. He turned around to see exactly where he was in relation to me. "That little jerk thinks he's faster than me!" I thought. I picked up the pace and left him in the dust 1/4 mile back before I realized that the only person I had just screwed over was myself. I was out for an hour long run on minimal fuel since my calorie cut, and my pointless sprint had just landed me into an even more exhausted state. I changed my Ipod over to a slower song and fell into another monotonous pace. I could just see my athletic abilities being swallowed up with every slow moving step.

I'm not sure why I didn't just go to my coach, Eric in the first place when I decided to do a figure comp. Okay, maybe that's not entirely true. I guess I was a little bit embarrassed to tell him that his bad ass 100 mile racer now wanted to parade around in a sparkly bikini and clear heels and call it a 'sport.' I also didn't realize either how much my figure coach would give me would be contradictory to CrossFit or my ability to excel as an athlete. I thought she would just be in charge of nutrition and posing and that would be the end of it. After all, most CrossFit women that really have their nutrition dialed in look like figure competitors anyway.

Joanne has done an amazing job programming me from the angle that she knows. I will step on stage in 4 weeks and look like I belong there and may even be a contender to place. But beyond this competition, as much as I feel that I will have unfinished business, I cannot see myself continuing with something that sacrifices my first love... running.

Enter Eric... I had asked him for help earlier in the week and when I walked into the Academy on Thursday and he immediately pulled me into his office, going over some research he had done on another CrossFit facility that trains figure competitors. Not only were these women beautiful, but they had functional muscles... ones that had gotten some of them all the way to the CrossFit Games. The idea that I could have it all... be a strong runner as well as a good CrossFitter and figure competitor, was beyond a dream for me. It is going to take A LOT of work but I'm up for the challenge.

I'm really glad that I went through Joanne for my first one. She has been nothing but supportive and has taught me everything I need to know to be successful in my first competition. And until this one is over, I will follow everything she tells me to do and learn everything I can. But looking beyond September 11th, I'm excited to apply what I learned to a purely CrossFit way of doing things. It will be an interesting compare and contrast of how I do in my first one and how my second one goes.

36 Days - Midnight muscle ups and a night of no cell reception.

2010-08-07T18:09:00.000-07:00

It was exactly what I needed after a stressful week at work. Vanessa, Kellie, Shali and I stood at the foot of a tall water tower in the middle of the Angeles Crest National Forest that Eric, Michael and Carl had just climbed. "Anyone that can get up here on their own can sleep up here!" Eric yelled. "But no cheating... no one helps each other."

"C'mon sweetie!" Carl yelled. "Come get your muscle up!"

I smiled and rolled my eyes before Kellie and I went on our mission to tackle the 'alien landing pad' as they called it. Fortunately it wasn't as bad as it had looked, although getting up there wasn't the prettiest thing for either of us. The boys laughed as we climbed up into our group bedroom for the evening.

The hard surface under the stars quickly became the happiest, most relaxing and comfortable place I had been in a long time. As the sun went down, I curled up next to Carl and listened to Eric tell bedtime stories about his time in Egypt. I laid and looked at the stars and contemplated life... I had a lot on my mind.

I'd found myself thinking a lot about ultrarunning again recently. It was hard not to let my mind drift back to my adventures out here, in this forest where I had spent many sleepless nights. We were here tonight to run an aid station for the Mt. Disappointment 50k being held the next morning.

As I laid there, I thought about the running cert that I had dropped in on with Carl last weekend down in Orange County. I remember what Homey had said "You must be a CrossFitter first before the CFE program can work for you." I started questioning myself. Was a really a CrossFitter when I started CFE? I couldn't do a push up or a pull up. Eric would program a snatch and I'd look at him sideways and he'd have to run through the lift with me again. I'm not necessarily the strongest girl in the world, but I do have a base now. I can take myself through the Burgener warm up on my own and I know all my PRs and I don't take three days to recover from any work out that involves my upper body.

On cue, I received an email on Friday from Keith, a Team INKnBURN athlete, inviting me to be on the team. He told me that if I decided to do it, I would get an athlete profile on the site, they would track my weekly mileage... etc. That put a smile on my face. First off, Team INKnBURN is a place I always saw myself fitting in. They are just a little different than everyone else but in a good way. And I really like Charlie Nickell, the guy in charge of all their madness. Second, how fun would it be to make my ultrarunning comeback as a part of a team like that as well as having my roots with Team CrossFit Academy? If I have a site that's tracking my mileage and a team like that who I am representing, I have no choice but to put my money where my mouth is. I don't have to be an elite athlete, but I do have to come back better than I was when I trained with long slow distance.

I'm excited about my figure competition, but I know that many times girls that do this have their 'on' and 'off' seasons and it would be fun to balance that world with ultrarunning. It is something that I am seriously considering. For now, I'm going to be the one oddball Team INKnBURN 5k racer. I like it.

It was wonderful to see all of my ultrarunning friends come through our aid station today. I realized how much I have missed all of them and the adventures we had. I excitedly watched as one of my CrossFit friends, Hope, tackled her first ultramarathon too, reflecting back on my first finish. I watched Eric proudly representing Search and Rescue and his Red Militia as well. Maybe you can be part of two worlds. Maybe that's the only way you can reach your full potential, by playing different roles in different groups of people. I've found some great roots at TCFA. Time to let my branches grow.

40 Days - Remembering The Moose

2010-08-03T11:29:00.000-07:00

6 weeks out... when things start to get interesting...

I remember it as if it were yesterday... It was the day after I'd gone through another break up with another wrong guy and it was time for me to follow my heart in a very different way. I walked into Phidippides running store.

"Hi, I'm training for the Western States 100. What do I need?"

That's the day I met the Moose. Everyone there thought I was crazy. I'd finished a few marathons but never run an ultra or even done a trail run outside of a few fire trails that qualified more as dog parks than legit trail runs. But the Moose didn't think I was crazy. He believed in me before he even really knew me. He hooked me up with a great pair of trail shoes, the right water bottles and an amazing group of friends that set me on the right path. I finished many ultras after that, some with Moose right there, cheering. There was nothing about that person that revealed that he was dying. Not until the end.

We lost the Moose two years ago this month. As I get ready this week to head out to crew at Mt. Disappointment, memories of him are prevalent in my mind. He died a few days before I finished that 50 mile run in 2008. I almost pulled out, but I decided it would be a wonderful way to honor his life. It was. He was definitely there with me, leading me on that path where I met people that would help fill the gap in my life that was created by his departure. Erich Weller was the first, who I met around mile 15 or so, going up a hard climb. Little did I know at the time we would be fast friends. He would be the person that convinced me to leave Barry's Bootcamp and try out this CrossFit thing. He would pace me in my first 100 mile race only a few months after that. A couple more miles down the road I would meet Eric and Vanessa, running one of the aid stations. Sometimes you can define a moment in your life when it changes direction. That was one for me. As sad as that day was for me, so many good things came out of it.

The Moose would have loved the Academy and the people that I have met there. I think about that sometimes. He'd be proud of me and my new goals outside of ultrarunning. I'm sure he would be in the front row of my competition cheering, smiling saying "This is great... this is just great," in a way only the Moose could. I miss him so much.

I'm 6 weeks out from my competition now. This past week I've had to take a deep breath, let go of my former PRs and embrace my hunger as a tool to get me where I'm going. My calories are down to 1500 a day, my carbs are less than 70 grams per day. I daydream about pizza and cookies the way that I imagine an addict thinks about cigarettes. It's actually pretty interesting to watch the body's natural response to attempt to maintain itself.

I'm always going to want to see my performance improving, and having my energy drop puts me in a bad place mentally. I'm looking forward to getting through my first competition and applying what I've learned to a more CrossFit way of training and nutrition. And to lift my spirits even more, I decided to assemble my dream team for an upcoming event... the CrossFit Endurance Challenge. Teams of 6 would take on a 10k AMRAP for 10 hours. I chose the 5 strongest women I knew to ask to be a part of my team and they ALL said yes! It's a few weeks after my figure competition. Just enough time to do some intervals, restore my glycogen and get myself back up to into racing form.

Remembering back to my time with the Moose made me realize that I have nothing to be sad about when it comes to my choices and the way my body is affected by the shift in my goals. Moosie didn't have the options that I did... he would have given anything to be cancer free and healthy enough to do any of the things I am doing right now. I'm grateful for my health and my life, the ability to make decisions, set new goals, try new things.

52 Days - The CrossFit Games 2010 and other great things that happened this week!

2010-07-22T09:30:00.001-07:00

"Pull ups."

They were the only two words that Eric spoke to me as I transitioned from my Olympic lift that day to our next workout. Two words... but there was a lot of meaning behind them. They meant "You asked me to hold you accountable and I am." They meant "You've been doing CrossFit for a year and a half, you SHOULD have this." They meant "TODAY is the day."

I didn't expect it to happen like it did. I walked straight up to the bar, kipped once and I was over it. I didn't really know what had happened at first. Lynn was the only witness, but by the look on her face, I knew I had done it.

"Did I just do a pull up?" I asked her.

She nodded "Yeah, you did!"

I screamed, ran over and hugged her. It was the CrossFit equivalent of crossing the finish line of my first 100 mile race. Huge goal... ACCOMPLISHED!

The weekend before that I found myself surrounded by my CrossFit family at the 2010 Games. It was amazing to watch some of my favorite elite CrossFitters duke it out for the title "Fittest on Earth." The last workout of the competition was definitely the most interesting and controvercial. After 3 days straight of pushing their bodies to an incredible extreme, the final workout was three part, the last part ending with three rounds of 5 'over the wall' burpees and 20 foot rope climbs (2 for the girls, 3 for the guys). I watched as the best of the best would climb to the top and make it within inches of their target before having to climb back down. I watched as they fell and laid on the ground, giving up. There was a lot of controversy in the community about putting a work out like that at the end of an event that was already extreme. I have some pretty strong feelings myself about what happened out there.

My biggest complaint about the CrossFit Games is that there will always be someone who is stronger at one thing and weaker at another. So ALWAYS... someone will hear what the work out is and think 'oh thank God!" and that person will excel. If we are claiming to have the "Fittest On Earth" how do we measure that in only three days?

My answer to this is exactly what they did that Sunday afternoon. They put our athletes into an extreme and even dangerous situation. They had to. Should more safety precautions have been taken? Maybe. But I commend CrossFit for what they did out there. The best of the best won the Games this year as a result. Now does that mean I think that someone should scale a 20 foot rope on their first day? No way. But someone who is claiming to be the "Fittest on Earth?" Absolutely.

So I guess you could say I was inspired going into class on Tuesday. I may not be the "Fittest on Earth" but gosh darn it, I have my pull up!

60 Days - Fight or Flight

2010-07-14T10:44:00.000-07:00

Photos 9 weeks out...

Goal is two weeks was a 5lb increase, building muscle into my shoulders/arms/back while still decreasing overall body fat. Result: 3 lb gain, 1/4 inch increase on my biceps and noticable muscular growth in back and shoulder caps... 1/2 inch decrease on my bustline. Kinda hoping that isn't TOO noticable. :(

"Maam, are you sure you don't want a cart for that?" the lady at the check out counter commented, gazing wide eyed at my purchase, the result of a huge sale on bottled water.

"I'm good," I smiled to myself... boy if she could have seen what I was doing about 30 minutes prior to that!

There are days at the Academy that legitimately scare me. Eric will gather us around to speak to us and every part of my body seizes up and it's everything I can do to keep myself from running out the door. But being a little scared isn't necessarily a bad thing. My "fight or flight" mentality kicks in and my inability to do most of the work outs to standard increases my desire to fight. More and more I am noticing a call from our coaching staff to step it up. Complacency and mediocraty is no longer acceptable. We're not expected to all be fire breathers, but we are expected to become more self aware, embracing our flaws so that we can overcome them. It KILLS me not to be the strongest person there... I'm not sure if it's my competitive nature or a litte bit of a 'teachers pet' syndrome, but not being the best at something bothers the hell out of me. Which is why I was honored to be split into a group this morning with Donna, one of the strongest women in our team 6am class. Attempting to keep up with her today would be a true test of character.

As I struggled through 55 cleans at 65 lbs, the hardest part of our three part work out this morning, I watched Donna out of the corner of my eye. She was a perfect example of what I wanted to be... strong, tough, and had become that way by coming in every day and giving this everything that she has. There were a lot of examples in that room of people that had embraced the 'fight' and were becoming overall good, quality people. Their fitness levels seemed to just be the added bonus.

The idea of starting my diet down on Sunday and adding more 'cardio' is about as unappealing to me as anything could be. Not because of the work outs or eating routines themselves but because I'm stronger than I have ever been and all I want to do is see how much farther I can take this. But I committed to this competition and I need to stick with it. 8 weeks from now, I will reassess my goals. Will it be to continue forward with figure/fitness competitions utilizing a more CrossFit-like training program? Will it be to be the fastest 5k girl at Team CrossFit Academy? That is constantly sitting in the back of my mind. Will it be to go back to ultrarunning? Man, I miss that. But I can't go back to it the way I was. I would want to actually be able to race and do well, meaning I still think I need a stronger base.

My first place Boot Brew team consisting of Donna and Corlyn sat on the boxes outside after our work out was over and I went to join them. As soon as Val finished, we worked a little on my pull up. I wondered what my coworkers were doing in that moment. I wondered what our vice presidents would look like bench pressing and deadlifting and cleaning an olympic weightlifting bar. Everything I had done that morning would help me face what I had to face when I got in today. As we said our goodbyes and confirmed the attendance of our friends the next morning, I was already wishing it was 6am again.

62 Days - Responsibility

2010-07-11T16:21:00.000-07:00

"Kellie!" I screamed. "Are you ok down there?"

"Crap," Leon said pacing the canyon. I TOLD her not to jump! Too risky with those rocks in the water down there."

"KELLIE!!" I cried.

"I'm calling 911!" Brian said, taking control of the situation. "Hello? You're sending Sierra Madre Search and Rescue? WAIT..."

"NO!!" We heard Kellie scream from the bottom of the ravine. "Whatever you do, don't send Eric!! I'll be ok. The bone is only somewhat exposed... Can someone just toss me a vine or something?"

At least that's how we imagined it all going down as we hiked to the beautiful Sturtevant Falls off of Chantry road. The four of us laughed as we leaped over rocks and toyed with the idea of jumping into the large beautiful pools at the base of several waterfalls.

On Saturday night, before the group of us found ourself on these trails in the early hours of the next morning, we loosely plotted our adventure at the Team CrossFit Academy party. I watched the faces of the people around me as Eric got up to address us. That man probably has more responsibility than anyone that I know. The responsibility to his athletes standing there around him, to the high school students he coaches, to now the Sierra Madre Search and Rescue. He chose his career and the things in life he felt passionately about but the responsibility chose him. It made me realize that living my life out loud as I do on this blog, in my office, in our CrossFit community, gave me responsibility too. I have a responsibility not to become frustrated with people that come to me saying "Summer, I've been eating so low fat, why am I not losing weight?" If I had walked in the door of Team CrossFit Academy saying "Eric, I'm running so much mileage, why am I not getting faster?" and he brushed me off, how would that have made me feel? Where would I be right now?

I mention Eric quite a bit on this blog. I feel that people get honored more in death than in life at times and I don't think that is fair. Especially for someone who has sacrificed so much of his life to better other people's. But there are friends that I don't mention often enough on here. Kellie has been a major driving force behind the success of Team CrossFit Academy. She too in a very different way has sacrificed her life to give others like me something to live for. And today the people making me feel complete were the quasi random group that had assembled at the trailhead just before 7am. As we wandered our playground, the four of us discussed the very different ways that we had found CrossFit. I wondered if we would have all met any other way. These days make me who I am. We're a strong, supportive, responsible community.

And then of course there's Carl, absent from today's adventure, changing a few athletes lives at an Endurance Certification in Atlanta. He is my best friend and my biggest supporter and someone who is always an incredible example of patience and ownership of what he does. Running the CFE programming is not without it's challenges and certainly within the realm of HUGE responsibility.

I think as busy as I get with work and life in general, it is still time for me to step up my game. I want to embrace being a leader in our community whether inside or out of it. I want to have the integrity and patience that my leaders have shown to me. I want to pay it forward and make a difference. I'm not sure what that means for me yet, but I will figure it out as I go.

64 Days - Love the challenges that break you

2010-07-09T21:30:00.000-07:00

A few days ago, I put out a question on Facebook... What motivates you to train? Not the obvious answers like the events themselves but the little things that get you up in the morning. I got some great responses from fear of failure to Catra's very honest reply about her fight with addiction.

It forced me to look at myself and the real reason that I train. I've felt very torn this week. Something clicked with my body and I was suddenly PRing my 5k by almost a minute, I deadlifted 5 lbs over my pre-tailbone injury PR, and I was pressing 3x3 at 3 lbs over what my max was only a few weeks before. If I was making gains like this with a somewhat figure competition bastardized version of CrossFit, I started imagining how far I could take this if I shelfed the contest and committed to CrossFit entirely.

And then I realized that CrossFit wasn't really where my heart was, at least right now. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE utilizing it for what it was intented for... to give an athlete a good foundation so that they can be stronger in any area they choose. But the thing that I'm in love with... the thing that gets me out of bed every morning is my friends, my coaches, feeling like I'm a part of something bigger than me and meeting a challenge that's so far out of my comfort zone that it forces me to discover another side of myself.

I'm not sure why I chose a figure competition. I do think it has a lot to do with curiousity. Right now it's a big test of will. Each day I wonder how I'm going to get 40 more ounces of chicken breasts in my stomach that day and DON'T underestimate that challenge! There's a lot about the program that I'm on right now that I question but I often think back to what Carl has told me in the past 'A bad program done well is better than a good program done poorly.' And I don't think I'm on a BAD program. I've had amazing results, I'm just curious about the ways that I could do it differently for next time. Wouldn't it be great if I didn't have to feel like I was being torn in two directions constantly between CrossFit and a figure competition?

I have about a week left of 'bulking' before I start the diet down. That's when my hard work will start to show and at the same time, overtrained, underfed 'bitchy' Summer will rear her ugly head, or so I hear. But I have high hopes of keeping things postitive even during that time. If I can make it through a 100 mile race without that person coming to visit, SURELY I can keep her under wraps during this. 9 weeks out... Off to eat more chicken. :(

68 Days - If you are going to beat me, you are going to have to SUFFER!

2010-07-05T08:16:00.000-07:00

Dean Karnazes told me something once that has always stuck with me... "Comfort does not equal happiness." It seems like so many people are obsessed with 'comfort' that they miss the point entirely. There is no comfort without pain. And pain isn't necessarily a bad thing. Sometimes pain is needed to take us to that next level and to discover who we really are.

I remember reading something on the Academy blog before I even started attending classes there. "If you are going to beat me, you are going to have to suffer." I liked that. The idea of driven, motivated people who weren't afraid to experience pain seemed to be my kind of folks.

Barry in particular is one of the hardest workers that I know. I see him come into the 6am class with me religiously working on his lifts through linear progression and it motivates me too. He's not afraid to fail and he gives it everything he has on a daily basis. Which is why it seemed like the obvious decision to invite him out on my next 5k PR attempt on the 4th of July. Our PRs were currently within one second of each other and by running this together, we would both surely PR or die trying.

We lined up at the start line of the Palisades 5k about 20 minutes before the race began to ensure a spot towards the front. There were approximately 3500 people at this very popular yearly event. The idea of placing wasn't even really on our minds in a field that big. We both had two goals. 1) beat our previous PRs, 2) beat each other. The loser owed the winner 5 burpees at the finish line.

The gun was barely audibly among the huge crowd that surrounded us, but as soon as those in front of us had taken off, we took our cue. Barry and I weaved our way in and out of the masses, finding a good spot where we could hold our pace. Both of us were notorious for taking off fast and running together would either be to our detriment or save us. It turned out to be the latter. Barry reminded me a few minutes in to back off the pace and I did. Our first mile was downhill and we passed it at 7 minutes exactly. Perfect. I chased Barry up the next hill and he chased me through the flatter areas, playing lead frog all the way. We were somewhere between two very focused people charging at our goals with all our hearts and two little kids on the playground playing tag.

We were up to two miles and keeping our pace well. I was about 50 meters in front of Barry and was hoping not to lose the person who had been such a great motivation to me so far. I wanted us to do this together. So I turned to him "You better catch me! You will never hear the end of it if you don't!!" It worked. He smiled and sped up.

The finish line came up quicker than either of us expected. "Barry!! We're gonna do this!" I shouted with the very little breath I had available. He took off in front of me but I never lost sight of him. I tried hard to catch him before he crossed the finish line but he beat me by 14 seconds. We had both significantly PRed... Barry now had an official 22:10 5k and I had a 22:24.

We both collapsed on the grass next to each other, the world spinning but neither of us could be happier. The people around us gave us strange looks as Carl just laughed and took pictures of us. "I still owe you 5 burpees, huh Barry?" I smiled.

"Yep... but I will do them with you!"

Barry and I enjoyed 5 cool down burpees as we received even weirder looks from those walking by us. Crazy Crossfitters.

We went to check our official results and I couldn't believe it... I had made the leader board! In a race that big, I had placed 10th female overall and won my age group.

Here's the really amazing thing. Barry and I have been pretty much doing zero running. Other than my couple of 'cardio' sessions per week that Joanne has prescribed (that does literally nothing for my overall fitness) Barry and I have been following Eric's linear progression program. Basically, we are just lifting heavy and doing some very short met cons in association with that. I've put on 3 lbs of muscle in the past few weeks and my focus has been just on getting stronger and of course looking better for my competition. Maybe a 10 second PR could have been considered just luck, but Barry's was a 1 minute 5 second PR and mine was by 53 seconds... that was NOT luck. It gives me hope that when I do decide to try for Western States again, I'm on the right path working on my overall strength. I'm setting the CFE program up to succeed.

"This is an important day for you," I remember Eric telling me as we lined up for a time trial up Mt. Wilson over a year ago. He pointed out a girl named Trish to be my carrot. But she was so much faster than me, I thought he was crazy to think I could ever compete with her. I'm still not as fast as she is, but to see that our 5k times were within a minute of each other this weekend gave me hope. The carrot is back out. That WAS an important day. It's the day that started it all...

72 Days - All coaching is, is taking a player where he can't take himself

2010-07-01T10:03:00.000-07:00

Photos 11 Weeks Out...

"Hey Summer... you will be proud of me! I'm going to see my new personal trainer tomorrow." JJ smiled from across the cubicles, awaiting my response.

"That's great JJ! Are you excited?"

"Well," he said reluctantly, "She says she can't do that much for me. I'm too inflexible. What do you think about that?"

"Honestly? I think you found yourself a shitty trainer."

It's been within the last few weeks that I've realized that the right coaching can make or break you. Had I sat in Joanne's office a few months ago and had her list her hesitancies with coaching me, I'd never have made it as far as I did. It takes someone seeing beyond your flaws, because we truly all have big ones, and realizing there is something bigger inside you that can get you beyond them.

My first posing lesson was on Monday. As I stood looking into about 5 different mirrors, examining my body and contorting it into very unnatural positions in my 5 inch stripper heels and tiny bikini, Joanne looked at me contemplatively. I wasn't sure what was about to come out of her mouth. "You know," she said. "You have really good coaches at your CrossFit place."

"What prompted that?" I asked.

"You are much more aware of your body that most of the girls I teach that train on elliptical machines and are afraid of using free weights. Because your coaches have trained you on functional movement, your posture is better, you know how to make your muscles work together. Overall it makes you easier to teach."

Thursdays are traditionally the least attended days of any CrossFit facility. But this morning, when I walked in, the room was full of my favorite people. Barry, my new favorite racing buddy whose 5k was 1 second faster than mine, Corlyn and Donna, my winning teammates from last weekend, Rose, my linear progression partner, Brian and Lawrence our resident fire breathers, Val - everything I aspire to be. And then there was Coach LeClair, back from a week away from us. It was a perfect training morning.

Rose and I set up our bench press bar and joining us for the first time was a girl names Tawny, a marathon runner that had come to us because she intended to qualify for Boston. Eric introduced her to both of us, although I had met her in passing before. "Rose will be here to give you some guidance. Listen to what she tells you. Summer will be your motivation." He smiled and walked off.

We went through a series of bench presses before moving on to bent rows. After that, we were on to my favorite thing (and I mean this very sarcastically), the evil GHD.

Other than hand stands, one of the things that scares me the most in CrossFit is the GHD. Every time I see one, I get dizzy and sick and can't stop the feeling that somehow the pin will come out of it and I will go plummetting down to my death. I really only remember one time before this that I had even attempted to do anything on one. That was on my first date with Carl and clearly then, I couldn't show fear. Due to my own pride, I always try to cover my fear around Eric too, but that's basically like trying to keep a shark from sensing blood in the water. So of course, I quickly became voluneered to demo the GHD. A good coach... someone that sees beyond your flaws. Someone that understands how to work with different personalities and what pushes certain people's buttons to help them achieve things they never thought they could. Good coaching that day, as odd as it sounds, involved having me hang upside down from the GHD and jokingly threatening to pull the pin out of it. He left and I jumped back on and did 20 more hip extentions on my own.

I felt good when I left class today. It was similar to the way I had felt when Eric had helped me get my first assisted hand stand. I found a weakness, I overcame an obstacle and I experienced excellent coaching. Just an average day at Team CrossFit Academy!

76 Days - Passion Versus Obsession

2010-06-28T10:53:00.000-07:00

Western States weekend will always be special to me, whether I am there or not. Without having even run that race, it has changed my life. My desire to complete that particular 100 mile journey sparked a new path for me in and of itself, from my 135 mile journey across the desert supporting Dean, to meeting The Moose and riding on his encouraging words that lead me to run my first 100 mile race. My training lead me to Mt. Disappointment where I was connected with Team CrossFit Academy that eventually lead me to Carl. Somehow everything relates back to that finish line in Auburn.

This weekend I had several friends run Western States and as always with 100 mile races, some of them finished it, some didn't. DNFs are part of being an ultrarunner. Among the list of 'drops' (although in this person's case I would list her as a 'pulled out kicking and screaming') was Catra. Interestingly enough, when she posted her status on Facebook, someone actually had the balls to post that this type of thing was good because it shows us that we need to train. It's not the comment in and of itself that struck me, but the fact that this person could actually be suggesting that Catra, accomplished ultrarunner who probably takes on about a 100 miler every month, not to include her regular 50ks, 50 milers and her own runs, could have done better if she trained more?? That person had clearly blurred the lines of passion versus obsession.

Stepping outside of the ultrarunning community made me realize how much this sport had taken over my life and how it had truly become more of an obsession to me. I was avoiding real interactions with people for mileage on the trails. Although I could run for a really long time, I was not healthy. Ironically enough, I reflected back on this today as I popped 13 vitamins and suppliments and then spent 20 minutes weighing and measuring out 6 meals perfectly, while fighting back tears from not being able push past my PR on my press this morning (a hormonal response to my body fat dropping so low).

My conclusion? I think any athlete that is good at what they do and gives it their all within a sport has to be a little nuts to be successful. And there's an extremely fine line between passionately pursuing something and obsessively letting it take over your life and become something unhealthy. I would say the end result of the ultramarathon was more difficult than the end result of this competition for me. But I really think my training and prep is MUCH harder. My desire to step away from something that had become an addiction for me has lead me to an even more 'addictive' sport.

Today I meet with Joanne to learn how to pose and walk on stage. I can't believe I am only 11 weeks out (10 'training weeks') from my first competition. It will be good to talk to her today with all the changes that have been going on in my body. Things will only get more difficult from this point out, especially with my diet. But I'm excited. The flip side of all of this is that life is so much more full when you are pursuing aspects of bettering yourself, facing challenges and overcoming them. To stand on that stage in September will be a huge goal accomplished in my life. To have my friends, my coaches, and Carl's support is going to be a major contributing factor and it is my larger goal to keep them all above this in my list of priorities. None of it would mean anything without them.

77 Days - Quality Girl Time

2010-06-26T20:51:00.000-07:00

One thing that has been lacking in my life over the past few years is a good girlfriend. My idea of a perfect 'girls' day involves a kettlebell, a tall mountain somewhere and a stop watch. So that in and of itself limits my options. I've been working on rectifying this issue though. When Corlyn and Donna started discussing the Burbank Boot Brew in class on Friday, it seemed like the perfect opportunity for some quality girl time.

We all united at Franklin's house about 15 minutes before the start. Shannon Franklin is another Team CrossFit Academy member that has broken off to begin CrossFit Survival, although she will always be a part of us as well. Today was a fundraiser for her new facility. Donna, Corlyn and I would be running as a team. Our biggest competitors were also from our Academy... Trish, Craig and my mud run team mate, Bob.

Our race through the streets of Burbank was epic. We decided along the way which check points we should hit first and we took on challenges like sack races and cartwheeled while people threw water balloons at us. As we left our last check point we saw Trish and Craig running in. Battle! We had maybe a mile until our finish line and we gave it everything we had. Franklin was there at the finish line awaiting us. The Team CrossFit Academy 6am-ers had taken the gold!

It may have not been a traditional day at the spa or or Sex and the City style brunch, but it was better. This was my kind of day with the girls, doing what girls should do... celebrating their strengths, schooling the boys and coming out champions. It was a great day!

82 Days - Near Death Experiences, Unlikely Friendships, and The San Diego 100

2010-06-21T11:28:00.001-07:00

Reality didn't really set in at first as to what was happening to me. I gasped for air out of natural reaction even though it was physically impossible for it to access my lungs. I looked out over the view in the middle of nowhere. By the time help came, it would be too late. I started to see stars as I choaked and coughed to the best of my ability, trying to get even a small sip of air. I looked around. I guess there were worse places to die. And I had lived a happy life.

Carl, Dmitry and I headed out to the San Diego 100 on Friday morning. I was sticking to my committment of shelfing the long distance thing while still living vicariously through my friends. Dmitry was a good one for this - a first class Russian bad ass. I intended to get him across that finish line come hell or high water. More than likely, there would be both.

We arrived at the little camp grounds just in time for the race briefing that afternoon. In the altitude, it was colder than I had remembered. We entered an old log cabin looking building with a large empty space in the middle. I stood in the back of the room eyeing the crowd of 200+. The thing that always amazes me about ultras are the people that are brought together by it. There would be no reason for the group of us to all be in the same room together other than our crazy obsession. And tomorrow, district attorneys, singers, government workers, accountants, would all be equal terms. Game on.

Our check in to the hotel that night was not without it's own challenges. Carl and I were originally given a room with a sleeping person in it. After deciding that was not how we wanted to spend our evening, we then got stuck with a faulty fire alarm that beeped every 15 minutes from 3am on. They say a crappy dress rehearsal equals a great performance so I took this to mean everything was going to go well the next day.

Before I knew it, we had Dmitry fed, dressed and off for his 100 mile adventure. Erich was there too, attempting his second hundred, as well as some familiar faces. Catra and Andy had made their yearly appearance. Mieko was there attempting to finish her first 100 miler after several failed attempts, with a great crew member, Donn. I saw Katelyn, a friend of Jimmy Dean and Kate's who had finished Javelina as her first 100, but just over the time limit. There were a lot of adventures to be had today.

Carl and I went to have breakfast before meeting Dmitry at about the half marathon point. He came running in with high spirits and we loaded him up like a Nascar racer and he was on his way quickly. We cheered for Erich as he came through before leaving to chase our runner.

There was a place we could access with a beautiful overlook... not an aid station... but still a place we could cheer for our runners about a mile out from their next check point. Carl and I had a perfect view from his truck as I unloaded one of my many prepackaged meals and began to eat. We were talking, laughing, and suddenly, there was a strawberry lodged in my throat. I coughed but nothing... it was stuck. I think Carl actually sprouted wings and flew over the car to my side of the truck (at least that is what I remember). At first I kept thinking... how can I redirect this strawberry from my windpipe to my stomach so I don't have to lose the carbs I have measured out from this meal? As soon as I dropped that idea in place of spitting it out, I realized it wasn't coming out without help.

Carl hit me on the back and then started to perform the heimlich maneuver... was this really happening? Somewhere between the two, the large strawberry popped out of my windpipe. And I went back to eating.

"Really??" Carl said, his heart racing, staring at the box of food I had just dug back into.

I smiled. "Yeah, I'm still hungry. Btw, thanks for saving my life."

Before too long we saw Dmitry and were off for the next aid station. Catra and Andy had beat him in by just a few minutes and I tried to help them a little, but they are about the most self sufficient ultrarunners I've ever met. Cheers in their direction would have to serve instead. We helped Dmitry through and shortly thereafter, we saw Katelyn. I hadn't seen anyone with her yet and since she was running so closely to him, I asked her if she had crew but she said she did, so we were off to the next one.

Night time always brings challenges and as the day faded into darkness, tonight would be no exception. There were two casualties of our friends so far... Mieko and Erich who had not made the mile 51 cut off. Fortunately, our friend Masters arrived to pace Dmitry through the night. He would go as long as he could before I would jump in. We crewed Dmitry all night and as soon as the sun rose, Master's job was done and I was off for a short 11 mile run with my friend.

Running with Dmitry brought back lots of memories... pacing Donn at this same spot last year, Dmitry and my Wasatch adventure, and my old ultrarunning days. I'd be lying to say I didn't miss it. But in my head, it's so conflicting. I love CrossFit and I love being strong. My little ectomorphic body was going to just keep burning through muscle if I kept going in this sport. It wasn't a healthy thing for me. And now, I have so much energy and I'm so much stronger. But nothing will ever replace the adventures I have had on the trails. Nothing.

We ran from 80 - 91. Once Dmitry was in the single digits, I felt good letting him go off on his own. Carl and I drove to the finish line to wait there.

If you have never sat at the finish line of a 100 mile race, please do it once in your life. It is hard not to get a little emotional watching people complete a 30 hour journey where they learn more about themselves than they had probably ever learned in their lifetime. Andy and Catra passed through the finish line hand in hand. Katelyn was not far behind them. Kate and Jimmy had tag team paced her for the last 20 miles or so. Then we saw him... Dmitry's first solid West Coast ultra finish... with plenty of time to spare!

We got Dmitry showered and hit the road for LA. I sat in the back seat smiling. These are the good rides home. The ones when you FINISH the race. It can be a long car ride back when things go south. Today was not one of those days.

We will all have victories, we will all have defeats, especially as we challenge ourselves more and more. The important part is that we keep moving forward, keep ending up in rooms full of people we never would have met otherwise, keep living life.

94 Days - Reassessing Goals

2010-06-09T08:23:00.000-07:00

At my office every year we have our standard review and then 6 months into the year we have what is called a mid year evaluation. A few days into June as well as the day before my 33rd birthday seems a more than appropriate time to reassess the goals that I set back in January. So here goes...

Finish another 100 miler or 24 hour event - Negative. Not interested. In it's place, compete and place in a figure competition.

Requalify for Western States - I'm not saying a will never run Western States. That race still has a special place in my heart. But since it is a lottery system and I can qualify for it even after I have been selected, I'm shelfing this for now.

One hand stand push up - Now we're talking! Still gunning for this one!

225 lb deadlift - Even with the tailbone issues, I'm keeping this one. Obviously I will be smart about it and not try to push past what I am physically capable of, but this is an obstacle I would like to prove to myself I can overcome.

Sub 22 minute 5k - 1 minute and 18 seconds off... next attempt - July 4th!

Helen to standard - Working on my pull up almost every day. Got the swing, still can't get my hips moving properly to get over the bar though. This will happen! Since I've been working with Carl's kettlebell quite a bit, I would like to actually up this to Helen to men's standard.

Official sub 2 hour half marathon - Last attempt 2:05. I plan to make another attempt before the end of the year but it's not a priority. I also found official results from the OC 50k in 2009 showing that I passed the 20k mark at 1:46, so I know I have already accomplished this, just in a different event.

Bodyweight overhead by any means necessary - I'm up from 65 to 80 lbs on my jerk. I think I can do more if my body is well rested and I try taking to jerk from the rack. Now that my focus is on strength, This may be achievable if I work hard.

96 Days till the Tournament of Champions Figure Competition and The 2010 Camp Pendelton Mud Run AKA The Perfect Weekend!

2010-06-07T11:52:00.000-07:00

I always really enjoy my appointments with Joanne. Every time I see her I learn so much about nutrition, training and everything I need to do to reach my new goals. Saturday morning I met her at her office down in Santa Monica. It had been a month since our last meeting where she had measured my bodyfat and pictures had been taken. I was here to show her where her nutrition guidance had brought me and to find out what the next phase was going to be.

She was as excited as I was about the changes my body had made. She measured me at 16.8% bodyfat, a little different than Mel had measured me at Newport just a few days before that, but still a really great 3.1% decrease. Then the really good news... I was going to be able to move my first competition's date up.

We selected a local one, down in Culver City on September 11th. I couldn't believe how quickly this was going to happen. Loss of bodyfat for me came easily but still I needed muscle. Where I am right now, I could compete in bikini but not figure. So my calories went up and she started me on Creatine, L-Argenine and Vanadyl Sulfate along with a major focus on upper body work. I will bulk up, maybe get a little 'fluffy' as she put it so nicely, gain up to 10 lbs while decreasing 1% bodyfat per week, and the idea is to lean me out after I put on the muscle in my shoulders and back.

I left feeling very good about the next phase of this. I spent the entire afternoon playing with my calories, protein to carb ratios and packing enough food for the next two days. Then it was off to Orange County. Carl and I stayed with his parents on Saturday night so that we would be closer to the start of the Camp Pendelton Mud Run the next morning. We went to bed and I couldn't sleep. I blame it partially on the caffeine in the L-Argenine and Vanadyl Sulfate, but I had taken both of those early in the day. Other thoughts were dancing through my mind. First off, I was running in boots and utes FOR THE FIRST TIME tomorrow morning. I had tough feet but I remember ultras where I was barely able to hobble to the finish line due to massive blisters. Plus I was running with 4 other strong guys. Even though on paper I was just as strong as they were when it came to running, what happens when we add the other elements of the wardrobe choice, the obstacles? Was I in over my head?

My nerves started to calm as I saw my first team member Dave come walking up to where the rest of the CrossFitters were gathered... in front of where the awards ceremony would take place, of course. He gave me a big hug and his excitement wore off on me quickly. It wasn't too long until the rest of our crew got there, consisting of Jeff, Bob and Gustavo, and the five of us quickly pinned on our numbers and lined up towards the start line.

We played around with strategies as to how to beat the other teams, how to tow each other when needed, etc. I knew I was with the right people. We were there to have fun, but we were there to win too. Like I had told Carl earlier that day, "Winning IS fun!"

Gustavo was the fastest of the bunch, and we counted on him to weave us through the crowds in the beginning so that we would not get stuck in the back as the course went to single track and through a swamp in the early stages. He did a great job. We all stayed within 100 yards of each other, encouraging each other, towing where needed, utilizing each others strengths and modifying what we could to accomodate weaknesses. Jeff gladly lended his shoulders to me to make the wall climbs quicker and we were in and out of the obstacles quickly.

It was my goal that day not to have anyone wait for me. If I was going to be the only girl among these strong men, I needed to prove myself. My feet were screaming at me in those uncomfortable boots but it was nothing I hadn't experienced in an endurance event before. When I wanted to stop, I reminded myself of those that wear these every day. My respect for them grew more and more.

We crossed the finish line arm in arm at 1 hour and 20 minutes. What happened between the start and finish that day is hard to put into words. Although we did not win, we placed in a very respectable 2nd for mixed boots and utes team. And honestly, I wouldn't trade the people I ran with on Sunday for any first place award. We did what we needed to do out there... we gave it our all, every one of us finished with nothing left, and we scored some hardware on behalf of Team CrossFit Academy. It was a perfect day.

Carl drove us back to LA, and as we rode in a comfortable silence, I reflected on the last two days. I may not officially be an ultrarunner anymore but I am accomplishing more than I ever thought would be possible for me. I looked down at my 2nd place medal... if someone had told me the first year I had done the Camp Pendelton Mud Run that I would come back and do it with 4 men as part of a team and PLACE... I NEVER would have believed them. Not to mention the idea of doing a figure competition. Wow... 96 days!

150 Days - Memorial Day 2010

2010-06-03T13:49:00.000-07:00

It was 9am on Memorial Day and Team CrossFit Academy was full. Since there was no 6am class that day, we all excitedly reunited with people we hadn't been able to work out with in a while. Today would be tough but no one dared miss class or even really wanted to. There was a lot of honor among the people that I knew from here.

"Welcome!" Kellie said as I walked in the door. "Lots to look forward to today!"

"Oh I'm sure there is!" I smiled.

Memorial Day to us was something greater than margaritas and barbeques at the beach. Our leader, Eric, had taught us all a great respect for our soldiers, and most importantly, those that have given their lives for our freedom.

In CrossFit, we have workouts called 'Hero' WODs. They are in honor of fallen soldiers. Our work out today would be "Trevor," where teams of 4-5 take on 200 pull ups, 300 push ups, 400 sit ups, 500 squats. This workout was named for an Army Specialist named Trevor Win from Orange County. Because of his professional knowledge, Trevor was hand selected to be the Gunner on his company gun truck, delivering fuel from Turkey to his men in Iraq. On April 30, 2004, he was injured by an improvised explosive device. On May 1, 2004 he died, due to the injuries he sustained from the attack.

So needless to say, today's work out was important. Eric gave a speech before we started, reminding us why we were doing this. My group pushed through, without complaint, stepping in to help each other as needed. I was proud of my team and the hard work that everyone put in.

Later in the day I headed out to my favorite running trail, Whiting Woods. My legs were a little sore from the last few days but it felt good to push through on a mostly deserted trail running route. I ran for 40 minutes up before turning around... my favorite part! I loved running down that ridge at top speed. It felt like I was flying.

The ground and my hip met before I even knew what had happened. I layed on the ground assessing the damage, moving one bone at a time to make sure nothing was broken. Then I looked at my scratches. I was bleeding from my knees, hands, and ankle, but it wasn't too terrible. My hip hurt badly though. Next thought... get down this hill before adrenaline wears off. I ran all the way down and spent most of the rest of the day in bed, icing my black and blue grapefruit sized lump where I had hit. I had to laugh at myself a little. The reason I opted out of Mt. Wilson is that I had been sick and my sense of balance was off. I didn't want to fall. And here I was nursing my wounds two days after the Mt. Wilson Race that I had avoided for this very reason. Terrible!

Fortunately everything seems to be healing up. I purchased my boots and utes for Sunday's Mud Run today. I'm excited to race with my team and in a way, by running in our boots, I feel like we are somehow honoring those that have served our country as well. When my cuts and bruises start to hurt I will remind myself of those that have suffered through much worse than this to defend my freedom. Plus some healthy competition between the Academy teams is something I can definitely look forward to. Gold medal or bust... Bring it!!

154 Days - Committment

2010-05-30T14:49:00.000-07:00

These two pictures were taken about 6 months apart from each other. The first one in December, when I was 'somewhat' committed to my program. I ate what more people would consider healthy. Predomiately paleo with some Starbucks cheats and a few nights a week of dessert. I worked out some. After having been injured at my 100 miler, I wasn't really in a place that I was stepping outside of my comfort zone on a day to day basis.

Cut to now... I have a nutrition coach, training for my first figure competition, 6 days on, 1 day off, some two-a-day work outs. Every day is a challenge with my work outs as well as my diet. Can you see a difference?

After battling the flu for a week I opted out of the Mt. Wilson Trail Race on Saturday. It was a hard decision but I realized that right now my committment to myself had to be getting well and getting back on track with working out hard again. I couldn't take the risk. This competition has made me really start to learn and respect my body even more. Instead of constantly destroying it and tearing it down, I am searching for ways to make it stronger, to feed the muscles that I am developing, to rest it and push it hard but not so hard that I hurt it.

Carl and I attended the IFBB California State Figure Pro Show last night down in Culver City. My jaw dropped as I watched the women parade around on stage. Not just at their bodies but at their committment levels. I think part of the reason I am drawn to this sport so much is because of that exactly. You are 100% in or you aren't. There is no middle ground.

Today was my first day working out hard since I've been sick. It felt good to be back to that 100% committment level that I had driven myself to in the past few months. My mind is starting to play with the idea of entering a fitness competition again. The broken tailbone set me back a little with that but I can at least begin to stretch and get my splits and jumps back from my cheerleading days before entering into the scary world of gymnastics. I definitely have a long way to go but it's nice to know that I am on the right track.

161 Days - Team CrossFit Academy - Central Casting Edition

2010-05-23T17:29:00.000-07:00

"3...2...1 GO!" I looked on as a few of my male coworkers struggled through the work out I had given them. 4 rounds, 1 minute on, 1 minute off of burpees and push presses with the 20 lb DBs.

I'm not exactly sure how this happened. Okay, well I do have an idea. I usually try to keep my mouth shut around the office, but one day in particular, I listened on as a coworkers gave advice to Toni, another coworker trying hard to lose weight. "And never lift anything too heavy, otherwise you will bulk up." I guess my laugh was audible from my cubicle across to his because they both turned their heads and thus began a rather heated debate that I won, mostly by showing pictures to Toni of some beautiful and very strong CrossFit women... my prize was training Toni.

My little unofficial CrossFit class started with two and grew to six the following day, included the misinformed ex army coworker who was complaining now that the weights I gave him were too heavy.

"If you can talk, you aren't going hard enough," was my response to him. I had started both days with a fundamentals class, ending with a work out based on what they had learned. I didn't expect coaching to come so naturally to me, but was happy that it did. I'd listened carefully to Eric and Carl as they had conducted classes, learning how to cue athletes to help them move better, hoping one day I would have my turn. And now I did... sort of. I'd take it.

The results of my x rays came back. My tailbone is broken and has reset itself improperly, but there is no piece that they can remove with surgery. This first year will be the worst part and it might stop hurting quite as much once the break has healed completely, but more than likely I will always have some pain. Thursday was deadlifts at the Academy... something I hadn't attempted since I had broken it. I started light and built to 3x5 115 lb lifts. It wasn't much weight in comparison to what I had done prior to the injury, but I was relieved to feel minimal pain with a pulling feeling during the lifts, and it was only uncomfortable for the next 24 hours and faded after that.

The next part of class that day was a 5k row. I would venture to say that everyone can remember particular defining moments in CrossFit and that was one for me. Technically, a well rounded athlete should have a faster row time than running time for a 5k and I have yet to touch mine, proving again that I am not a well rounded athlete. But I was definitely getting stronger by focusing on the areas where I am weak. Just a few days prior to this I had done 20 legit push ups when I had never been able to do even one off my knees before. Time to test myself.

I remember looking up 5 minutes into my row and wondered how I was going to survive it. Eric would walk behind me and give me numbers that I struggled to hit. Maybe today wouldn't be my day, but it was still very important for me to give this all I had, if nothing else to identify what I needed to work on and where I should be setting my goals. The world almost went black in the last 1000 meters. My mind checked out and I focused on Eric's words to help me reach a new PR. I thought about my little CrossFit class at work and I thought about others I might be able to help in the future. I owe those people my all.

I finished at 23:33, a new row PR by almost a minute, only 16 seconds off of my running 5k PR. I'd catch it. Soon. In the meantime, it was exciting to be in a position I could help others meet their goals too. Through learning about proper nutrition, Toni has already lost 13 lbs. I think about how eager she is to learn, practicing her olympic lifts on the broomstick I brought to work and doing her push ups on the wall. My goals aren't just about me anymore. I realize by professing CrossFit, I have a responsibility to those watching. A responsibility I am happy to embrace.

166 Days - "Team" - A cooperative unit (especially in sports)

2010-05-18T10:47:00.000-07:00

There's something about being part of a team that seems to bring out the best in people. When Jeff, Dave and a few of my other 'team members' from TCA put out a notice that they were looking for another mud runner, I couldn't resist. I'd done this race before on my own. It takes place in Camp Pendleton. The course is only a 10k, but there is thick, slippery mud, climbing walls, a lake among other obstacles to overcome during the race. Plus they wanted to make things a little more interesting by running in boots and utes. On June 6th we will be taking on that adventure!

Yesterday was a 'cardio' day. I hate that term. I trusted Joanne and her training methods but conversational just wasn't working for me anymore. Tempo would work, right? 80%? If it's calories she wanted me to burn, I'd burn more that way anyway. I kicked it up a notch, imagining myself running along side 4 of my CrossFit friends, leaping over obstacles, covered in mud. This was more like it. And oddly enough, I felt better pushing the pace than I did mimicking a large percentage of American women... jogging at a walking pace for an hour, eating cake and ice cream and wondering why they weren't losing weight. Maybe that's why the idea of 'cardio' bothered me so much.

This morning I headed back to the Academy for my 6th day in a row of working out. By the time I left class, I knew a rest day was needed. I was nervous that my body would not be able to handle the amount of weighted squats that we were doing, but I pushed through each one with minimal tailbone pain. I breathed a sigh of relief. Maybe what I felt last week was it just being aggravated more because I hadn't done this type of heavy lifting in a while. If this was as bad as the pain would get, I could handle it.

Today I should have more information about my x-rays... if surgery is an option or if it's not. But I feel optimistic. I'm happy that my body is getting stronger. It is making significant changes and I'm actually starting to really enjoy the olympic lifting side of my training.

Eric decided to try to scare us all away from Thursday's class with prowler pushes this morning. Is it weird that I kind of enjoyed them? Rest day tomorrow, C ya on Thursday, coach! :)

171 Days - Bent, but not broken

2010-05-12T09:40:00.000-07:00

"How do you NOT know that you broke your tailbone?"

It was a valid question. It's not like I didn't know something was wrong... but look at my past times... I'm an ultrarunner, I thrive on high intensity training and hate cardio. I lived for years of my life with a very uncomfortably autoimmune disease that effected my joints. So yes, for me, it was possibly to break a bone without realizing it.

I finally opted to visit the doctor yesterday with the prodding of my 'voice of reason' (yes, again, that would be Carl). I was convinced I had just bruised the bone after my unintentional gymnastic act on the pull up bar back in January. But after clean and jerks and thrusters in class, I was having trouble siting comfortably at the office. It was time, if nothing else, just to set my mind at ease.

"Yes, you definitely broke it," my doctor said. My heart dropped.

"What does that mean for me?"

"Not much," he said. "There isn't much we can do for you. By now it has run it's course and has healed in the wrong place, which is why you are experiencing pain. There is a possibility that you have a piece hanging off inside which can be removed, but it would be considered elective surgery."

What the doctor went on to tell me was that it was ok to do anything I wanted to do, Olympic weightlifting or otherwise, to tolerance. I wasn't going to make it worse. However my ability to manage that type of pain would get worse as I aged and eventually I would develop osteoarthritis in that bone. Let me go back to this 'elective surgery' idea and my distaste to that. So basically what that means is that if I got into so much pain as I got older that I could no longer work out like I do, and if I were to gain lots of weight and stop taking care of myself, and if... lets just say if... I had a heart attack due to my lack of care for my body, my insurance would cover that. But my insurance won't cover the preventative measures for this. It's 'elective?' A boob job is elective, not my health! And to put this in perspective... I have not been sick in over 4 years! The only thing I have cost my insurance was a couple of check ups from the doctor when I had a minor injury or two.

X rays later this week should reveal more. But I'm frustrated. I feel like I went to so much effort to change my diet to get out of pain and now I'm being told I'm going to be in pain for the rest of my life again. On a more positive note, sometimes I think that I have to go through these type of things so I can help others who face the same scenarios. I'm not going to stop lifting, I just need to find my loophole... I did with the auto immune disease... there are always answers for those willing to search for them.

I look back over the last few months and think about everything I did with a broken tailbone. I feel like much less of a wuss for backing off from the 50k to the 25k at Montana de Oro because 'my butt hurt." And to be honest, part of the reason I lost my spark for ultrarunning was because of the pain I was in. Time to search for answers...

173 Days - "The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each other's life."

2010-05-10T09:49:00.000-07:00

"I've often said that if Eric and Vanessa started their own cult, we would follow them anywhere."

"IF?" A fellow Academy member responded from the back of a large group of us gathering by the fence. "Look around."

It was true. The field was covered in TCA red as we excitedly waited for our team to compete in the Southwest CrossFit Regionals. There were officially 263 regional affiliates. 84 registered to compete. We were in 32nd place going into day 2.

I had started my weekend on Saturday morning with yet another 5k. Carl had warned me that due to the amount of cardio I was now demanding of my body, my finish time could begin to increase. It brought me back to a question I used to ask my fellow ultrarunners just to make conversation on the long runs. "Would you rather be a great athlete or physically look like one?" How ironic that I may have to make that choice. At the start line I saw Karen, a girl that I had met a week before at the Run for Rescue. She'd done this course before and said it was faily comparable to last weekend's run, but less of a hard incline. 1.5 miles up, 1.5 miles down. So basically, not a good day to shoot for a PR and by the looks of the crowd that was running, probably not the best day to try to place either. This was a big event. Time to enjoy the day and see where it took me.

I felt the extra mileage I had been putting on my legs as I started the race. I was tired but not too tired to pass the 1 mile mark at about 7:30. This one seemed to go by fast as well. Towards the end I got a few girls in my sites and aimed to pass them. I passed two right at the finish line and finished in 23:58. I wasn't unhappy with that for the type of course that I was on. The results were listed in a way that I could only see if I had won an award, not how I placed. Unfortunately no hardware to bring home this time, but I did feel like I was learning how to pace myself better for these events. Maybe I would be the exception. Maybe I could train for both the figure competition and keep increasing my 5k speed.

The rest of the day brought with it rest and relaxation with Carl as we watched the live webcast of the Southwest Regionals. We watched my friend Amanda compete admirably against her strong competitors. We saw Vanessa competing with the Team CrossFit Academy affiliate team. I wanted to be down there cheering. But that would have to wait for tomorrow.

At 6am on Sunday, I got up, feeling a lot of energy. Today was the day. I was excited to be a part of an adventure that I was unable to compete in myself. I admired these strong athletes for all that they could do. Not only could most of them have schooled me in my 5k the day before but all of them could leave me in the dust in all other aspects of CrossFit.

There was something very humbling about standing there in that big open field, cheering for my team. To watch our fire breathers go head to head with others and actually have to compete. I'd worked out in class with Brian many times before and it always felt like he was done with the workouts hours ahead of the rest of us. I'd watched Saskya snatch a 65 lb bar over her head repeatedly at our weightlifting clinic, as if it was a PVC pipe. She'd loaded the 45 lb bar to 'make it feel like it had weight on it' which happend to be 10 lbs above my max!

No words can describe the pride I had in my heart watching them cross the finish line, carrying a log and flipping a large tire. They placed 2nd in their heat and 30th overall. 30th out of 263 facilities. They had the courage to show up and perform to the best of their abilities. The sea of red surrounding me made me realize I was finally part of something greater than myself. How did I ever accomplish my own goals without them?

After they competed, it was down to another field to watch the women. Amanda was up next. The WOD was suited for her and it was evident. It consisted of a 1000 meter row, 30 overhead squats at 85 lbs and a 400 meter run. She was the first one off the rowers and we cheered loudly as she struggled through the squats with the heart of a fighter. On the run, she was able to make up time. After all three of her events were tallied, she had placed 12th overall out of 54 women.

As I stood there yesterday, taking in the day, I looked over our Academy members and had to wonder... how dangerous would we all be without CrossFit? This community is so passionate, so "all out" in everything they do. Thank God that Eric and Vanessa gave us an outlet, otherwise all of us were bound to be in jail or dead. Yes, I joke about us being a 'cult' but the truth is we are a family, a stronger family than many people will ever know by blood.

"You ready sweetie?" I nodded as Carl took my hand and we started to make our exit. It would take a little while to weave our way through the crowds as Carl was stopped like a celebrity in each cluster of people we passed. I smiled as I looked back over the red shirts, laughing and saying their goodbyes as we headed back to the car. That was my family. I had finally found my home.

177 Days - Mild Doses of LSD

2010-05-06T10:33:00.000-07:00

"And what do your cardio work outs consist of?"

"Well," I answered, as I sat in Joanne's office for my second session with her. "I raced a 5k for time on Saturday. And sometimes I will do something like 5 rounds of 25 kettlebell swings, 15 squats, 10 push ups..."

"I mean, what workouts do you do that you aren't at 100%? Like where you could still talk while you are doing them?"

My mind went back to Tuesday at the Academy and Coach LeClair's words during our 5k row "If you people are talking, you aren't going hard enough!!"

"I don't understand..."

It's an interesting place to be, between two coaches that are performance driven and one that doesn't care what my performance is like, rather what I look like. Starting now, I would have to revert back to something I haven't done in a long time... long slow distance, 60-90 minute sessions, 3 times a week. I woke up this morning with a right shoulder that was mildly pissed off with me for what I had put it through the last few days. I checked the Academy blog before Carl left. "I can do back squats, right?" Then the voice of reason, namely Carl, spoke. "I wouldn't. Give it a day to heal." Great... my scheduled 4th day back at the Academy and I was already having to take a day off. But I laced on my running shoes and actually looked forward to 60 minutes of some quality alone time. It wasn't my preferred method of training,
but LSD (long slow distance) was certainly a large piece of my past. Joanne had coached many girls like me to successfully compete in figure competitions for a long time. Who was I to argue? And it was already working...

In just a little over a week, my body has already started to lean out from the eating plan she had put me on. My upper abs are coming in and I've lost 2 lbs. At 118, I'm at a perfect competition weight, there just needs to be some loss of fat and some muscle gain in my upper body. I measured out at 19.9% body fat, pretty average for a leaner gal, but over where I need to be to compete. I learned that the two places that my body stores fat are in my stomach and my triceps, oddly enough. It was nice to have her measure my stomach and tell me that it actually wasn't that bad. Currently, it is at 11.7%, and I need it to be under 10% to be competition ready. She said that with both the way my body has responded to this as well as my own committment, October 30th gives us more than enough time to get ready.

I think in the end, I will always be a performance based athlete. I know I will ever be one of those people that lifts weights just to look good. And that is part of the reason I've been looking into gymnastics classes as well, to make the jump from figure to fitness when the time comes. But regardless, it's exciting to think that in less than 6 months, my body will be in a place I've dreamed of having it for years.

This weekend brings quality time with Carl and some fun adventures... racing another 5k on Saturday and going out to support my friends at the CrossFit Regionals on Sunday. I can't wait to see our team compete and represent our community honorably!

182 Days - The Run for Rescue 5k

2010-05-01T20:55:00.000-07:00

This was a big day for me. It was my first day in one of my new sports. Yes I had done many 5ks in the past but all of it was just part of training. Today I was racing. This one in particular was to raise money for the San Bernadino Search and Rescue team. I couldn't have chosen a better event to start with.

The girl that had won this race last year had finished in 25:01 and I intended to beat that time. I had joked with Kellie on Thursday "Watch us turn a corner and go straight up hill in the first mile." Well, that is exactly what we did! I planted myself about 1/3 of the way back from the front and waited for people to burn themselves out before I started to pass. It was my kind of course... a long slow uphill that lasted at least a mile or so which made it easy for me to work my way up the pack. The race seemed to go by quickly. I looked down at my watch and it appeared that despite the hills, I may reach my original goal. I turned off my Ipod just in time to hear "And here comes our 3rd place female..." My official finish time was 24:11. A few high school sprinters foiled my plans of my first big 5k win, but I'd definitely take third place, and a division win which landed me a very cool award... a compass with a 5k charm from the Search and Rescue team themselves.

Walking into the Academy tonight couldn't have felt more comfortable than if I was in my own living room. There was a small group of us, maybe 25 or so, that had gathered to watch a documentary on the Leadville 100 Bike Race. Which created the perfect environment for me to revisit some feelings that movie stirred... my own 100 mile treck. I realized tonight that in my heart I will always be an ultrarunner. Those experiences shaped me into who I am. I can't even describe the feeling of crossing the finish line of Javelina two years ago. Over the past 4 years I've seen places so far off the beaten path that most people will never see. But I will say that a 3rd place finish in a 5k is something I never thought I would accomplish in my lifetime, even in a smaller event. Which is why it is so exciting for me to see how far I can take this very different sport.

So I keep moving forward. I keep taking those experiences from the ultrarunner within and using them to become stronger in every way. Because there will be a day, maybe not too far from now, that I round the corner towards a finish line and the announcer shouts "And here comes our first place female!"

184 Days - Return to Team CrossFit Academy

2010-04-29T13:05:00.000-07:00

I woke up this morning with a ridiculous amount of energy. I'm not sure exactly what came over me. I do have to give some credit to the new diet I have in place but I think in large, I was excited and a little bit nervous about heading back to the Academy. I didn't really know what my coach would think about my newest endeavor. Eric has always been very much a proponent of performance rather than how someone's body looks. That was part of the reason that I was drawn to the Academy in the first place. He coached motivated people who didn't JUST want to look good in a bikini over the summer and do a minimal amount of work to get there. How was I going to tell him that looking good in a bikini WAS my new sport?

I was relieved to find out he was just as excited about it as I was. And that was essential. There was no way I could do this without him, nor would I want to. With the team I had just built behind me... Eric, Joanne and Carl, how could I fail?

I looked at our options for today's work out... I could do snatches and overhead squats or I could do 20x100 meter sprints. "I know which one Summer's doing!" one of my fellow Academy members shouted, quickly followed by a puzzled look when I signed up under the first one. I would give anything to sprint today... nothing about snatching to me was comfortable or easy. Which is why I needed to do it.

I failed... a lot. I succeeded only small handful of times getting my 55 lb bar overhead and quasi-stable and it was ugly when I did. But it was exciting at the same time. I remembered back to when I did my first 3 mile run, threw up, came directly home and signed up for the LA Marathon. As I trained, every change in my ability was exciting. Everytime I did a long run I would go a little farther than I ever had before and ride that high for days. And I now had a chance to relive that in a very different way.

This will be a huge test of character for me. Fortunately, I do still have running. On Saturday, I race a local 5k, following it up with Movie Night at the Academy with my friends. Next weekend I will excitedly watch and support them pursue their goals at the CrossFit Games Regional Qualifiers. It's good to be back.

185 Days Till The NPC Border States Classic

2010-04-28T14:23:00.000-07:00

It was Tuesday afternoon and I was fidgeting nervously, looking through OK and People magazine, trying not to second guess my decision. What was I doing? I was a runner by heart, but for some reason, I was here in this office, waiting for my nutrition consultation to do my first figure competition. Was I really going to do this? Lean out, muscle up, parade around on stage in a bikini and be compared with a fine tooth comb to all the other beautiful women up there with me? Wasn't that most women's worst nightmare?

For me, it was something I always wanted to do. I don't exactly know why. I've always migrated towards Oxygen magazine in the bookstore, thinking those cover models were so much prettier than the ones on Cosmo or Vogue. I admired the work that they put into their bodies. I wanted to be one of those people too but had no idea how to do it.

"Are you Summer?" I heard someone call. I looked up to see a very fit, muscular woman approaching me. I recognized her from pictures. It was Joanne Lee.

Joanne was a bodybuilder and nutritionist who had been to the Olympia 10 years ago. She had coached many women like me in their first figure competitions. I was nervous about my physical assessment. Would she shun CrossFit and the Paleo way? Would my body type be the right one to convert into a beautiful, fit figure competitor?

She was curious about me... an ultrarunner that wanted to do a fitness competition? I was surprised to see how much she embraced what I was already doing and helped me work out a plan based on that. We spent most of the time talking about nutrition and what I was doing wrong. I was eating such quality foods... why wasn't I leaning out? It didn't make any sense. What I learned about was a process the body goes through called glycogenesis when too much protein is in the diet and not enough fat. Your body will take amino acids from your muscles and convert them to glucose. That's like taking water and turning it into wine! It was such a revelation for me. How could high protein and low carb be bad? And I wasn't exactly not eating carbs, I was downing two large veggie shakes a day. It just wasn't enough.

I'm slowly incorporating SOME non Paleo items into my diet just to test the water. Today it was oatmeal and I may add brown rice as well. She was open to what I was doing and I need to be open to her ideas too.

This is going to be an exciting adventure for me. And in the meantime, I'm not abandoning running, I'm going to work on becoming a true racer in an event that suits my skills... the 5k. Joanne also thinks it's very realistic for me to achieve a body through nutrition that can be leaned down 8 weeks out of a figure competiton and also be functional for ultras if I decide to go back that direction. For now I am happy putting my focus towards this as well as the shorter running events.

Back to CrossFit I go... man I've missed training with my friends! Don't get me wrong, Carl has found about 1600 different things for me to do with a kettlebell, some dumbells, a jump rope and a pull up bar, but I need the challenge and support of working out with others again. Work is settling down, new goals are in place. Life is good!

Leona Divide 2010

2010-04-18T18:13:00.000-07:00

The night before Leona Divide, I went back and forth from sleep to awareness. My mind drifted back to the finish line of Javelina, sitting with Carl underneath a sleeping bag warming up by a fire pit, Amanda by my side. "So Amanda," I said. "This make you want to run out and do a 100 miler?"

"No," she answered, "Definitely not. I would never want to hurt my body that much." It was a comment that had been going through my head for a long time.

I lined up to the start line only a few minutes before the 6am start and something was missing. It was my enthusiasm. Sure, it was great to see my friends again but for some reason, I just didn't want to be there that day. I thought things might change once we took off. I would give this race my all out effort, as always, and reassess my plans for the rest of the year after I finished this. I took off at a good pace and stayed around runners who I knew had finish times similar to mine. I didn't take off too fast. I knew the course would be harder this year but didn't exactly know what to expect and wanted to save my energy. The first 15 miles came and went quickly and everything felt great, but I still felt like it was more of a burden to be out there than the wonderful adventure that I used to see these races as. The day began to heat up as we climbed into a little bit of altitude. Suddenly, my stomach started to feel off. I had hydrated, fuelled and watched my salt intake like a hawk, doing nothing differently than I usually did. But for some reason, my body was rejecting it all. I started throwing up on the side of the trail. "Keep walking," I told myself. Often these things pass. Desperate to refuel, I drank more Vitargo, slowly but frequently, and threw that up too.

At mile 16, I sat down at Ted Liao's an aid station to regroup. Several other people were dropping there due to similar stomach issues. It seemed to be a running theme for the day. I had three options: Drop, turn around there for a 50k finish, or continue on the 50 mile course. My fear was that a few miles into doing the 50k option, I would suddenly feel better and regret my decision. Just as I started to contemplate it, my old friend Mark came through the aid station. He is the epitome of 'Slow and steady wins the race." He asked me how I was feeling and I told him about my issues and then asked him if I could tag along. We stayed together for about 12 more miles until I slowed down. I couldn't seem to get my fuelling back on track and was cramping and just overall depleated. I made the mile 29 cut off and was picked up by a car about 2 more miles down the road. Game over.

When we got back to the start/finish I got into Donn's car, put my head in my hands and cried. I felt lost, like I had just gone through a horrible break up, my decision, the right decision, but still at a complete loss as to where to go from here. I had fallen out of love with ultrarunning. Maybe we just need a 'break' in our relationship. I just realized how much I hate to struggle for hours, pushing to be in the back IF I finish at all in these events, undoing all my strength training and not being able to get that back for weeks. It's a cycle that keeps going on... I will work to better my 5k, go run an ultra, set myself back, go to try to do it again and not have the same results, build it back up to where it was, then run an ultra and set myself back again. And in truth, I'm enjoying the 5k to half marathon distance training more than I'm enjoying the thing that I'm training for, the ultra itself. By dialing in my nutrition I finally realized how much damage I'm actually doing to my body every time I run one of these things. My body isn't eating away at fat, it's eating my muscle and my bones. Do I really want to continue to hurt myself this badly?

It's time for me to step outside of my comfort zone. I will never get stronger if I don't make it a priority in my life. I will never shave another 18 seconds off my 5k if I don't put the importance on 5ks for a while. And honestly, that is where my heart is right now. Assuming that I do go back to ultras one day, I will have such a stronger base to build upon if I allow the CFE program do what it was designed to do... take a relatively strong CrossFit athlete and add CFE work outs to build upon that, rather than the other way around, which I have been doing.

I'm definitely sad about the outcome of Leona but happy for the realization and the push to move forward towards a new challenge. And I certainly won't be absent from the ultrarunning community. I will be the best crew member Dmitry has ever had at San Diego. There are some other goals in the back of my mind too... things I couldn't do when I was an ultrarunner but things I may not be ready to discuss yet here. But soon!

59 Days - In Order To Succeed... You Must Fail, OFTEN!

2010-04-13T14:15:00.000-07:00

"And women should never lift more than 3 lbs over their heads." I burst out laughing as Carl and I sat on the couch on Sunday morning, watching Gwyneth Paltrow's training video. I didn't know whether to be pissed or entertained. I chose the latter of the two.

As I curled up in a blanket and grabbed my Oxygen magazine, an article caught my attention. "In Order To Succeed... You Must Fail, OFTEN!" Now that seemed more like it. I look at the photo above and I see someone who that day failed. My 5k time was about 30 seconds off of my PR. But I see someone who pushed to her limits and failed so that she can succeed. I see someone strong, whose body has learned how to store muscle and not eat away at it. I trust that person to get me to the finish line on Saturday.

Sunday's work out wasn't easy. As my ultrarunning friends enjoyed a beautiful 17 mile run from Encino to Venice, I partook in 8x200 meters, followed by 2x800 meters. There was nothing about it that was social or fun. It was just uncomfortable. But as I finished my run, Carl was waiting for me, coaching me through the whole thing. "You're ready," he said. "Now this all comes down to how badly you want this."

Carl has done an amazing job helping me program my workouts. I'm ready for this. I failed numerous times last year and I learned a lot. I failed often! Now it's time to succeed.

63 Days - Life Influences

2010-04-09T13:23:00.000-07:00

It was the day before Easter and lined up towards the front of the pack at the Derby Day 5k, with red shirts all around me. As I situated my headphones and shook out my legs, I noticed a young girl with a Team CrossFit Academy t-shirt on standing next to me. "Excuse me," she said, "Have you seen Eric?"

"Not yet," I smiled. "But don't you worry... he will be right up here with us in a few minutes." We started talking. Her name was Chloe and she was in 8th grade. She had run her first 5k a year ago at this very race. Her excitement to race boosted my energy level too. Before too long, Eric came and situated himself between us. I watched her eyes light up as her hero stood beside her on such an important race day in her life. Influence #1 in her athletic career.

I've had 3 major influences in my life that I can pinpoint. Their entrance into my world changed my life dramatically. The first one was Dean Karnazes. For one reason or another, I was lucky enough to have him take an interest in me and my running life. From reading his book to pacing him up Whitney Portal Road at Badwater, he taught me how to love the sport of ultrarunning.

The 2nd was my friend, The Moose, owner of the running store Phidippides. After deciding naively that I wanted to go run my first 100 mile race, he believed in me, and told me stories of things I had to look forward to. When the Moose got sick, I ran for him, with three little stuffed Mooses that I attached to my camelpak. I'd take pictures of them along the trails for him to see so he could still be a part of the races in some way. When the Moose died, I felt his presence still with me, pushing me through my first 100 miler.

The 3rd person was my friend, standing there next to me at the start line of the Derby Day 5k. In my first 2 years of ultrarunning, I had noticed him and his fiance heading up one of my favorite aid stations along the Mt. Disappointment 50 mile course. I curiously eyed the Team CrossFit Academy Hummer and red shirts that all of them seemed to wear and how fit and pretty the girl that was always with him was. These were people that clearly believed that strong women were beautiful and I wanted to be one of them. He was the first person that believed I could be something other than a back of the pack runner.

Although we are not allowed to have pacers at Leona Divide, all three of those people will be pacing me next Saturday. I will hear Dean's voice reminding me "Run if you can, walk if you have to, crawl if you must, but never give up." I will hear the Moose's voice as we summit our highest climb in the race with a view of the poppy fields in the distance saying "This is great. This is just great." And I will hear Eric's voice, in those moments I wonder if I can make it to the finish line and want to stop and walk saying "Not with that attitude you won't. Come on, Racer."

There have been many people that have come into my life and changed it for the good. But I can honestly say I am who I am today and where I am today because of those three people. This one's for you, Dean, Moose and Eric!

75 Days - The Chesebro Half Marathon

2010-03-28T09:22:00.000-07:00

It's an easy translation for many athlete's minds... more training means better results. If you are training for a 50 mile race, for example, clearly you need to go run 50 miles to ensure that race day will be successful. Even seeing the many great race results following programs with much lower mileage, it's hard not to let your mind revert back to this. It works... clearly it does. Most athlete's do it. But even lining up to the start line of a half marathon on Saturday, my mind was all over the place. I could run 13 miles with no problems, but how well was an entirely different story. For two weeks my training has been on my own, and even though between Carl and I, we'd crafted some doozies, I couldn't remember a training run or work out that had lasted more than about 30 minutes. Most would say I wasn't ready to do anything great out there.

It was a perfect running day. My mind was off the idea of a PR since the race was mostly on trails I'd try out my Vitargo again, play with my pace, and just enjoy being out there. The race started in a neighborhood, straight downhill. I took things slow, aiming for about a 9 minute mile on the streets. I passed three miles at 27 minutes. Perfect. As we hit the trails, I saw people start to back off the pace and I moved up. 6 miles, 55 minutes... exactly where I needed to be. Inevitably, I slowed down a bit as I hit the hard climbs, but was still making my way up the pack. It started to get hot and as I switched from the hard ups to hard downs, my calves tightened up as if they would cramp... more salt, note to self.

Going up a hill on a single track, I was stopped for a minute by a girl who had stopped to walk. I looked for a way to pass her as another man came barrelling through, pushing me to the side. I followed him. As he continued to run, I picked up my walking pace to pass the girl in front of me, in a sportsman-like way, and nudged him to the side as I passed his run with my hike. It fired me up to get me running fast as soon as I we made it to the top of the hill. I never saw him again.

As we came off the trails, one of the guys at the aid station told me I was at 11 miles. I looked at my watch and I had been running for 1:44... hmmm.... sub two hours? I picked up the pace and started pushing, hard. At 1:48, I saw the 11 mile mark. Okay, no longer realistic to go sub two hours, but a PR was definitely doable. There was a fit girl, running strong with a triathlon jersey on that I set my sights on about a tenth of a mile down the road. I caught and passed her right before the finish line. I ran two 8:30 miles coming in and PRed my half marathon by 4 minues at 2:05. And I felt great! I didn't feel a moment of bonk throughout the entire race, other than some cramping issues that could have easily been avoided with some sodium and enjoyed every moment of my run to the finish line. Carl was waiting for me there. I'm nervous about Leona Divide, because of so much that happened last year beyond my control. But my training is in place now and I trust that.

83 Days - Priorities

2010-03-21T16:06:00.000-07:00

If you are an athlete of any kind, one of the comments that you will hear from others quite often is "I think it is great what you do, I would just never have the time to put in to something like that..." When I hear that type of thing, my response is generally "Well, we all have different priorities."

The truth is that if something is important enough to us, we will make the time for it, no matter what it is. For some people, that priority lies in spending time with family, winding down with some nights of weekend partying as soon as the long week is over, or even just watching 2 hours of TV before bed every night. There is nothing wrong with any of this.

Ultrarunning is a huge priority in my life and I will always make time for it. That doesn't mean that isn't difficult at times. The job I currently work is notoriously challenging around this time of year, what the industry refers to as 'pilot season.' The hours of day that I work is always over 8, sometimes up to 12, 14+. There are easily days where I am at work before the first class is offered at the Academy and there until the last class is over at night. But it is during these challenging work days that I think about my next big race, Leona Divide, away from my cell phone and the stresses of work, and I make time to train. There's a reason that I spent the time and money for my own coaching certifications so training on my own at sometimes odd hours is always a possibility. Carl and I are also investing in our own barbell set so that I will be able to follow along at home on days that I can't necessarily be present to train with my coaches at Team CrossFit Academy.

The truth is that we all have obstacles that stand in the way of what we want to achieve. We can accept that obstacle and stand there waiting it to move or we can figure out a way to move it or go around it on our own. The change in the weather, switching from heat to fans in my apartment, has me waking up, facing my days with a happy heart. I know this time is temporary and that there will be many days very soon that I will be training under Eric and Vanessa with my friends like Kellie, Donna and Corlyn again soon, getting ready to take on a challenge I won't be able to tackle without them.

97 Days - The Malibu Creek 50k

2010-03-07T19:08:00.000-08:00

"Take my hand, you are going to be ok!!" I heard someone shout as I put one foot deep into the river, 3 miles into the Malibu 50k. I watched in horror as a woman started to wash down stream. The water was raging due to the heavy rain the day before. I saw one woman grab a rock as she reached her other hand to the stranded woman.

"Can I help?" I asked as I approached them, waist deep in water.

"I think we are ok," the woman holding the rock said as she pulled her friend to safety. "But thank you!"

At that moment I was reminded once again why I loved these races. Nothing like this would ever happen during a 5k!

Today was important, I knew that. After struggling with an injury, the proper shoes and nutrition, I needed to nail this one on the head. If I didn't finish this race, I was not going to line up at the start line of a 50 miler. And without my 50 mile finish, there was no way I'd go set myself up for failure at a 100 mile race. I had to finish this, and finish well. Other than breaking my previous Bulldog 50k time (this same course, only backwards, the 'easier' way) today's only other goal was to monitor my nutrition. A PR 50k wasn't really an option on this course... to pull that off would mean that not only would I have won the race, I would have gone 15 minutes faster than the previos winner. Yeah... I'd save that for another day and a flatter course! I plugged in my Ipod at the start, planning to lose myself in my own head. I hit play twice before I realized the battery was dead. I shrugged, Time to make friends!

I met and ran with several people along the first big climb, lasting pretty much all of the first 9 miles of the course. I heard some new trail runners shouting curse words at the mountains with every step. At the aid station, I met a girl named Julie. She was doing the 25k, but the 50k just repeated hat course twice, so we had the same area to cover, at least for about the next 6.5 miles. She wore a 'Navy Wife' shirt and had just missed a call from her husband who was serving in Iraq. She was new to the ultra scene and was training for a race I had done a few years ago so we had a lot to talk about.

My 2nd lap partner was a guy by the name of Adam. I could tell by the way he was running (slightly broken at the waist to accomodate a back pack) he was a military guy. Boy am I Carl's girl or what? LOL

We were both tired but good conversation pushed us up the mountain. He was in fact in the military and his good friend, a Marine as well, had tied for first place in the famous Vermont Death Race. His stories made me forget the discomfort in my legs from the hill climb. Pretty soon we hooked up with another girl and we trudged on together to the mile 23 aid station. After that, Adam took off ahead and the girl bonked a little so we went our seperate ways.

Other than getting off course for a little while. the last 6 miles flew by. I felt really good, no cramping, no bonking, and even at the very end of the race, I was still running! This told me that the issues I have had recently has nothing to do with my training and everything to do with my nutrition. Even after getting a little lost, the muddy and wet conditions, the rocky terrain, I ran through the finish line at 7:48, over 10 minutes faster than my Bulldog 50k time. Certainly not a stellar time, but the days to push for those will certainly come. I did what I set out to do today and I am happy with the results.

My master plan today had to do with Genr8 Vitargo, a scoop mixed with coconut water and water and I drank that through the whole race. I Vitago-loaded 2 days prior with 2.5 scoops each day mixed with either my veggie shakes or the same coconut water and water blend. They say that fat burns in a fire of carbohydrates. I realize now I wasn't allowing my body to have that fire, so the fat had no way of burning.

This week will be about active recovery and nutrition. I plan to hit the following week hard in preparation for the Leona Divide 50 miler. I feel grateful to be in good health and coming back strong. I know I have a long journey ahead but I am excited to see where this year takes me!

104 Days - The Firecracker 10k

2010-02-28T14:37:00.000-08:00

"Corlyn, you are going to make it!" I yelled excitedly. I looked at my watch, two minutes till we were an hour into the race. "I'm going to help you, ok?"

She nodded as we ran together, less than 500 meters from the finish line of the Firecracker 10k. The clock ticked... and only a minute out before the clock struck 1:00, Corlyn crossed the finish line. She had truly given it everything she had. I smiled. These are the people that I am proud to know. And as I would jump in to help them in their times of need, they would do the same for me.

Carl and I arrived at the start line early, enjoying the sights and sounds of Chinatown. Last week, I cheered for him at his bike race and today it was his turn to play support crew. This was truly one of the largest 10ks I had ever seen. There had been 167 women in my age group alone last year, so expectations were off. Unless I sprouted wings, I wasn't coming home with a medal. Today was about enjoying the day, working on my pacing, and negative splitting the course.

I saw my friend Bob "The Yak", one of my old ultrarunning buddies as I chose my position among the runners that were lining up. We exchanged a hug before I met up with a few CrossFitters, including Corlyn. I asked her what time she was shooting for. "I went 1:06 last year, so it would be great to go under an hour but we'll see."

"You will do it!" I smiled. Before I knew it, the gun was off and so were we. Less than half a mile into the race, I saw someone take a header and roll forward. Maybe I should stop to see if he is ok? But he got up and started running again, just as if he hadn't done it. It didn't take me long to realize it was Bob!

"Good thing you aren't an ultrarunner or anything, Twinkle Toes!" I smiled as I passed him. "Seriously, are you ok?"

He said he was and laughed at his very Summer-like fall, talking about what a great story it would make in the future. And we were on our seperate ways.

I was very conscious of my pacing. Even if it meant being the last person across the finish line today, it was important to do what I set out to do. I started very slow and began increasing my speed just slightly with every mile that I hit. I tried not to pay attention to anyone's pace but my own. I ran up the same hill that started out the 5k that I ran at the LA Police Department, which gave me my first division win. It was a nice memory. As I ran past a turnaround, there came Froggie, maybe half a mile back. We exchanges smiles, waves, then looks of pretend rivalry. What a treat to have my CrossFitters and ultrarunners all in the same place.

In the midst of it all, I got my fun back. I wasn't pushing to hit certain goals that would ruin my day if I didn't hit. I just loved being there. I finished the challenging, hilly 10k in 54:10, which was actually almost 5 minute PR since I haven't run a 10k in probably about 4 or 5 years. There was Carl waiting at the finish line.

"Carl, I need to help Corlyn. Can you wait here for me?" He smiled and said he would. I didn't have to go back very far before I spotted her and sighed a breath of relief. She was about to achieve her goal.

Once we had all finished we gathered around sharing stories of our personal wins. Trish and Hope had of course left us all in the dust. We all excitedly congratulated Corlyn on her minute per mile PR. It was a great day for a run!

111 Days - Race Nutrition, AKA What I've Been Doing Wrong

2010-02-21T07:38:00.000-08:00

Before I started eating Paleo, I never really had to think about my race nutrition. I already had too much salt in my diet so running low on that during an event rarely happened. I munched on Oreo cookies at aid stations and my body was able to easily process these (since I didn't avoid sugar on a regular basis), converting it to glycogen that helped me keep going. My stomach could process virtually any sports drink available and in a worse case scenario, there was always that extra fat around my stomach that my body could rely on as a back up.

I made the mistake of thinking that switching my diet to Paleo was the be all end all of my sports nutrition. And I was very wrong. I didn't understand why I kept bonking 2 hours in, even though I had completed 30 hour events before without this happening. It wasn't until I started questioning some of my ultra friends with a good educated opinion on this as well as beginning the book The Paleo Diet for Athletes.

The biggest problem with my diet was the lack of sugar/carbs during races and not paying attention to the fact that the carbs in a vegetable shake were not even close to the amount of carbs in cookies, bread, or anything else I used to take down at aid stations. Nutrition for races has come along was in the last few years. We all started out with the traditional 'carbo-load' meal the night before the race, filling our stomachs with bread, pasta, etc, thinking that was the key to our success. In reality, it just left a lot of us rushing to the porta potties at mile 10. Before too long, a few runners opted out of this program, leaning more towards a regular well balanced meal and that worked for some... but what is now being discovered is the importance of carboydrates as race fuel, filling our liver and muscles with glycogen and keeping us from having the traditional 'bonk.' For a long time, lactic acid was given the bad reputation and blamed for this, but we are starting to wise up and understand the true reason for the death march that has happened to so many of us at the end of a race we have trained so hard for.

So how does someone with a truly Paleo diet get the carbohydrates they need? Clearly our bodies don't process refined sugar like a normal human being. Right now, I have a few experiments going for me. My body is extremely sensitive to any sugar. Yesterday, before my workout, I induldged in some dry fruit. But before too long, my head was spinning and I felt nauseous. What I learned was that had I done this within a 10 minute window of my workout, rather than eating, then waiting, my body would not have had time to do anything with that extra sugar other than use it for fuel. I'm also now trying something called Vitargo, a sugar free carb that is equivalent to the same carbo load that many of the other suppliments provide using maltodextrin and sugar. Yes, this is a derivitive of starches such as corn, wheat, barley... all the things that someone following a strict paleo diet avoid. But the good news is that what is extracted to create this is completely gluten free.

My findings are that there is virtually no way to stay 100% Paleo during an ultramarathon, and honestly, there's really no reason to. Sugar means energy in these races. It is ok to induldge in the usual aid station treats, Paleo or not your body will use it, but it also can't be your main source of nutrition. In my training and next few events I will be experimenting with a few different things and bringing back what I discover. It is human nature to try out a program like CrossFit, with a controvercial way of workout out and eating, then try an event, fail and blame it on the program. The truth is that there is so much to learn and so much to understand about CrossFit and about the Palro diet and every time I fail it is due to my lack of knowledge, not the program. It is my hope that my experiences and even failures can help others not make the same mistakes.

117 Days - Montana de Oro

2010-02-15T11:36:00.000-08:00

It was a big day. February 14th was not only Valentines Day, it marked the one year anniversary of Carl and my first date, and would also be my first ultra of 2010. As he stood up to teach an Endurance Certification in my hometown of Atlanta, I lined up at the start line of the Montana de Oro 50k. Although I had made some big gains in my CrossFit workouts, ultra territory was such a different scene and there were so many different elements. As we parked, I was reunited with Cheryl, one of my ultrarunning mentors as well as other friends I had not seen in a very long time.

The course was beautiful, like something out of a dream. We ran along the coast and up steep, technical climbs, and through muddy, rocky trails. I loved being out there again. Unfortunately the hard climbs put my tailbone into some serious pain. Although I thought it had healed, I hadn't tried to run that far on it since my fall from the pull up bars a few weeks ago. With another great Pacific Crest trail race in Malibu only 3 weeks away, I decided to take the 25k option and put my 50k on hold till then, when I was 100% healed.

It was a great day. Although the course was very challenging, there were smiles all around and new friends were made. I also learned some important things about nutrition and hydration on what turned out to be a much hotter day than expected.

I feel good about my decision... actually, surprisingly good. One of the things that CrossFit and my new nutrition has taught me is the importance of respecting my body and treating it well. There will be times during ultras that I have to push through pain, maybe even injury pain to reach my goal. That day it wasn't worth it though, to potentially put myself out for longer and ultimately set myself back for reaching the finish line at San Diego.

The great thing is that now I have an excuse to support two of my favorite race directors, Wendell and Sarah when they come down to Malibu in just a few weeks. I'm happy to be healthy again, and I'm going to keep being appreciative of that and respecting my body enough to listen to what it tells me.

125 Days - The Pasadena Rose Bowl 5k

2010-02-07T13:28:00.000-08:00

Two years ago, if you told me I'd be writing about a 5k and considering it a 'real' race, I would have laughed and asked if you forgot a zero. But in all honesty, I have found a challenge in 5ks that ultras will never provide for me. Different... not more or less believe it or not. Because when I run a 5k, the object isn't just to finish anymore. There is always a goal. And there is always a community to represent when I put on my Team CrossFit Academy visor. I have a responsibility to them and to my coaches to represent them honorably. Today I believe I served them well.

The goals were to PR my 5k and place in my age group. I was nervous at the beginning and took off way too fast. That is an area where I need work. My nerves overshadow my ability to tell how fast I am going sometimes. But about a half mile in, when it hit me that I could potentially sabotage this race for myself, I pulled back and let about half a dozen people or so pass. I passed my first mile at 7:15... a little faster than what Carl had advised me to go. The second mile came up fast and no one passed me. I clocked mile 2 at 15 minutes exactly. One mile left and I was tired, but I planted myself behind a man that seemed like a very seasoned runner with a steady pace. He kept encouraging me. He told me I was in 2nd but I knew he was incorrect my at least a girl or two. Still, his attitude pushed me. When I crossed the finish line, I read on my stopwatch 24:45, which didn't seem correct. Carl had told me that I was the 4th girl overall and that all the times seemed rather long for a 5k. It was a few minutes later, after looking up my chip time, that I realized my time had been totalled BEFORE the finish line, on a mat that I crossed before entering the stadium. I had finished in 23:17, over a 40 second PR. I had also won my age group.

I was happy as I sat next to Carl on a brick wall waiting for the awards ceremony to begin. Runners gathered around us to enjoy the beer garden and celebrated their accomplishments, whatever they may have been that day. I had exceeded my goals. A great first race of 2010 and a true testiment to both my change in diet and coaching. Next stop... Montana De Oro!

127 Days - Strength and Beauty

2010-02-05T13:45:00.000-08:00

On Monday morning, I walked into the Academy with a big box of fresh oranges and grapefruits waiting for me. I had ordered it from Sarah, one of the other members at TCA to help with her son's fundraiser. I excitedly picked up the large box and walked it past 3 of our strong male athletes to my car. They didn't even think to offer their assistance... and not because they aren't gentlemen. The men that I train with are some of the best people I know. But because they didn't treat my like some fragile thing that couldn't lift a heavy box. It was such a great compliment.

We live in a very visual based society. And where a malnourished woman who can barely lift a 10 lb weight over her head may be considered gorgeous by most people's standards, the beauty of a strong, athletic woman is completely undeniable to me. Maybe that is what originally sparked me on my rampage for that one thing that I have never really been able to accomplish... that strong, CrossFit body. But in truth, if I was to PR my races and my lifts, was it really helpful for me to be carrying extra fat around my waist? Maybe the visual was something I finally needed to make that final push towards.

1 month and 5 lbs lighter, everything is starting to fall into place. Each day is another step towards my goals for this year and each day I seem to be increasing my strength and speed. If only I had realized long ago the importance of dialing in my nutrition or what that even meant. I thought this would be really hard, but I feel so great, it's hard to think about what life was like before this.

I have a few exciting weeks ahead... my first 5k of the New Year in just 2 days and my first ultra of the New Year in just 8!

Jean is already confirmed as my 'first leg' pacer for San Diego. It will be exciting to live the adventure with her that we couldn't have at Angeles Crest in September. Who will take me in for the last 25 miles is still undetermined, but I have a feeling that will fall into place in time. I'm not worried. I will finish that race... I know that. This is going to be a great year.

132 Days till the San Diego 100

2010-01-31T16:37:00.000-08:00

I remember I was tired... the kind of tired that no matter what is going on in your life, emotionally or otherwise, you can sleep. But something kept me from being able to fall into it deeply. Maybe it was the starts and stops of traffic as I rode in the backseat of the car from Arizona back to California. As I opened my eyes, exhausted, I glanced into the front seat at Carl and Pat, listening to Miley Cyrus belt out 'Party in the USA,' bobbing their heads silently, completely unaware of what they were doing. I think that was the first smile that had crossed my lips within the last 24 hours.

As I sat there on that long drive back from Javelina, I wondered a lot of things... if CrossFit was really right for me, what it would do to Carl and my relationship if I went back to long slow distance, if it was even worth it to try to make it all work. Although he had never pressured me one way or the other, maybe this was the point that I had to lay down my long distance running shoes and opt for something a little different. I had no idea what 2010 would bring for me.

It was only appropriate, as I raced up Whiting Woods, a trail along the Verdugo Peaks, that I plug my Ipod back into the song that reminded me of that day... if only it could be something cooler! But quite honestly, everything gets a little delirious at that point in a work out and pretty much anything would serve it's purpose there. My best time up that 3+ mile hard uphill stretch prior to today was 42:40. If I could break 40 minutes, I would be happy.

Today was my day... after everything that the week had brought... a fall from a pull up bar, a 4 and a half hour clinic with Olympic lifter Sean Waxman and the soreness I had from that, I ended up surprising myself. I finished in 37:50, almost a 5 minute PR that edged its way 4 minutes from Carl's PR on that course. As I collapsed on top of that hill, huffing and puffing as I admired the beautiful view from where I was, CFE again started to make sense to me. The challenge I felt from this type of thing was something very different than what I once felt from a 50 mile long slow distance run. And in the year that I did that type of training, I never got a bit faster. It was what I needed.

I am two weeks away from my first ultra of 2010... the Montana de Oro 50k where I will be reunited with my favorite running partner, Donn, to enjoy an adventure like so many we have shared together. Right now I feel the way I did before Angeles Crest was cancelled... not overtrained, stronger, faster and more than anything, exciting and enthusiastic about my sport. I'm getting some amazing training from my coaches at Team CrossFit Academy as well as Carl who has agreed to help program me. And I can't deny that my diet has made a world of difference in the way that I feel. I count 2009 as a year of trial and error. I'm excited not only to start running ultras again but to be able to be more than that. This is the year that I will be the 'Racer' that Eric refers to me as. I look at people like Shannon in the Academy... strong women who have come so far in a year's time. I can't wait to be that kind of example to others too.

132 days till I do this again...

Food

2010-01-17T16:35:00.000-08:00

It's been a great few weeks of training. In 5 days I will have the official word as to whether or not I have made it in to the San Diego 100. There will be a lottery if more than 135 apply and so far there are 104 of us, patiently waiting. I am more appreciative of running now than I have ever been. It is true what they say, you do not really know what you have until it is gone.

One of my big focuses this year has been the food that I eat. If you want to have a debate with someone, heavier than anything political that you could ever bring up, start talking about what is on your plate. See how quickly people get more passionate and more angry than they would about literally any other topic. That is why education of this matter is so sensitive.

After attending Robb Wolf's seminar last year, I immediately linked my issues with Juvenille Rheumatoid Arthritis to an intolerance to gluten. As soon as that was eliminated from my diet, my health changed dramatically.

This year, I had the simple cosmetic goal of getting rid of some fat I still had around my stomach, due to the stress of running long distance and the amount of cortisol that was released in my body as a result of that. I started tweaking my eating to reflect paleo, but with a bodybuilder ratio (high protein, low fat, minimal fruit). I HATE eggs with a passion, but knew that in order to reach my goals, they would have to enter my diet again. However, for some really strange reason, I didn't hate them so much raw.

Twice a day, I have had veggie shakes, sweetened with half a banana and 4 egg whites. Two other times a day I will have a meal of protein (chicken, turkey, fish or steak) along with a low glycemic vegetable (usually broccoli, sweet potato, or my new favorite, spaghetti squash). My energy level started shooting through the roof and secondary to that, I noticed my stomach getting flatter and flatter every day.

It was due to the results of the past few weeks that I became even more interested in what I was putting into my body. If I could have results this dramatic simply by how I was fuelling myself, how much more could I expect to see if I took it to the next level?

Incredibly appropriately (I swear Coach LeClair can read minds) the Academy had a movie night, showing two films called Food Inc and Fresh that unveiled the food industry. I knew up until this point that grass fed meat was better for me and I knew that pesticides werent something I wanted in my veggies, but I had no idea the hows or whys behind it. I do now.

I never judge anyone for what they put into their body... but what I hate to see is people that are ignorant to what those things do. Most read 'no fat,' 'low sugar' or 'all natural' and immediately purchase whatever it is because 'It has to be healthy, right?' After watching these two films, I truly believe that we would all be more careful about what we selected if we knew the facts.

Anthony Bourdain (of No Reservations) often says 'buy your food from somewhere and from someone." meaning know where is it coming from. The next level for me is not only to focus on what I am eating but the quality of what I am purchasing.

This Year....

2010-01-03T19:34:00.000-08:00

Finish another 100 miler or 90 miles in a 24 hour event.

Re qualify for Western States.

One hand stand push up.

225 lb deadlift.

Sub 22 minute 5k.

Helen to standard.

Official sub 2 hour half marathon.

Bodyweight overhead... by any means necessary.

I officially turn in my application for the San Diego 100 tomorrow... Game on!

Starting Over

2010-01-02T14:26:00.000-08:00

I've never really believed in New Years resolutions. But January 1st seemed like a perfect date to start everything off right. My injury is almost healed and I'm officially running again. I went through my CrossFit Level 1 certification and although I couldn't participate as much as I wanted, I learned so much and was eager to get back.

I didn't get into the Western States 100. That was a hard day for me. So this year, I will just focus on qualifying again and getting stronger so that when that course and I do come face to face, I have the strength and courage to make it to the finish line. Dmitry didn't get in either but both of us plan line up at the start line of the San Diego 100 in June, assuming those lottery gods smile upon us. And thus begins training again.

Before my heart could officially give in to the idea of running 100 miles again, there was something I had to do. As Carl and I drove back from a run in the Verdugos, we took a detour through the Angeles Crest Forest. Devistation was the first and only word that came to my mind. I breathed deeply and tried not to let tears come to my eyes. If I did, they would never stop flowing. We stopped the car and I looked over my sanctuary that now looked like a wasteland. I was ready for the AC 100. I would have made it across that beautiful forest. Then the fires came and that land that had become a part of me burned away, leaving me with health issues and a sad heart. I wasn't in a good place, physically or otherwise to run Javelina. I know that now. On Friday, I let all that go, and vowed to be back to heal my forest soon.

And now, it is time to heal myself. I'm excited to start training again the way I was when I was training for Angeles Crest. And I have a lot to look forward to this year. 1...2...3... pick up the bar!

Live this day as if it was your last. The past is gone and over.

2009-11-22T11:09:00.000-08:00

Per Wikipedia: Rhabdomyolysis is the rapid breakdown (lysis) of skeletal muscle (rhabdomyo) due to injury to muscle tissue. The muscle damage may be caused by physical (e.g., crush injury), chemical, or biological factors. The destruction of the muscle leads to the release of the breakdown products of damaged muscle cells into the bloodstream; some of these, such as myoglobinn (a protein), are harmful to the kidney and may lead to acute kidney failure. Treatment is with intravenous fluids, and dialysis or hemofiltration if necessary.

Several days after I returned from Arizona, I just wasn't feeling right. Seemed like anything I put into my body just wouldn't process and sat like a lump in my stomach. I was sick and tired all the time. And the thing that was the strangest was that the muscles that weren't sore after my race, suddenly increased in their soreness, even towards the end of the week. I finally went to the doctor who officially diagnosed me with rhabdo. I knew this condition to be typical of new CrossFitters... people who hadn't worked out in a while that suddenly jumped into a routine and pushed beyond their limits in an extreme way. I knew it could happen to an ultrarunner too, but just like most people, didn't think it could happen to me. Fortunately, my friend Lisa Bliss, an accomplished ultrarunner and doctor, heard about my condition and talked me through it.

For two weeks I did literally nothing. I always wondered what would happen to me if I had an ultra go south in an extreme way, something that threatened my physical healthy beyond the norm. Now I knew. And I was scared. Even running around the block or working a new skill in CrossFit made me scared. But I let myself feel that way. And soon, it did pass.

One night when I got home from work, Carl and I sat down to watch a movie about a famous ultramarathon called The Bear. Watching the event itself made me sad. I wanted to be one of those people that had fought through till the end, tackling adversities as they approached. At the start line of the race, I recognized someone! A man named Earl 'The Rocket' Jones. I loved The Rocket!! Such a great ultrarunner and person in general. I had met him at the Vermont 100 and we had run into each other again at Western States this year. The Rocket had numerous Bear finishes. As I watched the race begin, the interviews with The Rocket just stopped. I assumed he was much farther ahead than the people they were following. When they videoed the finish line, with the first runner, there was The Rocket, fully dressed. Someone came up to him. "What happened?" He responded "What didn't happen? It just wasn't my year." That was enough for me. It reminded me once again that in this sport, sometimes the best of us don't always have good days. And no matter how you train, something can always go wrong that keeps you from reaching that finish line. In a sick sort of way, that is part of the appeal.

I laced on my running shoes the next morning and planned for a short jog. Unfortunately, my left foot had other plans for me. It had hurt me a little after the race, but after less than a 200 meter run, it swelled up and became painful to walk on. My body said 'not yet.' I said 'ok.' At least I had my mind back, in terms of running... but there was one more thing I needed to face.

The next day, I got an email from Coach LeClair "Thank you for volunteering for the Boot Brew..." Wait, had I volunteered for that? I smiled to myself. Probably not. But it was what I needed and somehow he knew that.

I showed up yesterday morning not quite knowing what to expect, but even people that had done this in the past were in the same boat. Teams of 1 - 5 were sent out on a '5k' around Monrovia, at least it was a 5k if you didn't get lost. The race started with everyone drinking a beer or the alternative of 15 burpees. From there they ran to their first checkpoint, where there was a challenge. There was change all over the bottom of the pool and someone from each team had to retrieve exactly 83 cents from it. After that they would earn their map for the other three checkpoints, all with different challenges, and of course, more beer to drink. It was one of the funnest events I had ever been a part of. Eric paired me up with Johnny, an aspiring ultrarunner who just had to pull out of his first ultra due to an injury. It was fun spending the day with him, talking about the different events he could do instead of Ridgecrest.

On December 5th, the lottery for Western States will be held. 1687 people applied and 127 people have been pre selected. Meaning there are 263 open spots for the rest of us, assuming they take 400. My chances are low. I would give just about anything to be at that start line in June. And even more incredible would be if Dmitry and I were standing there together. That is my hope. That race means so much to both of us and I KNOW if we were both there, pushing each other through, somehow we would cross that finish line in Auburn.

This was a rough year for me for ultrarunning... but just like an ultra itself, the rough times pass and the good times come again. I have high hopes for 2010. And looking back, I wouldn't trade that 5:17 50k for anything. A lot of things physically weren't working in my body this year but I'm going to let myself 100% heal this time and come back strong. I can't look at the photos above and not smile, regardless of the results of that race. I see two people who love what they do, and who have a lot to look forward to.

The Javelina Jundred... Round 2

2009-11-04T19:28:00.000-08:00

On Friday morning, an excited Javelina bound crew and runners took off for Arizona having no clue what to expect. But that was part of the draw. Carl, Erich and I would be running. Amanda would be pacing me, Cat would be crewing Carl and Pat would be filming the whole thing. Sleeping on Friday night was next to impossible. I didn't question my training. I knew that I was much stronger than I was last year. What scared me was the unknown. Things happen during a 100 mile race that sometimes can be fixed and sometimes can't. And there were a lot of people watching to see how we would do on this rogue form of training. I wanted to make everyone proud.

The start line was a mad dash for us. We had arrived a little late and parked far away. I ran to the start, decked out head to toe in a bumble bee costume and crossed the start line before I even realized what happened.

The first 15.4 miles flew by as I talked and laughed with other runners. I looked forward to seeing Carl at each turn around. I came into my first lap at about 3:10. I knew I needed to slow down but I felt fine. Cat and Amanda filled my bottles with coconut water, gave me some food and got me out quickly. They were a great crew. I was about 17 miles in when a cramp started taking over my right calf, to the point that my leg would seize and jerk to the right every time I tried to run. Luckily I was going uphill so this would be a good opportunity to stop and walk a bit. The pain continued and a nice runner gave me some salt tablets. It seemed to help a little. By the time I passed the next aid station a runner suggested that I run 30 seconds, walk 30 seconds till the pain subsided. It seemed to work and about an hour later I was running again. About 29 miles in I saw Carl again. He didn't look good. Because of the jet lag from his trip to Australia, he was falling asleep on the trails. We exchanged some encouraging words and continued on our way. As I started to enter Javelina Jeadquarters again, there was BMack, waiting to greet me. I was excited to see him and his girlfriend Shana there. Shana had also decided that she would like to pace me for a lap so all I had was one more on my own and then we could get through this together. As I headed back out, something didn't feel right. I started to get cold (temps were in the 80s) and my stomach was bloating out. I was still sweating but my vision blurred and I got very nauseous. I decided to have the medic check me out at the next aid station. He took a look at me and called for a car to take me in. "I'm not dropping." I said. "The only way I'm leaving is if I'm medically pulled."

"You are medically pulled," he said sharply. The car came around for me and I was loaded in and brought back to the search and rescue tent at headquarters. They stuck me with an IV and checked my vitals. My blood pressure was high. Over me within seconds was Cat. I turned to her, "I'm so sorry. Are they mad at me?" I heard BMacks voice. "What? Of course we aren't mad at you." It wasn't long before my blood pressure began to drop but the bad news was that I was peeing blood. Game over.

My focus now shifted to getting Carl across the finish line. I had my win at Javelina last year. It was time for his. After I had gotten cleaned up I waited at our self created aid station and it wasn't long before Carl came through. He turned to me, "What the heck are you doing here?"

"Didn't you hear? I set a course record! I just finished..." I faked a smile.

He looked at me sideways and I told him the condensed, less dramatic version of what had happened. He was not feeling well so BMack and Shana laced on their running shoes and headed out on the course with him. I felt better knowing he was not alone. As the sun began to set, it got very cold. A runner that had also dropped lent me his sleeping bag and I sat around the fire bundled up, chatting with others that had not made it. The death toll was becoming higher and higher. It was not long before I saw Erich. He had been MIA all day, apparently running just a little ahead of me, and I was missing him at all the aid stations somehow. "Me too," he said, as he approached me. He had made it to mile 54 and couldn't stop throwing up. Carl came back through around the same time and Amanda headed out on the next lap with him. He was feeling a little better, or at least it seemed. After we got him loaded up, I resumed my spot by the fire, sick and shivering. I wasn't sore at all, but I couldn't seem to get well from what had happened earlier that day.

Carl came walking into mile 78. His head was down, looking defeated. His achilles was in so much pain he could barely walk. After a very hard debate from all sides of the spectrum, the decision was made for Carl to drop.

And there we all were, Javelina: 1, CrossFit Endurance: 0. Over half the field dropped or was pulled that day so we were hardly in limited company. Do I think that the DNFs had to do with the training program? Quite honestly, I think every training program can be improved. Muscularly, I was fine. I got sore a little sooner, but my management of the pain was better and it didn't really seem to gradually get worse. Just that dull discomfort. I also had ZERO problems with my feet due to proper run technique. No blisters or hot spots. They looked exactly the same after the race as they did before. Had I trained long slow distance, would I have crossed that finish line? Possibly, but maybe not. A lot of things can happen in 100 miles, even to the best of athletes. What I will say is that my body was not prepared for were things that it was last year. One being the heat, one being my body's ability to process food and water in extreme conditions. Now having trained like that would I have a 200 lb deadlift, a 22 minute 5k or be able to do push ups? Not a chance. I'm a much better well rounded athlete than I was a year ago and I wouldn't trade that for anything, not even another Javelina buckle.

I still believe in CrossFit Endurance. I don't think you can ever meet your potential going out and running 100 mile weeks. I don't think there is anything wrong with people that do that, but for me, I want it all... I want to be a good CrossFitter that can do work outs to standard and go out the next weekend and PR my 100 miler. I have nothing to prove on the Javelina course... the belt buckle is sitting in my living room. If I went through what I did out there so that others in our community like Kellie can finish their first 100 milers, it was worth it to me.

Moving forward... I had the best race of my life at a 50k, a month and a half after a 50 miler, Between those two events I did nothing but CrossFit. My thinking is that every other month, especially prior to an 'A' race, I will do a 50k or 50 miler. That will keep me able to recover and improve my CrossFit workouts, but at the same time test for things that might go wrong like salt/water ratios, heat issues, keep my stomach in a place that it can digest what I'm giving it in extreme circumstances. I'm not going back to long slow distance training. There is a way to do this and I'm all about using my body to test it out.

14 Days- Honoring those worthy of honor

2009-10-17T17:20:00.000-07:00

My friend Debbie is currently pursuing her dream... to be in the LAPD. When she told me that there was a 5k coming up this weekend in honor of a fallen officer, I excitedly accepted her invitation. It had been a tough week at work and had really affected my workouts. I opted for 4 good, solid ones rather than to lose sleep and have mediocre ones. The most I can hope for right now, two weeks out of the event is to boost my VO2 max by some high intensity WODs. Other than that it is just about staying healthy and injury free.

Randy Simmons was the name of the police officer and after doing some research, I found out that he was the man that the CrossFit workout 'Randy' was based on. Although I could not currently do 'Randy' to standard, I could certainly run a 5k on his behalf. There was a great energy to being at the Los Angeles Police Department, gathering to start the run. The race would be challenging, very hilly, so I certainly couldn't expect a PR, and with the tough competition of those that had been through the Police Academy, I decided to use this as my last time trial, no pressure on finish time, just enjoy the day.

I saw Sarah Rodriguez at the start with her CrossFit LaVerne clan. She is a little faster than me but I stayed on her tail as long as I could. As we started up the first hill, I knew it was going to be a tough training run, but I was having a lot of fun. It was an honor to run with those around me. I crossed the finish line in 27:56. Nothing great in terms of time, but I noticed that not that many people had crossed yet. It was definitely a tough run, no doubt. I went to check the list of finishers. The first girl had finished in over 22 minutes, reconfirming the obvious. Then I saw my own name, not that far down the list. Division: 1. Why the heck was I in division 1? I thought that divisions were based on age groups. Then it dawned on me. That wasn't my division name, it was my PLACE. I had won my division!

It was an honor to accept my award from Randy's brother. I shook his hand and smiled. Today was not about me. I hope that if I died doing something honorable, people would get out and race too.

Next week is my last week of training before it is taper time. My goal is to keep things short and intense. Here was my training log from this week:

Sunday 10-11-09

Long Beach Half Marathon - 2:09:09 (8 minute PR)

28 burpees

Monday 10-12-09

29 burpees

Tuesday 10-13-09

4 rounds:

25 sit ups

20 push ups

15 KB swings (26 lb)

10 squats

30 burpees

Wednesday 10-14-09

31 burpees

Thursday 10-15-09

3 x intervals up Glenoaks to Verdugo - 2:33, 2:42, 2:25

(times from 8-12-09: 2:48, 2:49, 2:39)

32 burpees

Friday 10-16-09

33 burpees

Saturday 10-17-09

Randy Simmons 5k - 27:56

34 burpees

20 Days - Trust your training

2009-10-11T15:48:00.000-07:00

It was a beautiful morning in Long Beach, as I drove through city struggling to find a parking spot for the start of the half marathon. No one seemed angry that they were sitting in traffic. The eyes that I met were excited and hopeful. I hadn't been in a large group of marathoners in a while and I forgot the magic that you could feel in a group of 22,000 people, all reaching for similar goals. Some were there to run their very first 13.1 or 26.2 miles. One woman was there to run her 100th marathon. And there were others like me, there to set PRs.

I didn't know what would happen. I was going for a sub 2 hour half marathon. It would be a day of experimentation. Start slow and don't give up, those were my only rules. The gun went off and I started my Ipod... I specifically put several slow songs at the beginning of my playlist to keep from getting too excited. It worked. I crossed my first mile in 9 minutes. My 5k was just over 27 minutes and I hit the halfway mark at 58 minutes. I was dead on where I needed to be, but my body was starting to feel weird. My calf, which has been an issue for me over the past few weeks, was fine, but I realized too late, I was not doing a good job of pulling my foot from the ground. As a result, I was taking a pretty hard beating from the pavement. At mile 10, I would have to run a 22 minute 5k to hit my goal. I stopped to walk for a moment, accepting defeat.

"Summer!" I heard a familiar voice behind me. It was Jeff!! Seeing him brought me mixed emotions. My first thought was 'dammit... he's going to make me run again.' But I knew I would thank him for that later.

"You are doing great," He said.

I shrugged. "I really wanted a sub 2 hour half today."

"Will you still PR?"

"Yes," I said. "I mean I should... my current PR is 2:17."

"I'm going to pace you to your PR then!"

We ran together for another mile and then something took over my legs. New goal reassessed... sub 2:10. I heard Jeff yell a goodbye to me as I took off.

I finished the race in 2:09:09. Not what I wanted, but a step in the right direction. There are reasons that goals are goals... they are meant to be difficult. So... 200lb deadlift was accomplished, No sub 2 hr half marathon... not NOW at least.... but a new half PR. It's officially time for that damn pull up.

What I will say is that my low mileage training really seemed to help today. There is no way I could have run a half marathon at that pace a year ago with the type of training I am doing. High intensity for a short period of time seems the way to go, at least for me. I can't wait to see how this translates to a 100 miler.

Training this week was as follows:

Sunday 10-04-09

Heavy Deadlifts - PR at 200lbs

Row tabata (695 meters)

21 burpees

Monday 10-05-09

22 burpees

Tuesday 10-06-09

2x5 back squats @ 95 lbs

5 Rounds:

200 meter sprint
15 KB swings (36 lbs)
15 push ups
15 box jumps

Finished in 15:40

23 burpees

Wednesday 10-7-09

24 burpees

Thursday 10-08-09

15 minutes, AMRAP:

5 push ups
10KB swings (26 lb)
15 sit ups

Finished 11 rounds (two rounds more than 8-18-09)

25 burpees

Friday 10-09-09

Tabata run

26 burpees

Saturday 10-10-09

27 burpees

27 Days - A goal is a dream with a deadline.

2009-10-04T15:54:00.000-07:00

It has been a good week to say the least. Since I first started running marathons, I had this overwhelming desire to coach. If I could do something like that with my physical restraints, certainly other people could too. What if someone like me, the asthmatic, arthritic girl who always got a note from her doctors to sit out of gym class as a child, could show someone else what they were capable of too? So a few years ago I played coach to a group of my friends who I trained to run their first half marathon and had a blast. When I first entered CrossFit, I was studying to get my ACSM certification. Coach LeClair told me to stop doing that, try out CrossFit, and then get my Level 1 certification. A year later, I am signed up to get it.

Even with that, it would be a long time before I could coach. I would have to get much more proficient in weightlifting and would of course need the experience of an internship. What I didn't expect was the opportunity of a lifetime that I was given this week. A new facility will be opening in the Rancho Santa Margarita area and I could potentially head up the CrossFit Kids division. Before I knew it, I was signed up for the kids certification. Coaching children... why hadn't that crossed my mind before? I can't think of anything more rewarding or more fitting for me.

This morning I woke up from a very happy weekend. I had met everyone from the new facility the night before. I learned that BMack and his girlfriend Shawna would be joining us at Javelina. I had also met Amanda... a beautiful and very gifted CrossFitter, who had moved out here from Seattle to set up the new box. Amanda, Carl and I headed out to CrossFit Newport when we woke up. It was deadlifting day. I was nervous. I had a big goal of a 200lb lift before Javelina. Was today my day? That would be a 20 lb PR.

Amanda and Carl coached me through as I worked my way up to my current 180 lb PR. Butt back... drive through your heels... engage abs. How the hell was I to add 20 lbs to this? I was lucky just to get 180 off the ground.

Somehow 185 came and went and then 190. Time for one more lift. I loaded up 195. I turned to Carl... 'Can I just put 5 more on and see what happens?' He nodded and grabbed two 2.5 lb plates. There was no backing down from this. It was my chance at a huge goal. In my mind I saw the finish line of Javelina. I saw the clock ticking... 26:50...26:51... This was my finish line.

200 lbs came off the ground easier than I ever expected. One goal down... 2 more to go.

Training for this week was as follows:

Sunday 9-27-09

Tempo Run (80%) at Runyan Caynon - 33:40 (fastest before CrossFit was 40 minutes)

14 burpees

Monday 9-28-09

Heavy back squat - PR at 120lbs

Work skill of pull up

16 burpees

Tuesday 9-29-09

17 burpees

Wednesday 9-30-09

5 Rounds:

5 KB swings (53 lbs to waist height)
15 KB swings (26lbs, full swings)
30 sit ups
20 squats

17 burpees

Thursday 10-01-09

Burgener warm up for Clean - worked skill

10 x 53 lb cleans

18 burpees

Friday 10-2-09

Parnter work out with Carl... 10 Rounds:

10 KB swings with 53lb (waist high)
while parner holds plank, then switch

Time : 10:12

19 burpees

Saturday 10-3-09

Tempo Run (80%) at Witing Woods Motorway
3 miles to top (42:40) jog down.

20 burpees

34 Days - The CrossFit Endurance Way

2009-09-27T08:42:00.000-07:00

Often I am asked by both people in the ultrarunning community and those that know nothing about ultrarunning, how the heck I can get ready for a 100 mile race only training up to 13 miles. I give them the simple answer... 5-6 days a week of CrossFit, 2-3 days of CrossFit Endurance. Then those that actually want to check it out go to the main site of CrossFit and see a workout like what was posted yesterday called Angie (100 pull ups, 100 push ups, 100 sit ups, 100 squats) and not realizing that I scale almost every workout that I do with CrossFit, they immediately write it off as something they could never do. So here it is... every Sunday I will post my last weeks worth of workouts so that you can see what I REALLY do and how 13 miles of training DOES get you into a position that you can run 100 miles. Please note that none of this works if you do not pair it with a paleo diet.

Sunday 9-20-09

CFE WOD - 5 min sprint x 3. Rest 3 minutes between each 5 minute run.
(7 burpees)

Monday 9-21-09

CF WOD - 30 minutes, AMRAP (As many rounds as possible):

800 Meter Sprint
10 pull ups (kipping attempts, I cannot yet do a pull up)
10 push ups (on my knees so that I can get full range of motion, chest to ground)
10 box jumps

*completed 4 rounds

(8 burpees)

Tuesday 9-22-09

CF WOD - 5 rounds:

15 sit ups
10 presses (with 8 lb weights, alternating hands)
15 KB swings (with 26 lb kettlebells)

Finish time : 10:54

(9 burpees)

Wednesday 9-23-09

REST DAY

(10 burpees)

Thursday 9-24-09

CF WOD - 4 Rounds:

200 meter sprint
20 squats
10 push ups (on knees)
5 rail rows (same as ring rows, but laying underneath the railing of my stairway and pulling myself up)

Finish time: 11:53

(11 burpees)

Friday 9-25-09

CF WOD - 5 Rounds:

5 hand stand push ups (feet bent back, using couch as support)
5 rail rows
10 Deadlifts (with 53 lb kettlebell)
20 sit ups

Finish time: 13:11

(12 burpees)

Saturday 9-26-09

CFE WOD - 1 minute sprint, 20 second rest x 18. Followed by 50 burpees

(13 burpees)

Goals before Javelina:

1) Sub 2 hour half marathon

2) 200 lb Deadlift (currently at 180)

3) Pull up

35 Days - We can only be said to be alive in those moments when our hearts are conscious of our treasures.

2009-09-26T09:35:00.000-07:00

It was a typical Tuesday night for me. I got home from work, ate some dinner, layed out some clothes for my work out the next morning, then logged on to Facebook to enjoy a little 'me' time after another long day. It didn't take me long to realize that something wasn't right. Status after status of my ultrarunner friends read 'Just found out that Gina Natera has been missing since Sunday...' or 'Does anyone know where our Gina is??' Gina is a friend of mine in that community. She is a very gifted runner. Her smile has lit up the trails of many races that I have done. Some messages were exchanged between Cheryl, Michelle and I before we all decided that the best way to communicate was through a conference call.

On the call we were given the rest of the information. Gina had left for a long run early Sunday morning. Her car was found at a local Starbucks with her keys locked in the trunk (not uncommon for us to take a key off of our keyring and lock the rest in there). It wasn't until Tuesday night that her brother in law, Fidel's truck was found at the Easy W trailhead in Orange County. Some of her belongings and a towel were in the front seat. From our understanding, they were heading out for a 6-8 hour run.

Gina knew these trails well and something didn't seem right with BOTH of them missing. The idea of animal attack (though there are two known aggressive mountain lions in that area) was unlikely with two. A fear was that they had entered a pot harvesting area and possibly seen something they shouldn't. But the most likely thing that happened was that they were lost. People have been lost for up to two weeks out there.

We devised a game plan. Two groups of ultrarunners would take off from different places... Easy W and Holy Jim. We had something that the authorities didn't... knowledge of the trails and the ability to cover a lot of ground quickly and not become a liability. Since there were so many going off on Wednesday morning, I immediately asked my boss if I could take Thursday off and he said yes. My hope was that Gina would be found and I wouldn't have to take him up on that.

I didn't sleep at all that night, thinking about what Gina must be going through. In my heart I felt that she was ok but I was still very scared. I fielded calls and texts all morning from my runner friends until something gave us hope... Fidel was found!! His story was that he and Gina were seperated during the run on Sunday and he had gotten lost. He was dehydrated and delirious but he was ok. Authorities were questioning him, but our minds didn't even go there. Gina was out there. We just had to find her.

Around 2:30pm that afternoon, a helicopter spotted someone matching Gina's description - it was her!! And she was alive! On Sunday, she had taken off on a trail that had gotten her in trouble and couldn't go back the way she came. She was stuck there, for 72 hours, with no water plus her menstrual cycle had begun. She took off her pants and they blew away. She had said her goodbyes, coming to terms with the worst. When they found her, she was between 10 - 15% dehydrated. 15% is fatal. She would not have survived another day.

I've never been so happy to get a Facebook message from someone in my life as I was this morning when I got her message thanking me and wishing me luck at Javelina. Looking at her page a few days ago brought chills down my spine, wondering if we would ever see her again. But none of us lost hope. I think it's amazing how the entire ultrarunning community came together for this. Truly, this could have happened to any of us. And for any of us, ALL of us would have been out there.

This experience has taught me that there is so much to be grateful for in our lives. Minor things happen daily... my asthma acts up and I have to take a few days off from working out or I am 5 lbs under a PR on a lift and it screws up my whole day. Then the fires come and take my forest away and I wonder... why was I so concerned about all those little things, my forest is gone! Then a friend goes missing and I think, why was I so concerned about the forest, my friend is gone! Javelina will be more than a race this year, it will be a time of celebration, for all the ultrarunning community to come together and be happy about the things that we have. We have been through a lot recently, but we TRULY have so much right now.

50 Days - Today is Victory Over Yesterday

2009-09-11T19:04:00.001-07:00

Above are two pictures of Red Box... the first was taken by Carl 1.5 months ago. The second was taken recently. Initially I didn't really have much of a desire to run Angeles Crest. I liked my forests back in Atlanta... lush and green. Southern California trails were a lot different... desertous with some trees surrounded by brush. But I knew that if I ran AC, it was a ticket to get me other places like Western States, Badwater and Wasatch. So I signed up. On the weekends I would head out to Red Box for my training runs, sometimes with Carl or Kellie and sometimes on my own. In time I got to know other areas too. The run up to Strawberry Peak and Baden Powell. And something in my heart changed. I began to fall in love with those trails. That forest became my refuge, blocking out my cell phone signal as I entered and welcoming me into it's arms whenever I needed to run away. Within it's mountains, it sheltered me from all the things I was afraid of out in the 'real word' and I left it feeling stronger than I ever knew I could be.

Today, I took a deep breath, went on to the Javelina website once more to see that silly girl in a blonde ponytail, dressed head to toe like Alice In Wonderland, smiling and heel striking her way through 100 miles. I gave her a crooked little smile... 'Wanna race?'

Immediately I logged on to another website to order my costume. I was just logging off as my phone rang. It was Erich.

"So, what would you think about me running Javelina?" We excitedly discussed it and less than 5 minutes after we hung up, I received a text from him that Jamil had let him back in the race! Originally he had pulled out due to handball but the schedule seemed to have worked itself out.

I almost felt like that was the final piece of the puzzle. Erich was the rock that got me through that race last year, and I would have him there again, just in a different way. Today I let go of the AC100, but the trails are still in my heart and I will still do everything in my power to restore it's beauty when I am given the green light.

I think I stand a darn good chance of winning that costume contest again, but my hope is that there are plenty of people there to give me a run for my money, and that a group of people that have felt such sadness as of late can share a laugh and a goofy little contest while testing their limits in an extreme way. The one thing that I do want to come home with is my 2nd Javelina belt buckle, which I will give to Coach LeClair and Kellie for the lobby of Team CrossFit Academy. Not sure why that is so important to me, but it is. It feels like that little hope buried below the ashes of my dreams. It's that thing that has made me want to fight again. Javelina, here I come!

58 Days - Learn from yesterday. Live for today. Hope for tomorrow.

2009-09-03T06:59:00.000-07:00

The picture above reflects mile 25 (Islip) to the finish of the Angeles Crest 100. The red parts have already burned, the yellow parts are still burning. The race was officially cancelled on Monday. This has truly been a tragedy to our community, and by that I don't just mean the ultrarunners. The air quality here is terrible, so much so that our smoke is now drifting all the way to Colorado. It's hard to feel anything beyond gloom and hopelessness when opening the door in the morning and seeing a thick yellowish brown cloud over everything, with snow like flakes falling around us, the only remains of our beautiful forrest.

With that being said, there is hope in this sadness. When I close my eyes at night I try not to think about the fires, and I have a wonderful image of what is to come. I see a group of us parked at Red Box, unloading our tools... Hal and Gary leading the way with all of us there... David, Vinnie, Catra, Andy, Brian, Jimmy, Kate, Michael, Jean, Froggie, Carl, BMack, Eric, Vanessa and Kellie... all ready to work and help our trails come back to life. It will truly bring us all together in a way we have never bonded before. We will be sad when we first see our trails, but soon our sadness will turn to smiles and laughter. It's ok to be sad, but there is hope in all of this.

The day the race was cancelled, Jamil, the race director of Javelina, opened 50 more slots in the race specifically for the runners that were registered in Angeles Crest. So many familiar faces will be there that day. In two months we will all be ready to run together again and start planning the restoration of our playground.

62 Days Till the Javelina Jundred

2009-08-30T10:24:00.000-07:00

It is with a heavy heart that I announce that I am officially pulling out of the Angeles Crest 100. On the off chance that the race is still held, my lungs will not be able to handle the air quality and I would be setting myself up for failure. I am sad. Not for the race itself, but watching my trails burn. I do understand that homes are the priority to defend, but that doesn't make me less emotional to watch 200 year old oak and pine trees burn down. Few people outside of the community that I am in know the beauty of that place and what we are truly losing. I count myself as lucky to have seen it, appreciated it, and fallen in love with it. I can't help but get teary as I watch the news. I am losing a part of myself. Goodbye, my beautiful trails. Thank you for making me strong. Thank you for helping me reach potentials beyond my wildest dreams. As you come back from the fires, I promise to be there to help you grow, just like you helped me grow.

So I'm officially Javelina bound and feel fortunate to have that option to return there only a month after the time I was intended to run AC. That's the great thing about the CrossFit Endurance Program. I wasn't setting myself up to peak at one particular time, I will just continue to peak when my lungs can handle getting back on the program. It will be a true test of how far I have come in a year. Jamil, the RD, has been kind enough to consider taking on displaced AC runners and although I already have my entry, it looks like Carl may be able to join me there too. Kellie also offered to come be my pacer extraordinaire for a section of the course.

Thank you again to the firefighters... I can't say this enough. If you were paid in the 7 figures, you still wouldn't be paid enough for what you are doing right now and I certainly know that is not the case for you. My heart is especially with those firefighters who train at the Academy. I like knowing that we all got strong together to face whatever life has to bring us. At the end of the day, screw my 100 mile race, for them it is something so much more noble... protection of us all and of our homes. They have told me before that they think running 100 miles is amazing... no... what THEY are doing is amazing. THANK YOU!

22 Days - AC Burning

2009-08-28T21:41:00.000-07:00

Last night I walked out to Carl's truck to help him with a few last things he was moving in. As he lifted the chest of drawers out of the back of his truck, I squeezed his hand and pointed him in the directon of the end of my block. "It would be beautiful if it wasn't so tragic, wouldn't it?" We both stared speechless at the flames dancing on the mountain in front of it with a 9-11 like cloud above it. That mountain range was our beloved Angeles National Forest.

The Moose used to say that fire was a good thing. It would come and clear out all the brush so that new lush plant life could grow. But it's been a little hard for me to find anything great about this at the moment as I watch on the news 5100 acres burning in front of me, 900 people evacuating their homes with 5% containment. And this is on just 1 of 3 fires. I'm sad. Not because the race could now be cancelled, but because my playground, my place of safety and happiness, is burning. On top of that, my health, something I was proud to say I had complete control of has now faultered again due to the smoke in the air. My voice is raspy, my throat is sore and I can't go anywhere without my inhaler or surgical mask. This has not been an easy week.

I still have hope. I think about the men that I train with at CrossFit that are firefighters and I trust them. I trust them to do everything in their power to save the homes that are threatened and to protect our beautiful forest. I sleep at night knowing that they fight for us, the same way that soldiers oversees fight for our safety in different ways. Realistically, even if the race still happens, my lungs may not heal in time to run but in the grand scheme of things, it is just a race. With that being said, I haven't given up on hope just yet.

26 Days - The difference a year can make...

2009-08-24T13:24:00.000-07:00

Okay, so check out the two pictures above. The first was taken at San Francisco One Day in October of last year. The second was taken this year at the Will Rodgers 5k. I look at that first picture and wonder how I ever ran ultras like that. Even with no education on running form, look at it... my legs bowed in, I was heel striking hard, with a straight leg, reaching my foot in front of me. Not to say the 2nd picture is perfect, but it is a vast improvement. When you begin a sport like weightlifting, the importance of proper form is highly enforced. If you round your back on a deadlift, you will injure your back or if you try to muscle up a snatch, you simply can't get the force behind it that you need to be able to lift the amount you are capable of. But most of the time, running technique is not viewed as that important. If you supinate, you are given shoes that correct it or if you are a heel striker, you are pointed in the direction of something with a cushier heel. I am so lucky to have landed in the hands of such amazing trainers that have helped me correct those things before I became horribly injured or just simply became unaware of the potential that I might have if I fixed them.

This weekend was a lot of fun. On Saturday morning, I volunteered at the Bulldog 5ok. I was at the 2nd aid station which had a beautiful view. I was impressed by all the competitors. That is definitely a difficult race.

Sunday morning I headed out to Red Box for a run up the Strawberry Peak trail. I met Kathy and Jean. Since they were going a bit farther that day, I took off early for my 60 minute tempo run. How nice it felt to run at just 80%! No sprints, just an enjoyable little push. I was running uphill but I didn't really want to stop and walk. I just kept running and enjoying the day. Before I knew it I was at the 2.3 mile sign at 29 minutes. Sub 13 minute miles UPHILL! I couldn't believe it. Last time I had done that run it had taken me 35 minutes to get there. I ran a little further before turning around. The last 2.3 took me 21 minutes.

I've missed training at the Academy the past few weeks, but been extremely grateful for the specialized work outs that Carl has given me to compliment the CFE WODs I am doing. Yes, there is definitely something to this CrossFit Endurance program that I have involved myself with. How this all translates to 100 miles is yet to be seen, but I do feel much, much stronger than I did last year when I lined up at the start line of the Javelina 100. I guess it will all be revealed in time...

33 Days - “When you have confidence, you can have a lot of fun. And when you have fun, you can do amazing things.”

2009-08-17T17:56:00.000-07:00

It was one of those perfect running days. The type of day that you want one month out from a big race, to confirm that your training has worked and to set your mind at easy knowing that you are ready. It was Carl's last opportunity before he started travelling again to do his long 13 miler before AC. We chose a two mile loop at Red Box to circle 6 times, and then run 800 meters up the road to Mt. Wilson and back down. Kellie's Garmin had clocked it at a 900 foot gain on each loop. Challenging mentally, but for me, I was back in my element running circles, zoning out to my music, letting my training do the work.

At first I felt so comfortable with the run that I thought I was going way too slow. But as the miles built up I realized not only was I NOT going that slow, I was maintaining my pace. I kept expecting Carl to lap me and he wasn't. "Wouldn't it be funny," I kept thinking to myself "If I could beat my first half marathon time on this course today." But I knew that going under 2:45 was extremely unrealistic in this elevation on a course this challenging.

My 24 minute laps stayed consistent and before I knew it, I was on my very last one. I looked down at my watch and realized that if I pushed a little, I could pull this off. I entered the parking lot at 2:28. One more mile to go. I pushed. I finished the run in 2:39. Carl was long done and finished in 2:20. We had both worked hard and pulled off a successful last long run before AC.

Denise, one of my CrossFit friends, has agreed to be my crew captain and I couldn't be more excited to have her energy pushing me along that course. The pacers are designated, the gaiters are ordered, the coconut water has been purchased. This is all happening in just a little over a month. I couldn't be more excited!

40 Days - Not Afraid To Fall

2009-08-10T09:51:00.000-07:00

It was surreal to be standing at the Red Box aid station, not a part of the race this year. The Mt. Disappointment 50 miler had taught me so much. The first year that I ran it, in 2007, was my first official race DNF. The second year, 2008, my mom had come out to support me for the first time in an ultra, and I had finished strongly. This year, I was standing here with Carl at my side, cheering on my friends and Vanessa and Eric ran what was always in my memory as my favorite aid station in the race.

The first friend that I saw was Michael Murphy, an ultrarunner that I had met on an airplane last year. He looked strong. We hugged and I filled his water bottles.

"How is your training for AC going?"

"Great!" I said.

"What type of mileage are you up to?"

"13," I said.

"Oh..." he paused... "What are you going to train up to?"

"13," I smiled confidently. Eric and Vanessa both stood inches behind us and had heard every word. I excitedly watched as other friends came through... David Campbell, then Andy... I saw Oli and Jill Childers a little after that, Donn, Vince, Jean... it was a sea of familiar faces. After I helped my friends through, it was time for a WOD with Carl. We stepped away from the masses and got some strange looks and questions as we pushed hard through our push ups, kettlebell swings and snatches and squat cleans. I watched as my friends trained for AC at their last race before tapering. We were truly doing something different.

Sunday morning, Kellie met Carl and I at 8:30am for our drive to Baden Powell, what I would consider to be the hardest climb of the AC run. I had time goals for the day that would be difficult to reach. I started strong and felt good. I had taken my inhaler to prevent exercise enduced asthma but what I wasn't prepared for was the dust. As I climbed the hill, a metal taste filled my mouth and I began coughing up dust filled phlegm. The reaction happened quickly and I sat on the side of the trail as Carl and Kellie continued on. After a little time on the ground, I covered myself with a bandana that luckily I had packed and could walk slowly. Then it turned into a quicker paced hike. It took me almost an hour and a half to reach the top, 15 minutes slower than I wanted, but the lesson was invaluable. Bandana at Mile 13 - Check! And the fact that I was able to work through an issue like that during a run allowed me to learn before the race rather than during.

The run down was a different story entirely. I felt great running in my new Inov8s. I stayed behind Kellie at first and watched her take a fall less than a mile down. A few scratches, but she looked ok otherwise. After that, somehow it turned into a perfect running day for me... one of those days where everything clicks. I raced down the 41 switchbacks at what felt like a comfortable pace. As I started to reach the mile markers, I realized I was ahead of pace. I was shooting for 11 minute miles and I was comfortably holding slightly over a 10 minute mile pace. At the end I had successfully finished 3.6 miles in 36 minutes... which was good for me on the switchbacks and technical terrain. Most importantly, the shoes worked out perfectly which has been a huge issue for me in the past.

Kellie finished shortly after me with war wounds to show for it. Actually, we had some matching ones! I had taken a fall towards the end as well. But it was an important day for her, learning that sometimes to be successful at a sport like this, you have to step outside what is comfortable for you and not be afraid to hit the ground a few times. Kellie has become a VERY strong runner and mentally, it's starting to click for her too. I have a feeling that next year, the fun little competition in our group at AC is going to be between Kellie and I!

44 Days - Fight or Flight?

2009-08-06T09:42:00.000-07:00

On July 18th, I was lucky enough to attend a class that changed my life. Anyone who is reading this that aspires to be a better athlete or just a healthier person in general, go to http://www.robbwolf.com/, find out when Robb Wolf is holding a nutrition seminar and go. He's not a preacher and he's not a cult leader that will try to convert you to his ways. Robb is just an extremely intelligent, highly studied man who will explain to you exactly what the food that you take into your body does to you. You make the decisions for yourself from there. Whether you are a CrossFitter or not, it will teach you so much. Three weeks later, I am running stronger and I feel much, much better overall.

When Robb finished up his seminar, Kellie and I popped in the car to head up to Los Gatos. I wanted an official sub 2 hour half marathon for the books and we had located a race called the Jungle Run. It was a time trial for me leading up to AC. My orders from Carl were to take the first mile at Kellie's pace. I have a tendency to take off like a bat out of hell and Kellie is much better with pacing. So at mile 2, I took off like a bat out of hell... haha! Actually, it wasn't that bad. I felt great for the first half of the race. Although it was hot, I was attacking 8 minute miles the way I used to attack 10 minute miles. I didn't feel like I was pushing that hard. Halfway through the race, a cramp siezed my leg and I started to falter. At the next aid station, I mixed some poweraid with water, my only potential source of electrolytes and it helped with the cramp, but my stomach started to hurt. After walking for 2 miles, I was able to run a little, but not at the pace I was able to before. I finished in 2:17 and limped around for the next week due to a torn muscle that was associated with the cramp. All of which could have been prevented if I had monitored electrolytes. I was bummed about my time, but I learned an important lesson before my 'A' race, and that was worth it to me.

The past few weeks have been an emotional rollercoaster, realizing how close I am to the race. I started to get scared that if I couldn't finish, I would be letting a lot of people down. I started to feel the spotlight that some of the other runners in the community had put on me, watching to see if my training really worked or not, some wanting me to fail. Breakfast with Coach LeClair last week helped. He reminded me why I am doing this... 'Screw everyone else. From the time you line up at the start line in Wrightwood to the time you cross the finish line in Pasadena, that day is about YOU. Remember why you love this sport. Carl and BMack can handle the pressure of CFE. Just go be you.'

Last weekend, I went for a training run with Hope and Kellie and something about that day with those strong women sparked something in me that needed to be sparked. I now have no doubt that I will make it across that finish line. Actually, I have no doubt I will finish in 30 hours. I'm ready... it's ON. The negative thoughts in my head have converted to positive ones... the friendly rivalry between Carl and BMack will push them to achieve things beyond their wildest dreams as well as the little bets Kellie and Eric have going on about which one of their runners they will be able to help cross the finish line first. I am humbled by the fact that they think that I could run as strong as Catra that day, and whether I can or not is irrelivant. I like Catra a lot and I feel so grateful for her presence in my life, because it lead me to CrossFit, which has lead to so much more hapiness. And now I have one more reason that day to get up off the comfy lawn chair and push towards Chantry, knowing that Kellie will be standing there in the middle of the night anticipating my arrival, heckling back and forth with Eric. THIS is a healthy thing... running laughing, fun little competitions within our group. Not trying to show the people that have talked badly about me that I can do it. Like Eric said, screw them.

My race shoes arrived today, courtesy of Inov8. I'll be testing them out on a time trial of Baden Powell on Sunday with Carl and Kellie. I've been talking to my friend Cheryl, an extremely strong ultrarunner, and I am going to try to pace myself off of her the first 50 miles. Cheryl has been a hero of mine since the day I met her at Run with the Devil last year. She is an ex body builder and a tough athlete. I won my age group that day while running with her, and I'm hoping the same magic is present at AC this year to keep me on pace. Just like that day I paced Dean up Mt. Whitney, when you are with someone that you look up to in that way, something comes out of you that you never knew existed. My fear has been officially checked at the door. I'm ready to fight.

68 Days - Sometimes, if you aren't sure about something, you just have to jump off the bridge and grow your wings on the way down.”

2009-07-13T17:35:00.000-07:00

"Summer? Where did Summer go?"

What? It was already time? Great, figures that they would do this by weight and that I was one of the few under 135 lbs that was jumping. Carl excitedly grabbed his camera and I went to get harnessed up.

I stepped over the bridge onto the platform in terror... was I REALLY about to jump off of this thing? What the heck was I thinking? Too late to think about that now. 70+ people stood around me counting down as I readied myself to jump... "5...4...3...2...1... BUNGEE!"

That day had consisted so far of a 5 mile hike to what is called the Bridge to Nowhere, tucked deep in the heart of the Angeles Crest National Forest. Carl had mentioned wanting to go bungee jumping and at the time, it had sounded like a perfect birthday gift. Only a few weeks later we were leading a pack of jumpers off into the woods, crossing rivers and hiking through rough terrain to get there. It was a difficult hike in 85 degree + heat but it was a day of bonding that was much needed for both of us.

That 10 story plunge signified so much for me that day. It's scary to take leaps, jumping off a perfectly good bridge to hope that something better is out there. But jumping is truly the only way to find out if you can fly.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1cbc7OHmE5o

75 Days - The difference between the impossible and the possible lies in a person's determination

2009-07-06T11:20:00.000-07:00

It was Saturday morning, July 4th and standing amongst over 1500 other runners, I was a nervous wreck. I had positioned myself close to the start line about a half hour before the race would begin. I needed as much advantage as I could possibly get. 3 years ago, I had PRed at this 5k, going just sub 26 and I knew I was WAY better than that now. But I had to prove it. Although I had run a sub 23 minute 5k in training, I wanted an official, better time. I'd settle for sub 24 but I wanted sub 23. I was all set... new racing flats, a 24 minute playlist on my IPod (I figured if I didn't make it in under 24, I didn't deserve music) and Chad, a friend that I wanted to impress, standing on the sidelines. The gun went off... my heart was racing faster than my legs. I forced myself to hold back a bit in fear of the excitement giving me an asthma attack.

Mile 1 came up quick... just sub 7 minutes. Perfect pace. I rounded the corner... "Who put that hill there??" I thought. I hadn't remembered this at all. The second mile took me almost 8:30... ugh... that really set me back. I raced as hard and as fast as my legs and my lungs would carry me for that last mile. I knew that no matter what the results were, that it was ok as long as I gave this my all. I crossed the finish line in exactly 23:59. I looked at Chad and wrinkled my nose. Although I had met one of my goals, I wasn't completely satisfied. He proceeded to remind me of all the runners behind me and how happy I should be. My attitude immediately changed. I found out later that I was the 31st female out of 817 and 153rd overall out of 1562 runners. Not too bad... but two new goals were established by the end of the day... top 20 females next year in that race and sub 23 minute official 5k by the end of the month. I'll be going for round 2 in Pasadena on the 25th.

On Sunday, I headed out to Red Box to do the CFE WOD up towards Josephine Saddle. It consisted of 5 minutes on, 2:30 off, 6 minutes on, 3 off, 7 minutes on, done. I saw a few other ultrarunners I knew out there, out for their long distance runs. When they asked me how far I was going and I told them that I was 'just' doing intervals, I got some strange looks. Going back down the hill after my WOD was done, I ran into Oli, a runner that I had met at the Angeles Crest trail work, coming back from a 15 miler. We ran together back to the car and shared some stories. I was glad he didn't ask me about my training or how far I was going. For once, it was nice to feel like I was a part of those people again, even though my training is so different than theirs. At Western States last weekend, I got a lot of negative feedback about CrossFit and our methods of training... there were people literally telling me I didn't have a prayer to finish AC the way I was doing it.

I am doing AC for more than just me and that is why this race means so much to me. I'm doing it for Kellie, to get her confidence up to finish next year. Crossing that finish line with me will teach her so much and will show her that she can do it too. I'm doing it for Coach LeClair and Vanessa, so that they can have one of their students finish that race. Although Catra has a phenomenal ultrarunning resume and has finished that course numerous times, it wasn't necessarily because of their training that she did so. When I walked into CrossFit back in December, I wasn't fast enough to survive on that course and make the cut offs. Now I can show everyone how awesome the coaching staff at Team CrossFit Academy really is and that what they are doing is working. Coach LeClair is the first person I have ever met that made me think I might actually have an engine in there buried beneath all the overtraining... and Carl was the second. So of course, I'm doing it for CFE... not JUST to show that it works for all us 'normal' people out there, but when and if it works, maybe I can be an example to other ultrarunners to show them that they CAN complete these races and still have a life outside of this. I'm not in this to prove that high intensity work outs are better than long slow distance running. I just want to try something different and I want to see if this will make me a better athlete. In the meantime, maybe I can be the guinea pig that helps others as well.

Two months, one week... I'm nervous but oddly confident. I've never had a support system like this before and they will all be there with me, their words, their training, their friendship, every step of the way.